


All the Time in the World

by tacewrites



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, F/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slow Burn, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2019-06-23 16:42:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 43,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15610557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tacewrites/pseuds/tacewrites
Summary: Lup and Barry fall in love. Slowly.Very slowly.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The Adventure Zone just recently Happened to me and I'm not over any of it, and definitely not the 2 minute description of the most slow burn romance in all of history. How can I be ruined forever by two characters in such a small time frame? Griffin McElroy, square up.  
> This is my attempt to fill in the gaps. I hope you like it!

Lup was loud.

That was the first impression Barry had of the elf as he sat in his position on stage at the IPRE conference. She wasn’t exactly noisy, he didn’t mean that. It was more like something about her screamed _I’m here, notice me_. He glanced down the line of crew members at her brother. Taako was inspecting his nails rather nonchalantly, seemingly not paying attention to his sister at the mic. He had a similar vibe to his sister, something that made you want to take notice.

Barry guessed it was because they were a pretty set of twins. He had seen them standing side by side the first time the IPRE members had all gathered together for their first meeting, and they were almost hard to stop looking at.

It was easier when Lup turned and caught him staring. She had raised an eyebrow quickly in a challenging sort of way, and Barry, embarrassed that this was the way his first interaction with someone he would be working with had gone, turned away quickly.

 _Don’t mess with me_. Talk about loud, this was a deafening roar that Barry felt radiating from Lup’s entire being. It made him nervous, but so did a lot of other things. And besides, he had nothing to be concerned about, right? He definitely didn’t plan on messing with her or getting on her bad side (well, not more than he already had), so there was no need to worry.

He turned from the disinterested Taako and watched Lup walk from the mic back to her seat, high fiving Magnus’s raised hand as she sat down. Clearly, she wasn’t unfriendly, and this knowledge caused him to breathe out a little sigh of relief and calmed his nerves a little more. They picked back up again as Lup sprang out of her chair once more and walked back to the mic, clearly on a mission. What the hell was she doing?

Barry found himself looking back at Taako, trying to gauge his reaction, but there was none. Taako was now filing his nails.

“ _Greg Grimaldis_ ,” Lup’s voice boomed over the mic, pulling Barry’s attention away from her brother. “ _You owe me $15 and I aim to collect! You better believe_ , _Greg Grimaldis_.”

She then dropped the mic, despite the protests of Captain Davenport sitting beside him, and Barry cringed at the sound.

As Lup sauntered back to her seat, Barry saw her look Taako’s way and wink exaggeratedly. Taako was still filing away, but a devilish smirk on his face made Barry think he had anticipated his sister’s antics. As he watched Lup sit down with a flourish, he was sure of only one thing:

He was very glad he was not Greg Grimaldis.

~

That night, Barry sat at a small table in the back of a wild biker bar that the seven of them had elected as their final hang out spot before setting off on their journey. Well, it hadn’t been a unanimous election really, but the more outspoken members among them overshadowed the quieter ones. The latter tried to be as inconspicuous as possible. Davenport stood awkwardly by the door, continuously looking at his watch, looking ready to head out as soon as someone else made the first move. Barry had seen Lucretia being corralled under the bar by Merle, and he could occasionally see her as she poked her head out every once in a while, observing the mayhem in the bar. Merle kept a careful watch of the area surrounding her, which Barry thought was fair of him, given that Merle had been one of the party members responsible for this outing in the first place. Quiet Lucretia didn’t belong in this scene, and he was glad someone was taking care of their chronicler.

As for himself, he stayed out of the way of the rough looking bar patrons, quietly nursing his one beer he had ordered for himself a while ago. He hadn’t been alone for too long; Magnus had been sitting at the table with him up until the moment he knocked back his third beer in the span of 20 minutes and then promptly stumbled off towards a group of leather-wearing ruffians, who seemed to be towering over a smaller individual. Clearly, Magnus wanted to be on the small stranger’s side. Barry was more than fine where he was.

On the other side of the bar was a pool table, and that’s where most of Barry’s attention had been drawn towards. Taako stood to the side of it with a handful of strangers, all of whom were watching as Lup lined up her cue with the plain white ball carefully. Clearly, Taako and Lup were winning, a fact that was given away by the distinct differences in the expressions of all parties involved. Their opponents looked dejected, and one looked a little sick. Taako looked completely delighted by whatever was happening, hands clasped together and a huge grin plastered on his face. And then there was Lup.

Barry couldn’t look away as Lup lined up her shot. There was something graceful about it, something elegant in the way that she bent towards the table to stare down the few remaining billiard balls lying on the felt. She looked like a pro. Maybe she was, maybe she wasn’t, but either way, it seemed to Barry that she definitely had control of the game. Suddenly, Lup raised her head slightly, and then beamed in the direction of her opponents and her brother, and the confidence in her expression communicated one thing: _I win._

And then she quickly lowered her head again and hit the ball in front of her. Barry was too far away to see, but she clearly succeeded, as Taako let out a victorious shout and the others hung their heads. One kicked the table. Lup continued to grin widely at all of them, planting her cue on the ground and leaning against it slightly, pleased with herself. Barry gave a small chuckle, entertained at the display. He then watched as one of the players, a burly looking man, walked up to Lup, hand out for a handshake. She took it, and then said something Barry couldn’t hear from his place at his table. The man looked confused. Taako came and stood next to his sister. He spoke to the man as well, who looked behind him at his comrades. They all looked just as confused as Barry felt.

When the leader of the group turned back around, both of the elves in front of him smiled. Then they spoke in unison, and pointed down towards the ground, next to the man’s feet.

~

Barry realized only a few minutes later, as the IPRE headed out of the bar and down the road, leaving all the mayhem they had collectively gotten involved in, and in some cases started, behind, that the twins had been pointing _at_ , not _next to_ , the man’s feet. Specifically, his shoes.

“So, explain it again,” Magnus, now sporting a black eye, requested of the pair. “Why did you take the shoes from those guys?”

“They were the ones who wanted to play for keeps,” responded Taako nonchalantly, tossing one shoe into the air and holding a few more under his other arm. “We had no need for money. We leave tomorrow.”

“So you took their shoes? You don’t need those either.”

“But they do,” Lup piped up in a sing-song tone, holding a couple of pairs under her arm as well. “And now they have to walk around all night in that dingy bar without them!”

Barry cringed, trying not to imagine what sort of filth awaited the losers’ feet in that seedy place.

Lup gasped and stopped walking, causing the rest of them to stop and stare at her. She looked around for a moment, clearly delighted, and then turned to her brother as she began to laugh.

“Oh my god, Taako,” she managed through her laughter. “Everything is wet. It rained the entire time we were in there. They have to walk home barefoot in the mud!”

Taako barreled over in laughter, the shoe he tossed up falling to the wet ground with a splat. Lup dropped a few of her prizes as well as she continued to laugh at the misfortune of the group she and her brother had left behind. It didn’t seem to phase either of them that no one else found it all that funny.

After a moment, Davenport cleared his throat. “Let’s get going, shall we? We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow.”

The twins obliged and gathered their shoes, still giggling quietly to themselves, and the group continued on their way. Conversation began to flow freely among the group members after a few minutes, awkwardness forgotten and the subject of shoes dropped. But there was one thing Barry still wanted to know.

Nervously, he fell in step beside Lup. “So uh,” he began awkwardly, pushing up his glasses. “What are you going to do with all of them? The shoes, I mean.”

Lup seemed to consider the question for a moment. Then she smiled at him.

“I’m not sure,” she said. “Could pawn them off, or I could keep them in my room on the Starblaster and store trinkets in them. Or I could set them on fire.”

Barry really hoped that last one was a joke. His face must have given that away, because she gave a small laugh. “Or maybe not. Doesn’t really matter what I do with them. I have four new pairs of shoes.”

“Ahem!” Taako exclaimed dramatically. “I’m here too, you know.”

Lup stared at her brother. “I know. But like I said.” She turned to face Barry once more. “I have four new pairs of shoes.”

Despite himself, Barry chuckled, and Lup looked pleased at that reaction. The conversation ended there as Taako protested and Lup goaded him on, but that was just as well. Barry was just glad that he could start out the mission on good terms with Lup. They could at least be cordial and friendly as team members. He couldn’t really imagine being friends with her. He didn’t think his nerves could keep up. He was quiet, more reserved. Lup was loud. Lup was confident.

Lup was cool.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a little bit longer to get out than I meant for it to! But here it is in all its....something.

It should have been simple.

Barry was supposed to wake up early, convince himself to eat a good breakfast despite being anxious as hell, and then distract himself with various last-minute chores so that he wouldn’t have time to nervously pace a hole into the floor of his apartment. He was then supposed to make his way to the Institute, still a bundle of nerves because, well, who wouldn’t be the first day of a voyage away from their home world and planar system? Once there, he’d make awkward conversation with the six other IPRE members he barely knew as they prepared for launch, careful not to be too much of a nerd in front of the ones he could already tell would give him a hard time about it. They’d all board the _Starblaster_ and set out as reporters and citizens saw them off, anxious but excited at the same time.

Well, it had been just as simple as that, up until the moments after the _Starblaster_ took off. He’d figured they would be filled with a lot of anxious excitement from everyone on board, not knowing exactly how the days ahead of them would pan out. He’d been completely wrong.

There had definitely been anxiety, but it came from the panic of watching a huge dark cloud with glistening tendrils engulf the entirety of their world, from the fear of seeing it practically rearrange the planes and the bewilderment of being seemingly pushed out of their own bodies and then put back together in a matter of seconds. And, of course, from the comprehension that the world that now resided in the prime material plane was definitely not the one that they had left behind.

~

Barry was still anxious, but that was nothing new. It sort of just came with the territory of being Barry, but it definitely wasn’t a fearful anxiety. More a general nervousness. But that he could chalk up to who he spent most of his time with these days.

It had been a few months since they landed in this world, and it had taken some time to get used to. For one, it was strictly inhabited by animals, who were apparently the intelligent beings here. They had their own society and culture, which Barry was immediately interested in learning about, and the animals who weren’t afraid of them seemed more than willing to share. But there was a lack of ability to communicate, as the animals universally spoke a sort of grunting language. He’d set about trying to learn it.

Not without help, of course.

“It would be fantastic if this didn’t all sound exactly the same,” grumbled Taako.

Barry looked up from the notes he’d been searching through, trying to find the one with yesterday’s findings that he’d lost only just a few minutes ago. Taako slouched over in his seat, his head resting on his hand. Bored. He hadn’t communicated as much yet, but that’s how the elf looked when he was. Barry had learned this pretty quickly through the time spent with him.

“I mean, it doesn’t really,” replied Lup next to him. “It just takes some concentration.”

Barry studied her for a moment. She didn’t look quite as done yet as her brother, but she was probably headed that way. He sighed. It was hard to get anything done some days. If they didn’t make any headway early on, his companions became quickly restless. Then the whole day was shot.

“Yeah, but these two grunts look exactly the same on paper,” Taako told her, pointing them out to Lup. “So I could either be asking them what the weather is like or if they want to give me money. Which, now that I think about it…”

“Its about the inflection,” Barry interjected quickly, hoping to squash whatever idea Taako was thinking up. “And pitch. Actually, if you look, its written differently according to that. See? I sort of stressed it when I wrote it down.” He moved the paper in Taako’s line of site, pointing. “Guess I could have done a better job. But this one is about the weather, and its definitely much higher pitched and drawn out than the one…asking for…money.” He trailed off awkwardly, realizing that Taako and Lup were staring at him with varying degrees of amusement on their faces, making him uncomfortable. Neither said anything, which made him even more uncomfortable.

“What?” he asked them, suspicious.

By way of response, Taako made a grunting noise, causing Lup to burst into laughter. Barry realized by the sound of it that it was the language they’d been studying, but he definitely didn’t know what it meant, which also explained Lup’s glee. “Alright, what did it mean?” he sighed.

“He called you a nerd,” Lup said between giggles, looking sort of apologetic.

“Right,” Barry replied, only slightly bothered. Working with Taako and Lup was just like that sometimes. They didn’t really intend to be mean. At least, he didn’t think. “When did you even learn that, Taako?” he asked, forgetting to be embarrassed through his interest.

Taako waved the question away. “Not important. But I can tell you how to write it down for future use.” He smirked. “Inflection and all.”

Lup giggled behind her hand again, and Barry made eye contact with her briefly before blushing and looking away. It occurred to him for maybe the hundredth time that he probably shouldn’t be so intimidated by her; they were equal members of this team, after all. Apparently, it was easier in theory than in practice. He looked back at Taako.

“That’d be great, thanks,” he said, going for sincerity in the hope that Taako would, too. “Anyway, can we get back to work? The mongooses will be by soon and I want to have made a little bit of progress since yesterday.”

Lup saluted him as Taako made a noncommittal noise, but both did as he asked, seeming to have more energy for the task than they did a few minutes ago. Apparently, jokes at his expense seemed to cure their boredom.

Go figure.

~

 

They cracked it eventually. Barry didn’t know learning a new language from scratch could be so damn hard, but after 9 months of work, they were pretty proficient in communicating with the animals of this world, which he felt was an invaluable skill to have. Also nerve racking, when Magnus came to him and the twins and asked for their help in talking to the Royal Beasts, which he had learned were sort of the animals in charge. Unsure that Magnus really meant “talking” and pretty confident that he did not want to be around for that encounter at all, he opted to stay behind while Taako and Lup went with him.

Much to his relief, all three of them had come back to the _Starblaster_ in one piece. Magnus spent the evening retelling the rest of the IPRE of his meeting and his excitement over spending time with them to gain their trust and, hopefully, the Light.

“I still think I could have taken the bear, if it had come down to it,” he boasted.

Lucretia looked up from her notebook, a slightly concerned expression on her face. “Oh, well, I’m very glad that it didn’t, Magnus.”

“We really don’t need to be starting fights,” Davenport admonished him. “That’s not going to get us anywhere.”

“I get it, I get it,” Magnus pouted, sitting down. “Totally could have, though.”

Barry didn’t see the appeal in fighting a large talking bear, whether you could take it down or not. He looked away from their security officer, and found Lup looking at him. She smiled.

“I’ve got money on Magnus,” she grunted at him.

Barry snorted, then felt his face redden, embarrassed at the noise. “Small bear?” he grunted back.

“It’s probably the size of four Magnuses stacked together. But force of will and all that.”

“That bear would sit on him and he would die,” Taako, lounging against Lup, chimed in. “He’d just fucking die.”

Lup looked down at her brother, who peered up at her. Then both of them turned to stare at Magnus, still pouting a little in his corner. Sensing he was being watched, he looked up to find the twins staring.

“What?” he asked apprehensively.

Taako nodded. “Definitely done for,” he insisted in common.

Magnus’s eyes widened. “I’m what?” He began frantically looking around. “I don’t-what is it? I don’t see anything!” he exclaimed, scrambling up.

“I believe in you, Magnus, you got this,” Lup told him.

“Lup! What is it?” Magnus squealed.

“I’m pretty sure they’re just pulling your leg, Magnus,” Davenport interjected, looking pointedly at the twins

Magnus stopped noticeably freaking out. “Are you?” he asked, hesitantly.

“Mostly,” Lup replied. “Except I do have complete faith in your ability to kick anything’s ass.”

“Yeah?” he asked, ego visibly inflating. “I mean, I try.”

Merle chuckled. “That’s all it takes with you, huh?”

“Definitely doesn’t hurt,” Magnus said.

At this confession, Davenport began to laugh. Seeing serious Davenport laughing caused the rest of the IPRE to laugh as well.

As he wiped a tear away, Barry realized that, even though this world was challenging, it was moments like these that made him glad he was here.

Also, he thought begrudgingly, sometimes Lup and Taako’s shenanigans weren’t all that bad.

~

Something about the sky seemed ominous.

Barry tried to focus on the task at hand and help translate for Magnus and the three Royal Beasts, but he couldn’t help staring upwards instead. It had been pretty nice out just a little bit ago, but now it was dark and stormy looking.

He hoped that Magnus could convince them to hand over the Light quickly, but the guy seemed too busy trying his best to keep his promise to Davenport to “think before speaking” to be all that quick about his job.

Tired of looking up, he rubbed at his neck, and then noticed something else: the grass at his feet was no longer green like it was supposed to be. It was dull and gray. So were the trees in the distance.

He closed his eyes tightly for a moment, but when he opened them again, everything was still colorless. He turned to Lucretia beside him.

“Hey, do you-”

“Guys, it’s back!” Davenport suddenly shouted, pointing up.

It? Barry looked up once more to find the sky much darker now, and distantly familiar shimmering columns of blackness came careening out of it towards them.

Oh.

It. The thing that destroyed their home a year ago. Why was it back?

Magnus was waving his arms at the sky. “Look, we gotta go, just give us the Light already, come on!”

The three beasts didn’t have time to answer him before a black column hit them, and then they were gone.

“Everyone back on the Starblaster, we’re leaving!” Davenport shouted again.

Barry didn’t need to be told twice. He turned and started running, almost crashing into Lup in the process. She was firing off fire spells at the blackness as she backed up. He hadn’t thought of that at all, but he didn’t have room for shame with fear occupying his entire being.

He reached the door of the ship, and found Taako huddling there anxiously. The elf poked his head out the door.

“I swear to Pan, get your ass in here, Lup!”

“I am!” She sent another fireball up, then grimaced at the sky. Finally, she lowered her wand and ran back into the ship. “Damn it!”

 _You tried your best_ was what he thought to say, but then he spotted Magnus, still out there, trying to corral some of the animals to safety.

“Magnus come on!” Barry yelled.

There was no indication Magnus had heard him. Barry felt the _Starblaster_ move.

“Davenport, Magnus is still-”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Davenport pulled a lever on the console. “But we can’t wait, we have to go!”

The door to the ship began to close, and all Barry could see was a branch of darkness that flashed green and blue as it streaked across the sky directly toward Magnus.

As the door closed in his face, Barry slumped down onto the floor as the ship took off, flying faster and faster as Davenport attempted to steer them out of the plane. He felt sick. He knew they’d make it, but Magnus wouldn’t.

Magnus. Shit, Magnus-

And then, Barry felt himself moving, but not on his own. It felt like he was being pulled, and he couldn’t see by what, but it felt familiar in some way. He was aware of the others moving as well, and of strange threads of light circling around one spot in particular, around and around. Suddenly he stopped moving, rooted to a position he felt like he’d been in before, standing a few feet behind-

“Holy shit, Magnus!” Merle exclaimed.

Magnus turned around, and Barry could see a black eye that he hadn’t had before. He scratched his head. “When did I…how did I get here?” he asked.

“I have a better question,” Taako declared. “All encompassing. Just in general, what the fuck, my dudes?”

~

It was a very good question, but one that could not immediately be answered. Firstly, because no one knew how the hell to answer it. Secondly, because they had more pressing concerns to deal with before they could get to that.

Soon after they watched the world they had lived on for an entire year be completely consumed by that cloud, a new one on the same plane had taken its place and, with nowhere else to go, Davenport took them back down.

Flying over the land, they quickly gathered that this world was inhabited by dwarves rather than animals, which seemed much easier to adapt to. It was also clear that flowers were important to them, as all they could see for miles in clearly inhabited areas were vibrant beds of them. Barry was at least comforted by the beauty of the area.

Beside him, Merle rubbed his hands as he stared out the window. “I think I’m gonna like it here.” He giggled.

Alright.

Davenport landed the _Starblaster_ just outside the edge of a city. Then he turned around in his seat to face everyone.

“I guess we need a plan.”

~

It was difficult, at first, to live in this new world, if only because they were constantly concerned that the terrible darkness would come for them at any moment. But as the weeks went by, nothing happened. And then a few months, and still nothing. They started to get comfortable, but still alert, just in case. They met people, learned about their culture, conducted research, searched for the Light. It was a nice place to live.

But try as he might, Barry was constantly worried that that thing, whatever it was, was going to come back and ruin it all again. The uncertainty often tied his stomach in knots, and on those days, he tried to convince himself that they were safe here, that it wasn’t going to come back and wreck the beautiful world underneath their feet.

And then, exactly one year from the day they landed, there it was again.

He raced back as fast as he could to the _Starblaster_ , and this time, everyone was on board when they took off. He felt that familiar pull that landed him right back in the spot he found himself in the year previously, looked and saw that Magnus once again had a fresh black eye, and watched out the window with the others as the darkness engulfed the plane they’d just left.

“So,” Magnus began, breaking the silence. “Anyone have any idea why the hell this keeps happening?”

“There’s definitely a pattern,” Davenport agreed, looking at Barry.

Barry nodded. He was definitely going to have to do some digging and figure this out, although he wasn’t really sure where to even begin.

“Hell yeah!” Lup cheered. “Science this shit, Barold.”

He was certainly going to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be up much sooner! It's pretty much done, so hopefully by the end of the week!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this got away from me a bit lol but I hope you enjoy!

Bleak.

That’s how this fifth world looked. They had landed the _Starblaster_ in a grassy clearing that was surrounded on all sides by dead trees. At least, Barry thought they sort of looked dead. They were still thick with leaves, but they were all brown and lifeless looking. The trunks were gnarled and dullish grey, and it was kind of hard to believe that they were still standing. But still they were, creating what looked like a thick forest as far as Barry could see. The grass below his feet looked brown and dead as well, but it didn’t crunch when he walked like he expected it to. Weird.

On top of all that, there seemed to be no signs of sentient beings, humanoid or otherwise. The group had landed hours ago, but no one came to greet them, and there were no signs of anyone around as they scouted out the area a bit. This caused them all varying degrees of worry. When everyone was back on the ship at the end of the day, Davenport cleared his throat to get their attention.

“Clearly, this might be a little harder than the last few times we’ve done this,” he said. “We had help then, but this time around it seems like we don’t.”

Lucretia closed the journal she’d been writing in. “We have no idea what this world is like. And since we don’t have any help getting around, we don’t know what could be out there.”

Barry sighed. “Makes it harder to find the Light, then.”

“Not impossible, though,” Lup countered, coming up beside him. She punched him on the arm. “We can do it, Science Man.”

Science Man. Of the nicknames he’d been given over the years with this group, he was really hoping that one wouldn’t stick. From the snickers coming from the three who’d been silent so far, that didn’t seem likely. He concentrated on not blushing as he rubbed his arm, but from the small laugh coming from Lup, that didn’t seem likely either.

“Food!” Magnus shouted suddenly, too loud for their close proximity. “What are we gonna do about food?”

“We have food, my man.” Taako pointed in the direction of the kitchen and then gestured to himself as if to demonstrate his point.

“Not enough to last for a whole year, right?”

“I’m sure we’ll figure that out, Magnus,” Lucretia assured him. “We’ve got people who can locate and study food sources.”

“I’m good with plants,” Merle said with a wink.

Gross. They’d all seen Merle be “good with plants” once before during their second cycle, and none of them really wanted to see it again.

“Anyway,” Davenport began awkwardly. “It’ll take some time, but it’ll all work out.” This seemed to satisfy Magnus, who said nothing else, and who looked completely at ease despite having what Barry considered to be an awkward interaction. “Anyone have any other pressing concerns?”

“Yeah, like, who are we supposed to impress around here?”

Everyone turned to stare at Taako. Barry couldn’t tell if that was actually his idea of a pressing concern or not; there wasn’t an ounce of humor in his expression.

Then Lup laughed, and Taako cracked the tiniest smile.

“We’ll…table that one for now, Taako,” Davenport said hesitantly, seemingly unsure if he was supposed to take the elf seriously or not. Barry didn’t blame him at all.

Taako moved his hand as if to wave the concern away. “I’ll get ‘em next year.”

Lup laughed again. “Fuck yeah.”

~

With the more valid concerns agreed upon, they’d quickly set about making plans and dividing up the work. Merle was placed in charge of finding edible plants and learning to grow them to include with the rations they already had aboard the _Starblaster_. Davenport and Lucretia set about exploring in small increments, mapping the area and taking detailed notes to help them get around. With every new mapped area, Magnus, Taako, Lup, and Barry set out to explore as well, reasoning that more people searching could find the Light quicker. Still, it was difficult to do anything quickly, as they all found this world to be oppressively hot. They all wore lighter clothing to combat this issue, Magnus wearing tanks and shorts while both Taako and Lup wore skirts. Barry, not one for variety in his apparel, thought rolling up his jeans could help. It took exactly a week for him to stop doing this, however, as the constant whistles and variations of phrases like “Barry Bluejeans, you have legs!” and “So scandalous, Science Man!” in sing-song pitches made him blush and stammer and overheat to degrees more uncomfortable than before. He settled for short sleeved shirts and hoped that it would give him some relief. It didn’t.

Despite the discomfort, they had a job to do, and they were determined to see it through. They searched for the Light, daring to venture only a little farther than the edges of the maps they were given each time. On days when they needed a break or Davenport and Lucretia were out finding new ground to cover, they stayed close to the _Starblaster_. For his part, Barry tried to be as productive as possible by conducting whatever experiments he thought could be helpful to all of them. He got the usual nerd jokes from Merle and Magnus, which he ignored, and the occasional help from Lup when she was interested, which he accepted gratefully and with some slight embarrassment he couldn’t explain. Davenport was always quick to thank him for his work, which made him feel like he was contributing something useful at least, but in the back of his mind, he knew he was falling short.

Weren’t there bigger mysteries to solve? Wasn’t he supposed to figure out where the Light was? What was this Thing, this big dark cloud of destruction, that kept terrorizing them at the end of every year, and how could they stop it? And how did they keep getting sent back every year and then shoved somewhere new?

He was a scientist, but he had no answers, and it weighed on him like the oppressive heat that surrounded them daily.

Still, he tried to overcome this defeated feeling, and threw himself into all of his work, determined to find the answers to these questions that he knew were on everyone’s minds. As often as he could over the next few months, he set out with the others to continue their search, never wavering, despite a creeping feeling that there was something out there, some invisible force among the shadows, watching. But he never saw anything, no matter how fast he turned around.

~

It turned out that Barry was partially right: there was something out there. Except it wasn’t something hiding in the shadows. It _was_ the shadows.

Not every single shadow out there; no, these were different. At first, they were hidden deep in the thickest part of the forest, where the trees practically bended over towards each other, allowing very little light to see the ground. Davenport reported this to the others one night after he and Lucretia had returned, as they all sat down to eat dinner together in the _Starblaster_. Lucretia remained silent as he described it, but after a moment, when Davenport trailed off, despite seeming to have more to say, she told them all something that sent chills through Barry’s spine:

“They whisper.”

Nothing distinguishable, but a definite chattering that, while not wholly unpleasant, was pretty unnerving. It was agreed that they wouldn’t go back out that way for the time being.

Unfortunately, the shadows didn’t make the same agreement. As the weeks went by, the chattering could be heard all around them no matter which way they went, and seemed to be following them, making their circles smaller. Sometimes the shadows retreated, but other times, the crew was forced to stay close to the _Starblaster_ on the outskirts of the surrounding trees. Occasionally, Taako and Lup took turns blasting the shadows with various spells, but nothing seemed to make them stop or hurt them in any way.

 After a month of this, it occurred to Barry that maybe he should be studying these shadows instead of cowering away from them, but it became perfectly clear to him that he shouldn’t do that at all on one particularly horrible afternoon.

The crew was hanging out in and around the ship, trying to ignore the whispered chattering coming from the edge of the dead forest. Barry sat at a makeshift table outside reading, or at least trying to. He kept getting distracted by Magnus and Lup nearby. He wasn’t sure what they were doing, but whatever it was, it was loud as hell as usual, and clearly involved trying to get Taako to join in. Barry figured that was a battle already lost.

From his position he could see Merle, a few yards away, tending to his little garden. He could hear the dwarf singing songs to himself, all Pan related, as he worked. It sounded nice, and he tried to focus on that as he read, preferring it to the constant whispers that were far less comforting. Just as he was getting into his book, the relative peace was suddenly interrupted by a panicked shout from Magnus.

“Merle, get out of there!”

Barry looked up and saw a long shadow creeping from the trees, directly toward Merle. Merle turned to look, and then immediately started running back toward the _Starblaster_ as fast as his small legs could carry him. The shadow was much faster, and quickly engulfed the dwarf in darkness. Barry watched, scared stiff with the others, as the shadow paused in its place. Then it pulled back, and Merle was nowhere to be seen.

As the shadow reached the edge of the tree line once more, the whispered chattering fell silent. The silence chilled Barry despite the heat. He saw Magnus take a step forward. Before he could take another, the chattering picked up again, louder still, and shadows came for their ship in all directions.

“Bye!” Taako turned and ran directly up the ship’s ramp.

Barry and Lup turned to do the same, but paused when they saw Magnus heading the opposite direction. Lup grabbed his arm.

“Magnus you absolutely cannot save him and there’s nothing we know of that fights them off,” she warned. “You go and your dead, so come on!”

Magnus looked ready to argue, but after a moment’s hesitation, turned and ran with them back inside the ship. Davenport, already in the captain’s chair, took off as soon as he saw them. As they flew off, they looked at the ground below, and the shadows were already retreating.

For a long moment, no one said anything, both from fear and out of respect for Merle. Then Davenport spoke from the front:

“I’ll find us somewhere else.”

~

It had taken a few days of non-stop moving, but eventually Davenport had found higher ground, far away from any trees filled with shadows. He had landed the ship on the flattest part of a mountainous area, and it was much prettier than the area that they had previously called home for five months, and a little cooler. But only slightly.

That night, Davenport got out some glasses and some whiskey and they all drank, toasted to Merle, and promised to see him soon. Then they all fell silent. It occurred to Barry, and he assumed the rest of them, that “soon” wasn’t all that soon. This was the first time that one of them had died from something other than that Thing at the end of the year, and it made him feel sick to think that they would have to be without Merle for so long.

“This…sucks,” Taako told his empty glass.

Lucretia choked out a strange squeak of a noise as she put her head in her hands and began to sob. Davenport put his hand on her shoulder.

For once, Barry completely understood where Taako was coming from.

This sucked.

~

It really didn’t get any better.

While they didn’t have to deal with constant whispering shadows, there were more dangers here on the mountain, and these turned out to be just as deadly.

After about a month, Davenport and Lucretia had found a cave down the mountain, and while exploring it with Magnus and Barry, Davenport had cut his hand on the cave wall, which he quickly realized was coated with a toxic substance. They brought him back to the ship, but they had no antidote for this toxin that they had no knowledge of. Had Merle still been alive, he might have been able to stop it with healing magic, but they didn’t have that option. It wasn’t long until their captain was gone.

They lost Magnus soon after that, although it wasn’t clear exactly what happened to him. He had claimed he’d seen some wildlife a few miles from their position while exploring with Lup one day, and he wanted to go hunting. He waved off all concerns that he needed someone out there with him, and went despite everyone else being busy, not informing anyone of his intentions. When he didn’t come back that night, they all went looking for him the next morning. All they found was his hunting gear propped up against a rock.

Four out of seven were all that were left, and they still had a few months to go. They continued to get by, being extra cautious, taking no risks. Lucretia journaled. Taako and Lup practiced magic. Barry conducted his research.

But his heart wasn’t in it.

And so he found himself sitting quietly one night, close enough to be able to see the _Starblaster_ , but far enough away that he didn’t think anyone would bother to come disturb him, feeling absolutely miserable.

He missed them. Merle, Davenport, Magnus-none of them deserved the fates they were dealt. They should have made it a full year, seen that terrible fucking cloud descend, and helped him figure out what the hell it was, even if Merle’s and Magnus’s answers were wholly unhelpful.

That was another thing: he was still no closer to any answers to the questions he had at the beginning of the year. They never even found the Light. For all he knew, it had been swallowed up by the shadows a long time ago. And this left him feeling useless. Sure, he could study this land as much as he wanted, but at the end of the year, it would all be for nothing. They’d be reset and dropped into a completely different place, somehow, and forced to start all over again. He was starting to wish he had never set foot on the _Starblaster_ in the first place, that he had just stayed home. Except that would mean he’d probably be dead by now, because he was pretty sure there was no home to go back to.

Barry felt a tear slide down his cheek.

Hopeless. That’s how this fifth world looked to him.

Lost in his own misery, he didn’t hear the footsteps coming up behind him.

“Hey there, Science Man!”

Shit. Not now, and not Lup of all people. He didn’t want Lup to see him crying. He quickly scrubbed at his face, and tried to look as normal as possible before turning around to face her.

Lup kept coming closer. “Taako made dinner, Science Man. Figured you’d want some, yeah? It’s been-” She stopped in her tracks, concern evident on her face. “Barry? What’s wrong?” she asked, immediately panicked.

Clearly his attempts didn’t work. He tried to work around the lump in his throat. She came another step closer, and he held up a hand. “I’m fine,” he managed, but it sounded watery and most definitely not fine. Another step. “Shit, n-no Lup, trust me I’m f-fine _-_ ”

He stopped protesting, no longer trusting himself to speak. She stopped in front of him, and put her hand on his shoulder. She regarded him quietly for a moment, then let out a small sigh.

“Barry, you aren’t, and its alright not to be,” she said softly. “If you want, just tell me to go and I’ll leave. But if not, I’m right here.”

Again, Barry didn’t speak, but he shook his head. He found himself reaching towards her, and grabbed the hem of the IPRE robe she was wearing over her clothes, clinging to it.

“Okay then,” Lup whispered. She took another small step closer, and then gave his shoulder a small squeeze. “So, cry.”

And so he did.

~

Lup didn’t ask him to, but as his tears subsided, he told her why he was crying in the first place, what he’d been feeling the past few months. She didn’t interrupt. By the time he finished explaining, the tears had finally stopped. Silence hung between them for a moment. Then Barry cleared his throat.

“Your shoulder is all wet,” he sniffled, apologetic.

Lup turned her head and inspected the damage. “It needed a good wash on that side,” she said with a small laugh. Then she sobered. “You know, Barry, its tough out here. But that’s life, right? Sometimes you’re in the pits, and you just gotta ride it out.”

“Yeah, but don’t you ever get…tired? Just riding it out?” Barry asked her, staring at the ground. “Just when we get the hang of one thing, it’s all taken away and we have to start from scratch. It feels so…unstable.”

Lup looked thoughtful for a moment. “That’s true. Believe me I get it. Taako and I lived with instability for a long time when we were younger.”

Barry looked up again. “You did? What happened?”

“Another time,” she said, with a small wave of her hand. “Do you know what we did when everything else in life was unstable?”

He shook his head.

“We leaned on each other. When there was nothing else, there was Taako and me, me and Taako. And we were happy.” She paused then, and looked back towards the ship. “Here? There’s seven of us. Or, there will be soon. Seven people all working together to figure this shit out. Seven people to share the times that really suck and the ones that are really good. This year, it’s really fucking sucked.” She turned back around to face him, expectant. “But there have been times that were really good, remember?”

He did. The first time he, Lup, and Taako had been able to communicate with the animals from the first world they visited. That time during the third year that he had successfully helped create a system that helped the people of that world to harvest their food quicker. Evenings the IPRE spent aboard the _Starblaster_ , laughing and talking. The memories were distant, but they were there.

Lup pointed at him. “See? You remember. And there’ll be more times like that. We’re living for those. And to figure out the rest. You think that you have to answer all the major questions all alone because you’re the science guy, but you don’t. You have help.”

Barry gave a small smile. “Magnus and Merle?”

Lup laughed loudly. Barry felt himself grow warm at the sound that he had heard so many times, but this time it wasn’t from his reddening face. It was in his chest.

“No, you nerd,” she giggled. She then drew closer and put a hand on his shoulder. He forgot how to breathe. “You have me.”

Frozen, Barry could only stare at her, a comically large, but incredibly sincere smile on her face. He felt a whisper of something ghosting around in his chest along with the warm feeling already there, but couldn’t focus on it. There was something else more prominent. A thought that was louder than everything else, and much easier to hold on to than a feeling he couldn’t name:

Lup was beautiful.

Maybe that was obvious. She and her brother both were. Ask anyone, they’d tell you. Taako would tell you, even if you didn’t ask. It was just a fact.

But still, standing in front of him in a slightly damp IPRE robe was Lup.

His beautiful friend Lup.

When he didn’t answer, she cocked her head to the side. “Alright there, Barry?"

This time he did blush, embarrassed that he’d just been staring. He nodded anyway. “Yeah, I am now,” he told her. He hoped she knew that it was truer now than it had been for a while.

From the look on her face, it was clear that she did, and answered him with equal sincerity.

“I’m so glad.”

~

It was coming.

 Barry had never been so ready for an apocalypse, but as he stood outside the _Starblaster_ waiting and watching the sky with the others, he wanted it over and done with so that they could start somewhere new. Lucretia would be flying out of there in Davenport’s place. She’d taught herself to fly the ship and had practiced over the past few months, and she was confident she could fly them safely out. As for Barry and Lup…

“Are you two still planning on staying?” Lucretia asked them.

“For sure!” Lup exclaimed, rubbing her hands together eagerly. “The first time I die, I want it to be rad. Staring down Mr. Death Cloud with my middle finger up feels pretty rad to me.” She turned to Barry. “And besides, scientists need exciting experiments every once in a while, right?”

He never called it “exciting”, but Barry had told Lup he wanted to experience what it would be like, dying to the cloud. Maybe it would help lead him to some answers. Or maybe it would just feel like dying. Either way, he felt like he had to do it, and Lup had offered to stay and die with him. He was grateful for the company, and he was glad it was Lup.

“Right,” he replied, a little nervously.

“You sure you don’t want to stay, Taako?” Lup teased.

At that moment, the wind picked up and the world started fading to dull colors. They all looked up to see the cloud, dark and storm-like, descending.

Taako made finger guns at his sister. “Hell no, Taako out!” He turned and ran towards the ship. “Love you lots,” he called back over his shoulder, drawing out the last word. They all watched him disappear inside.

Lucretia turned back to Lup and Barry. “I suppose that’s my cue. You two stay…” She trailed off.

Lup smiled. “See you in a bit!”

Lucretia nodded, and then headed into the _Starblaster_ as well. They watched the ship take off and then stood, left alone, waiting. Barry felt himself starting to sweat.

“Quick,” Lup blurted, “What’s on your bucket list?”

Barry couldn’t help but laugh. Trust Lup to make a joke out of dying. But it sort of was a joke; they knew they’d be back.

The cloud wasn’t far off now. Just a few minutes more.

“We’ll beat this thing one day, Barry.”

The determination in her voice caught his attention, and he looked away from the sky to study her. She looked more serious than he had ever seen her. He nodded.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Gonna kick its ass.”

She perked up immediately. “Wow, those are fighting words,” she said, impressed.  She looked up once more. “Hear that, Shit Cloud? I’m Lup, this is Barry, and we’re the IPRE!”

She stuck her middle finger up. “And we’re gonna kick your ass!”

She then sidled up next to him so that they were standing shoulder to shoulder. The proximity was comforting, and sent that whispered ghost of a feeling back to his chest, but that wasn’t something he could focus on now, even if he wanted to.

The storm was now surrounding them, swirling and thick in the air. He felt cold. It was a different kind of cold than he’d ever felt before, but at least it wasn’t painful like he expected it to be. Emboldened, he stuck his middle finger in the air too.

Lup let out a single encouraging laugh. “Hell yeah!” she shouted, completely unfazed.

Barry closed his eyes as a black tendril shot towards him.

~

And then he was back on the _Starblaster_. He was in the same spot he always was, and so were all six of the other crew members, Lucretia having been magically switched out for Davenport.

Barry’s eyes fell on Lup, a habit that had started for some reason a few cycles back, and saw she and Taako were looking each other over, as they always did, needing to make sure. 

Then Lup turned around and met his eyes, surprising him. She smiled. “That was the best science experiment ever.”

Barry chuckled. He kind of agreed.

Suddenly, Magnus gasped. “I got swallowed whole by a man-eating rabbit!”

Lucretia let out a watery laugh. She brushed away a few tears as she pulled Magnus in for a hug. The others couldn’t resist joining in, except for Davenport at the wheel. After extracting herself, Lucretia made her way over, and patted his arm.

“Glad to have you back,” she told him.

“Good to be back,” he responded

Taako cleared his throat. “So, how was dying?” he asked, looking at Lup.

“The angry puff cloud says hello,” she answered.

“We really need to come up with a name for it,” Barry said. “It would be so much easier that way. And more scientific.”

“The Hunger,” Lucretia said. They all looked at her questioningly. “The Hunger,” she repeated, holding up her book. “Its what I’ve been calling it.”

Merle stroked his beard. “The Hunger, huh? I like it.”

Everyone else expressed similar agreements. Lup turned to Barry.

“Scientific enough for you, Barold?”

“Definitely,” he told her.

Davenport spoke up from the front. “Heading back into the plane again.”

“Alright, world, get ready for Taako!” Taako cheered.

“Hell yeah,” his sister agreed. “We’re gonna kill it out there.”

Looking at all six of his team members, together again, Barry couldn’t agree more.  


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *looks at last upload date* Oh no....

There was nothing more exciting than good science.

Actually, that probably wasn’t a universal feeling. But since he wasn’t one for finding excitement in adventurous ways, Barry maintained that science was the most pleasantly exciting thing he could possibly engage in. Nothing got his heart pumping like theorizing and testing and ultimately coming up with conclusions that gave satisfactory answers to the major questions of life. Having answers was the best feeling.

The worst was explaining them.

“So our recorded state-”

“Wait wait, our what now?”

“Recorded state.”

“Oh. No wait, sorry, what?”

Barry sighed heavily as he dragged his hands down his face. He wasn’t necessarily irritated at Magnus’s questions; he was just completely exhausted. He’d spent much of this seventh year attempting to understand the “cycle” that the IPRE had found themselves stuck in, how and why they kept being reset after exactly 365 days had passed. The why wasn’t exactly clear, but months and months of long days and late nights had more or less lead to an understanding of how it kept happening. Definitely worth it, but draining nonetheless. But he couldn’t complain too much; he hadn’t had to shoulder the task alone.

“You know that wicked black eye you always have at the start of every year, Magnus?” Lup asked from beside him. “And that scratch you have on your forehead, Merle?”

Both men instinctively reached up to touch the spots their respective ailments always appeared, and then nodded as Lup continued. “You had those when we left home, and then the Hunger came and destroyed everything. It somehow screwed up the planes, and when we passed through ours, our state of being was basically stitched into reality. So every year when the Hunger comes back and we leave the plane, we’re reset to exactly as we were. Magnus has a black eye, Merle’s got a scratch, and I’m standing over there, Taako’s next to me, and so on. Recorded state.” She looked at Barry then, smiling. “Right?”

He smiled back. “Right.”

Barry could think of at least ten different ways to break the ice and become less awkward around your coworker, and all of them would be better than “have a break down in front of them and cry on their shoulder”. Unfortunately, cycle five had forced him to do just that, but somehow that had worked for them. Now almost two whole cycles later, he could actually look Lup in the eye without combusting from his own awkwardness. Though she didn’t seem like she would be, Lup was interested in science, and their individual skills complimented each other to the point that he worked better with her than by himself. If one good thing came out of the mortifying situation from that shitty year, it was that he now had a partner, and he was definitely grateful for it.

“Fascinating.” Lucretia stilled the pen in her hand and looked up from her notebook. “Do we have any idea how to break the cycle?”

“Unfortunately, no,” Barry answered her. “That probably has something to do with stopping the Hunger, and we have no clue how to do that.”

“Yet,” Lup added, sounding eager.

“Yet,” Barry repeated with a chuckle.

“Well, you did answer quite a few questions that we had, and for that I commend you,” Davenport told them. “I’m sure we’ll learn more in the next cycle, but you’ve done well in this one, and you should be proud of yourselves. Keep it up.”

Barry nodded and stifled a yawn. Lup stood completely straight and raised her hand in a dramatic salute. “Aye aye, Cap’n Port.”

Davenport groaned quietly and suddenly looked just as tired as Barry felt, but he didn’t protest the nickname. He’d given that up a while ago. It was harmless, after all, and Barry suspected that he secretly relished the joy that it brought Lup, Magnus, Taako, and Merle to call him that. For his part, Barry tried not to laugh. How did Lup have so much energy and where could he get some? Maybe a nap would help.

As Davenport dismissed them and the group dispersed, Barry thought maybe he’d do just that. They didn’t have much time left in this cycle and they’d already found the Light, so maybe he had time for a small break. He yawned again, unable to stifle it this time, and felt himself sway to one side as he closed his eyes. Maybe he could just sleep standing up and not have to move anywhere.

He startled at the sound of a giggle from beside him. “You going to just fall over or what’s your plan here, Barry?” Lup looked way too amused to pull off the pitying look she was trying to go for.

“I thought about falling over,” he replied, slightly embarrassed, as he rubbed the back of his neck. “But I guess right here on the floor wouldn’t be very comfortable.”

“Sounds adorable, though.”

He tried not to overthink her use of the word. “Either way, my bed sounds better.”

“I’ll leave you to it, then.” She lightly punched him in the arm, not hard enough to hurt (much) and gave him a small wave as she walked off. “Eat dinner with me later!” she called over her shoulder.

“Will do!” he promised, rubbing his arm.

As he made his way to his room, kicked off his shoes, and crawled into bed, a small thought in his sleep deprived brain cursed the fact that it wasn’t dinner time yet. Which was stupid. He wasn’t at all hungry.

As he drifted off to sleep, he rubbed his arm again, even though it no longer stung.

~

“You know what doesn’t follow this whole recorded state rule? My hard candies.”

Barry almost choked on the water he’d just taken a sip of. He looked at Magnus seated beside him. “What do you mean?” he asked, trying not to laugh.

“You and Lup said that we keep going back to our recorded state whenever we leave the plane. But I guess it only applies to us and not, like, objects, because I never see my supply of hard candies that I brought with me from home restock.” Magnus sighed then. “Also, I’m almost out.”

“Unfortunate,” Taako, sitting across from him, snorted.

Honestly, trust Magnus to worry about things like his hard candies not regenerating along with his own body. But that was fine; not everyone needed to be filled with anxiety over the possible consequences of their states of being, as Barry was trying not to be. It’s not like he knew what those could possibly be.

“It’s a tragic loss, Magnus, really,” Lup said from her seat beside Taako. “Rest in pieces, candy.”

Barry did laugh at that, as did Magnus and Taako. “Yeah, thanks, Lup,” Magnus chuckled.

She winked at him, then the four of them fell silent as they continued eating. After a moment, she broke the silence once again.

“Any guesses on what the next world is going to be like?”

Right, they had thirteen days left before the Hunger came. This world hadn’t been so bad; the inhabitants were nice, if a little distrusting at first, and it hadn’t been that hard to find the Light since it had fallen pretty close to the _Starblaster_. But there were still some complaints.

“Whatever its like, can it just not rain all the time?" Taako whined. “It makes my hair frizzy and I can’t pull that off. Actually,” he paused for a moment, thinking. “I can. But I don’t like it.”

“It has been pretty damp,” Barry agreed.

“I’m all for better weather,” Lup said. She then smiled enthusiastically in Barry’s direction. “We can have more adventures that way!”

And by “we” he knew she meant the two of them. There had actually been two positives that came from his meltdown. Not only had he gained Lup as a partner, he had also gained her as a friend. Or maybe it just made him realize that Lup was already his friend, despite the fact that she was way too cool to consider him one. It really made no sense to him, but he cherished that friendship anyway, and all that came with it, including Lup’s version of affection.

Once Barry started actually spending time with Lup, it was obvious that she’d been attempting to show him this affection all along. She punched him in the shoulder or she tousled his hair, and these actions generally proceeded her calling him adorable. Or cute, or something similar. And once he learned that that was Lup’s way of showing him she cared, he stopped blushing profusely over it.

It didn’t, however, stop the overwhelming fondness from creeping across his heart.

He tried not to melt under the blinding smile she gave him now, or shrink away from the gazes of Magnus and Taako, whose presence at this moment, for no particular reason, made him squirm in his seat. It’s not like they knew how cheesy he was.

 “We’ll have plenty, weather be damned,” he said, making it very obvious how cheesy he was.

But neither of the other two men seemed to notice or care, as Magnus changed the subject to his hope that the next world would at least have hard candy somewhere. Barry listened as he argued with Taako about the possibility of the elf either making him some through magic or normal means, and Taako claimed that idea to be a gross misuse of either of his skills, thank you very much. To diffuse the situation, Lup interjected with a conversation she had with “Cap n’ Port” about wanting to come up with better ways gain the confidence of the inhabitants of the worlds they visited, since they seemed to have issues doing so.

Barry nodded. “Cap n’ Port’s right, though, that’s-”

“Who now?” Taako asked, attention snapping to Barry immediately, clearly delighted.

“I-no, um,” Barry stammered, realizing his mistake. “I mean-”

“That’s our captain, Barold!” Taako held his hand dramatically to his chest in mock offense as Lup and Magnus snickered.

He rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes, its very funny,” he conceded, blushing only a little. He should learn to think before speaking. Or stop hanging around Lup so much.

Lup stood and leaned over the table towards Barry and rubbed his hair. “Cute,” she giggled.

As she sat back down in her seat, he reached up to pat his hair back down, trying not to blush any harder as he made eye contact with her. She smiled at him affectionately.

Think before speaking it was.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pardon the flimsy world premise and enjoy the blupjeans!

Its what’s on the inside that counts.

A cheesy saying, but one that Barry strived to live by nonetheless. He wasn’t one to make snap decisions about people upon meeting them based of first impressions or appearances. At least, he tried not to. There was some amount of decency in most souls, he believed, and even if it wasn’t obvious immediately, he’d give them a few chances. Obviously, some people really were just miserable beings; he’d run across some, both in his former life and in the past eleven years. But most proved his theory, given the chance, and he’d met and become friends with so many different and interesting people in his lifetime. It made life more fulfilling.

Which was why this particular world made very little sense to him.

“Have you tried wearing something other than jeans?”

“No. I mean, I don’t really have any—wait, what’s wrong with my jeans? You don’t like my jeans?”

“Did I say that? No, your jeans are rad. I’ve never met anyone who could pull off dad jeans as well as you can.”

“Dad jeans? Lup, they’re not-”

Lup looked up from the map she was studying, smirking. “I mean, if you weren’t wearing jeans, how would I even know its you? Oh my god, wait!” she gasped. “Are they like, a talisman or something, that holds in some super power? If you take them off, do you become like Super Monster Barry?”

“Yeah, actually,” Barry confirmed, voice hushed now. “I was trying to keep it a secret all this time, but you caught me. At night in my room, I take them off and I get super buff. Bigger than Magnus. Bigger than that ripped guy who kept throwing boulders at the _Starblaster_ all last cycle. It’s terrifying.”

Lup snorted at that. “Holy shit.”

“Right?” Barry chuckled. Then he sobered, rubbing the back of his neck. “Uh, is there actually something wrong with-”

“Of course not!” she interrupted, looking serious now. “No one who matters thinks there is. It’s just that this place is…judgmental.”

She wasn’t wrong. They’d been in this world for two months now, but it was blatantly obvious that they were being judged the moment the IPRE landed here.

The crew had seen fully functioning cities and humanoid beings as they flew the _Starblaster_ down into the plane, and Davenport had deemed it safe to venture out soon after the ship landed in a wooded area just outside of town. They didn’t make it very far before they were visited by a group of well-dressed individuals demanding to know who they were and what their business here was. Davenport had tried to explain, but he was immediately cut off by a man in the middle, who seemed to be the leader of the group.

“Not you,” he’d basically sneered, pointing at Davenport but not sparing him a glance. His finger slid across the line until it made its way to Taako, and the man’s face had become instantly friendlier. “Him. Or her.” And at this, he pointed to Lup next to him.

The crew had gone silent, and they all stared in the direction of the twins. Barry could see Lup attempting to form words through her surprise, but Taako had gotten there first.

“We’re the IPRE, my dude, and we’re gonna be here for a while.”

Surprisingly, this made the man laugh. “That will be just fine. I would like you to come with me just for a bit, my friend, uh…” The man waved his hand as if beckoning for a name.

Taako cocked his head a bit. “Taako?” It sounded like a question.

“Taako, yes. Just for a bit. I’d like to know more but I’d rather not stand here and chat.” The man looked around as if the scenery of the woods offended him. When Taako didn’t immediately move, the man turned to smile at Lup. “You can come too, Miss.”

“Lup.” Lup offered, hesitantly.

“How lovely,” the man sighed. He then turned around and his group began to walk away “Anyway, come along,” he called over his shoulder.

The twins had glanced down the line back to Davenport, who gestured for them to go ahead.

“Careful,” he warned them. “We’ll be here.”

When the twins were out of sight, the rest of the crew continued to stand in silence, rooted to their spots, until Merle let out a low chuckle.

“What a dick.”

They all laughed at that and agreed, and with the tension broken, they made their way back into the _Starblaster_ to wait for Taako and Lup to return. Barry’s stomach churned with anxiety, but he tried to comfort himself with the fact that if the man had wanted to hurt them, he probably would have done it here instead of taking them elsewhere. Besides, he seemed impressed by them for some reason. Thankfully, his worries were for nothing, as the twins came back in one piece a few hours later with a story to tell that made the everything make sense. In context, at least.

The man they’d met, Delman, was in charge of the city they’d flown over, and he was more than willing to share with Taako and Lup the way things worked, provided they tell him exactly why they were here. The twins were completely honest and took the opportunity to summarize the IPRE’s mission, about the Light, and about the timeframe they had to save this world from the Hunger. When they finished, they sat in awkward silence as Delman seemed to consider their explanation. Then he laughed.

“If that’s the story you’re sticking to, my friends, that’s quite alright with me.” As the twins tried to convince him, he shook his head. “Really, you look nice enough. I’m not sure about this Hunger nonsense, but I won’t stop you and your…associates from conducting whatever business you deem necessary, provided that you all understand how we operate.”

And with that, he told them briefly about the world. It sounded similar to home, except for one key difference: society was basically split up based on beauty.

“He didn’t really say so out right, but I sort of got the impression that if you didn’t have looks, you didn’t have much,” Lup explained, shuffling awkwardly. “People without them have harder jobs and worse living conditions by extension. Apparently, even the ‘pretty’ people spend large amounts of time and money trying to make themselves prettier, whatever that means. Didn’t really ask.” She paused then, clearly uncomfortable. “I mean, isn’t it like, a subjective thing? I don’t really get why-”

“Lup, I’m not offended by what happened earlier,” Davenport interrupted kindly. He gave her a smile. “Not everyone can appreciate such a dignified mustache,” he added, twirling the end of his. “Clearly this Delman fellow didn’t.”

“Sounds like an…interesting culture,” Lucretia said. “I don’t know what the standards of beauty are, but from the welcoming we got today, I’m guessing we might have a hard time.”

“Then again,” Taako spoke up from beside his sister, noticeably posing just a little. “You do have the two of us, and we evidently did pass the beauty portion of this little pageant show, so maybe privileges extend to you by association.”

 _Oh, well thank God_. Barry stopped short of rolling his eyes. It’s not like Taako was wrong. Or not objectively one of the prettiest people he’d ever met.

And luckily, as Taako had predicted, the crew had had a relatively easy time of it so far. As Delman promised, they were left to their own devices as far as looking for the Light went, and they were granted access to the better parts of the city, including job positions, which was necessary for basic necessities and part of the expectations of living here. It wasn’t much of a burden, and in the case of some of them, entertaining. Taako had found a high fashion clothing shop and spent most of his time there, though he didn’t necessarily need to. Lucretia worked in a library, but Barry suspected that she spent most of her time there reading about the world for her own records. The rest of them found part time work in various shops, which allowed them time for their own personal activities. Like finding the Light.

Barry had taken up the endeavor himself this cycle, and as usual, Lup had volunteered herself as well. Luckily, they’d seen it falling this time around, so they had a direction to head in at least. And now that they’d gotten a detailed enough map of the area to search for it, they wanted to start as soon as possible. They hadn’t found it last cycle, and the IPRE had watched as the Hunger consumed the entire plane, growing bigger as it did. Given the resources they had, Barry had a feeling it wouldn’t be too difficult to find this time, so he wasn’t that concerned. His biggest concern was just making it through the year.

And maybe it was a silly thing to worry about. As far as he could tell, this place wasn’t all that dangerous. There were functioning societies, safe living conditions, and nothing that wanted to hunt them down. It’s just that the people here were….

“Judgemental’s a good word for it,” Barry agreed, watching as Lup circled an area on the map.

“My point is that people here are weird. And if you get snubbed, its nothing to do with you, its just them.” She looked up from her map again. “Personally, I think you’re pretty great, jeans and all. Wouldn’t change a single thing.” She winked.

He felt his cheeks turn red, and bent down to pretend to study the map in an attempt to hide it. “Gee, thanks,” he mumbled.

He didn’t do a good job of it. “Nerd,” she grinned.

The urge to say something cheesy and embarrassing was strong, but fortunately he was saved by a shouted greeting from Taako from behind him. Barry turned to find both the elf and a smartly dressed man he didn’t recognize approaching them.

“Playing hooky, Taako?” Lup asked her brother.

“Hell no, who’d play hooky from heaven itself? Nah, me and Flynn are just on break. He’s showing me the best place to eat lunch. The soup’s to die for, apparently.”

“Bring me back some, then.”

“Only if I don’t eat it all.”

Lup made a face, then turned to Flynn and smiled. “I’m Lup.”

Barry held up a hand. “Barry.”

Flynn’s eyes briefly slid to him before focusing on Lup. He smiled at her. “Nice to meet _you_.”

Barry couldn’t tell if he was mishearing the emphasis or not, but chose to believe it was in his head.

“Well, we’re off to have this _life changing_ soup,” Taako announced with much emphasis that Barry did not make up as he turned to leave. “See ya, suckers.”

Barry watched Flynn as he turned and trailed after Taako, then turned back to the map on the table. “So we mostly have a plan of attack here. I think we should pack a backpack to get us through maybe a day or two, and we can set out tomorrow. And maybe Davenport will let us take the _Starblaster_ at some point if we need to go super far, but we’ll play it by ear.” He turned to Lup. “Shit, all that talk about soup is making me hungry.”

Lup didn’t respond, and in fact gave no indication she heard him at all. She stared off in the direction that Taako and Flynn had gone.

“You there, Lup?” he asked, confused.

At the sound of her name, she turned towards him quickly. “What? Oh yeah.” She gave him a light punch in the arm. “Soup, I hear you!”

~

Day after day spent trekking further south from the main city, and Barry and Lup had nothing to show for it but tired feet and questions that they could answer if they only had time to stop and experiment with the world around them. No trace of the Light, but now they knew where it definitely wasn’t, so neither of them could really write off the month as a waste. Not that Barry could ever consider time spent with Lup a waste anyway.

With no sign of their prize anywhere, they decided to head back to civilization to regroup and gather more supplies before heading back out again. As they entered the city, they spotted Davenport walking through the square.

“Hey Cap’n Port!” Lup called.

Davenport turned at the nickname, and immediately looked relieved to see them. “You’re alive, I see. No luck, huh?”

“Not yet, but we think that based off the Light’s trajectory when it fell, we just have to adjust our course a little,” Barry reported. “According to the map we have, its in the direction of the other city.”

“Sounds like a good place to start. Be sure to rest up a day or two before you go. I’ll see you two in a bit, I’m off to find Lucretia,” Davenport said, giving them a small wave.

Lup saluted him. “Bye, Cap’n Port.” She then turned to Barry. “Let’s stop by and see Taako. Gonna beg him to make some food for us to take.”

“Sounds good.”

As they made their way to the shop, Barry quietly watched the passerby going about their business, feeling the judgment emanating from them. He’d forgotten about it over the past month away from them, but he’d try not to let it get to him while he was here.

“Afternoon, Lup,” came an unfamiliar voice.

They both turned to find an only vaguely familiar face as a tall, well dressed man came walking towards them. Barry remembered meeting him, but couldn’t for the life of him remember-

“Flynn!” Lup exclaimed with an incredible amount of enthusiasm. She then winced slightly, seemingly embarrassed about it.

At least she could remember the guy.

“Haven’t seen you around in a while,” Flynn said.

“We’ve been looking for the Light,” Barry told him.

Flynn glanced at Barry briefly, then looked away. “Ah, Taako mentioned something like that.”

“Do you know if he’s at work?” Lup asked, noticeably quieter now.

“Yes, he is, and I was on my way back there now. I’ll walk with you.”

As the three continued on their way, Barry fell silent as Lup and Flynn talked, feeling awkward. He didn’t see a point in speaking up, as anything he said might be ignored by the latter. Might as well spare himself the effort. When they reached the shop door, Lup turned to Barry.

“Coming in?”

“Nah, I don’t go into clothing shops I can’t buy dad jeans in,” Barry joked.

Lup laughed, and then reached up to pat his head. “That’s cute, good one,” she giggled.

Barry blushed slightly, and Lup laughed again as she headed inside. He smoothed his hair back down as he watched her go. The sound of a scoff behind him reminded him that Flynn was still standing there, and the smile he didn’t know he was wearing faded away.

The man was slightly taller than him, and he stared down to look directly at him now. Scrutinizing, Barry could tell. Like everyone else in this city, he was good looking in an other-worldly sort of way, but it didn’t seem like he’d had enhancements to make himself look like that. He looked like he might be friendly person, if he wanted to be.

 He looked Barry up and down once, then smirked in a decidedly unfriendly way. “Yeah right,” he snorted.

Barry watched, confused and uncomfortable, as he opened the door and followed Lup inside.

~

Against the urging of Flynn **,** who said it was “absolutely awful” there, Barry and Lup travelled in the direction of the other city, where those who had been deemed not worthy of living in the main city lived. Both of them were apprehensive, but upon their arrival, they found that, despite looking a little more run down there, everyone was perfectly nice and welcoming. Barry tried not to take it to heart that their worst crime was looking as plain as himself and put his efforts toward searching for the Light.

After a few weeks of searching and asking around, they got a lead that someone on the outskirts of town had possession of an object that sounded like what they were looking for. They followed the directions of the townsfolk to a crumbling little house and found an older woman there, who gladly showed them that she did, indeed, have the Light. She was unwilling to hand it over for free, however, claiming she’d “found the funny thing fair and square, kids,”, but she was willing to hand it over if they worked for it.

With no other option, Barry and Lup spent a few more weeks helping the woman, Myra, fix and clean up her house. Neither complained and they found it fun at times, although Lup occasionally seemed to stress over it.

“We really need that Light, Barry. We need to get it back.”

Barry thought that was obvious and unsure why it needed restating, but he continually assured her they’d have it soon and be back with the rest of the IPRE. They had plenty of time left in the year, after all, and the Light was practically theirs already.

True to her word, Myra, with a safer and more livable house, handed over the Light, and sent the two on their way. Barry and Lup returned to the _Starblaster_ late one evening, and Magnus rushed them both, blubbering and thanking them profusely for “not being dead”.

After untangling himself from Magnus’s bear hug, Barry, exhausted, brought the Light to Davenport for safe keeping, and then made his way back outside the ship to look for Lup. He found Taako hanging out by the entrance instead.

“Barold,” Taako said, drawing out the end of the name.

“Taako,” Barry replied, nodding. “Nice…hat?”

“What, this thing?” Taako adjusted the hat slightly. “Got it at the shop. Someone requested this thing specially made, and then had the gall to say they didn’t like it. But their loss is Taako’s gain. It’s beautiful.”

Barry stared up at it. The bottom of it expanded a few inches passed Taako’s head, and the top of the hat probably reached a foot taller than the elf did, the tip of it bending sharply down.

 “It’s very…” _Tall? Pointy? Purple?_ “You,” he finally decided.

“Thank you!” Taako smiled, pleased, then pointed at him. “You looking for Lup?”

“Yeah, actually.”

“I saw her go off with Flynn somewhere.”

“What? He was here?” Barry asked, surprised.

“Sure was,” Taako replied, already sounding mentally checked out of the conversation.

“Is he-I mean, will she um…come back?”

“Well yeah.” Taako turned and stared at him blankly. “Eventually.”

Barry decided not to wait up and head to bed instead, feeling vaguely uneasy for no particular reason.

The next morning at breakfast, Barry saw Lup walk in. Taako waggled his eyebrows at her, and Lup gave him a shove. She made a face at him, then grabbed a plate and sat down across from Barry.

“We gonna science the shit out of the Light today?” she asked.

Barry attempted to shake off the uneasy feeling in his chest. He smiled, but wasn’t sure if it looked right. “Definitely,” he managed anyway.

~

The IPRE couldn’t bank on much, but one thing they could say for certain was how much time they had. All of them knew at any given moment how many more months were left, how many days they had to get through, and if they were feeling really precise, how many minutes had to pass before the Hunger came to chase them off to a new world. The other guarantee was the seven of them. After eleven years together, they knew that they were the only permanent relationships they could have, and they knew how to work together and rely on each other.

 This of course did not mean they didn’t form connections with the creatures they met, and it made it all the more important to find the Light to save them. They found it impossible to go through life never forming relationships with new people, so they allowed themselves to do so, knowing that there was an impermanence to those relationships. No matter what the type.

Davenport had once or twice gone for tea with a very pretty gnome a few cycles ago, and had come back much bubblier than his usual serious self. Merle had been awfully popular back in the second cycle with the dwarves, Barry remembered, but no one knew any details and definitely didn’t want to ask. Barry knew that Lup had not been the first of them to find a little more than a friendship with someone from one of the different worlds. It just had never been Lup.

And nothing really changed. She was still around, and they still talked and laughed and worked together. It wasn’t like Flynn hung around them, but Barry suspected that he had no desire to be anywhere that Barry was. On occasion though, Lup would be absent, and Barry would work by himself while he tried to shake off the uncomfortable melancholy that seemed to tighten his chest. Still, he had a job to do, and he wasn’t going to sit around and mope just because Lup had a life.

“Barold, buddy, why the long face?”

At least, he tried not to.

“I’m fine, Magnus.”

Magnus sat down across from him, resting his chin in his hands as he studied him. “You sure, man?”

“Yeah, just taking a break. What are you doing here? Don’t you have work?” he asked, trying to change the subject.

“Yeah, but I’m skipping out. Got someone to cover for me.” Magnus leaned back in his seat. “I’m sort of tired of it,” he added.

“What, work?” Barry asked with a chuckle.

“Nah, this place.”

Well that made two of them. “Why’s that?”

“Everything’s like, so clean here. There’s not a spec of dirt on anyone. It’s so weird.”

That would be something that bothered Magnus, who liked working with his hands. Who didn’t need everything to be so damn pretty and perfect. “That’s fair.”

“Also if some guy looks down his nose at me one more time today I might slug him. Or challenge him to arm wrestle me.”

Barry laughed loudly. “Do you think that would work?”

Magnus put one elbow out in front of him and opened his hand toward Barry. “Do _you_ want to arm wrestle me?”

“No thank you,” Barry said, chuckling nervously. “The only possible outcome would be pretty embarrassing.”

Magnus folded his arms and leaned back in his chair again, looking slightly smug. “Yeah, I think it probably would.”

~

“It all looks good to me. I checked out the _Starblaster_ pretty thoroughly a couple times now, and we should have no problems taking off in a couple weeks when the Hunger comes.”

“You rock, Cap’n Port!” Lup cheered.

“Oh, well I’m…thank you.” Davenport averted his gaze, looking slightly embarrassed by Lup’s enthusiasm. He cleared his throat. “Anyway, continue to go about your lives for the next few weeks, and try not to do anything...life threatening.”

“Hey, I’ve stayed alive so far!” Merle argued, gesturing to himself for emphasis.

“I wasn’t calling out anyone in particular,” Davenport replied innocently.

“To be fair, Merle,” Lucretia chimed in, “you do have a bad track record.”

“And there’s still a few weeks left, so who knows what could happen,” Magnus chuckled. “Hey, do you need a bodyguard?”

“No, I don’t need a bodyguard,” Merle retorted with a pout.

“Just everyone be careful, please,” Davenport sighed, dismissing them.

Poor Merle; five deaths in eleven cycles was quite a feat. He really should be more careful.

“I think he should take Magnus up on that offer,” Lup interrupted his thoughts, sidling up to him with Taako in tow. “Sounds bad ass.”

“Yeah, it might do him some good,” Barry agreed with a chuckle. Then he sobered. “There has to be some sort of consequence to this whole dying and coming back to life business.”

Taako rested an arm on Lup’s shoulder, leaning into her. “Other than the dying part?”

“Well, I mean…maybe,” Barry said.

“I guess it’s the suffering those of us that are left behind must endure in your absence,” Taako replied dramatically. “Speaking of leaving behind, is there anyone you’ll miss in particular here, Lup?” he asked his sister teasingly.

Barry suddenly wished he was anywhere else but here being a part of this conversation, the familiar unpleasant feeling flaring up in his chest.

Lup shoved him lightly off her shoulder. “No, not really.”

“Not even a certain gentleman, Mr. What’s-His-Handsome-Face?”

She studied her fingernails nonchalantly. “You mean Flynn? Nope. Stopped hanging out with him. He did something I didn’t like.”

Taako’s face quickly morphed from playful to dangerous. “Should I go kill him?”

“Chill out, don’t go wasting a spell. He didn’t _do_ anything, he just said something about somebody I care about.” She made a fist with the hand she was studying. “But I showed him what for.”

“You punched him?” Barry blurted, slightly too loud, suddenly interested.

“A little,” she confessed. “But that’s the thing.” She turned to Barry suddenly, the intensity of her expression demanding his attention. “No one gets to say something bad about the people I care about.”

Taako whistled. “God, what a bad ass, you’re so scary.”

He was clearly joking, but Barry agreed with the sentiment wholeheartedly anyway. He’d thought it since day one, although those feelings had morphed into more of an admiration than anything else. It also helped that he knew one simple truth about his friend.

 _She’s on my side_ he thought as Lup smiled at him.

~

Barry stood outside the _Starblaster_ , watching the sky with the rest of the crew. They’d take off as soon as they spotted the Hunger. It was always anxiety inducing waiting for the dark tendrils to appear, but it made it slightly awkward that they had some doubting onlookers this time around.

“And you just happen to know that this hungry thing is going to come any moment now, is that right?” Delman asked, flanked by a few higher ups of the city.

Davenport sighed. “The Hunger, yes. As we’ve said countless times before, it’ll come. Thankfully, we have the Light and are taking it with us, so it’ll chase us down, but it might cause some problems for you here, so I do urge you to get somewhere safe. You do have time.”

“Doesn’t seem all that necessary.”

“Why are you out here, then?”

“You all look rather ridiculous,” Delman laughed. His friends followed suit.

Barry was alright with the year being up.

“Where are Lup and Taako?” asked Magnus beside him.

That was another cause to his anxiety. “Lup said she was going with Taako to his shop so that ‘he could say goodbye,’” Barry told him. At least it was only a few minutes away from the ship.

“That guy’s not right,” Magnus said.

Hard to argue with that. Barry fell silent and fell back into watching both the sky and the distance for his friends to return.

Thankfully, the latter came first, as he saw both Lup and Taako sprinting towards the ship. Lup slowed as she approached, but Taako ran right by him and through the _Starblaster_ ’s door.

He poked his head out. “I’ll be here if anyone needs me!”

Magnus shook his head. “Not right,” he repeated as he turned and headed into the ship himself. Lucretia and Merle followed suit.

Barry turned back around to find Lup standing in front of him now, hands held behind her back.

“Did Taako pay his respects?” he asked.

“Hugged every last one of those gorgeous shirts,” she replied. “He’s keeping that hat though.”

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me.”

“Me neither. Speaking of keeping, I actually got you something,” she added.

She pulled her hands from behind her back, producing a dark blue piece of folded clothing. “So I saw this suit and thought of you. I mean you wear jeans exclusively and that’s awesome, but maybe one of these days you’ll have something you desperately need a suit for, and I figured you should have one. If you need it. Or it can hang in your closet. Doesn’t matter, I just want you to—”

“Lup,” Barry interrupted quietly, stopping her rambling.

“Yeah?” she asked hesitantly.

“Thank you. It’s great. I’ll definitely find a reason to wear it someday,” he promised, feeling a little choked up for no reason.

She was quiet for a moment, then punched him in the arm, a little harder than normal. “You better. I bought it for you. Well, bought’s a strong word.”

Barry winced as he rubbed his arm. “What do you mean?”

A distant shout caught both of their attention, and they turned to see Flynn running towards them.

“I actually kind of stole it and he may have seen me do it.”

Barry laughed despite himself. “Oh my god. You should probably…”

“Yep, see ya!” She turned and ran back into the ship, carrying the suit.

Barry watched her go, then turned towards the approaching Flynn, who slowed his stride panting heavily. Davenport looked toward Barry with concern, but Barry waved him off, and the captain continued to watch the sky.

“Morning Flynn,” Barry said when the man was in hearing distance.

“Did Lup just go into that hunk of junk with a suit?” the man asked irritably, ignoring the greeting.

“I don’t know, she’s really fast,” he told him, unable to stop the smile that spread onto his face.

Flynn held a hand to his forehead, exasperated. “Whatever, I can’t be bothered with one suit. It wasn’t expensive or nice anyway, not a huge loss.”

“Sure,” Barry replied innocently. “Seemed nice though. You know, from what I saw,” he added when the man gave him a look.

Flynn continued to stare for a moment, saying nothing. Then he shook his head. “I really don’t get it.”

“Get what?”

“You. Her. Have you seen her?”

“Almost every day for eleven years. What’s your point?” Barry asked, a little irritated now.

“My point is that you and her do not make sense.”

Barry sighed, trying to be civil. “Well, it’s been just the seven of us all this time. I sort of doubt we’d be friends in any other life, but I can’t imagine anything else at this point.”

“Friends,” Flynn echoed, smiling disbelievingly.

“Yes, friends!” Barry shot back too loudly, over it. “I don’t understand your confusion.”

“No, I suppose you wouldn’t,” he laughed. “But I think I now understand yours.”

“What does—”

“Time to go, Barry!” Davenport suddenly shouted.

Barry looked down. He hadn’t noticed how the world looked desaturated until now.

“Shit, what the hell is that?” Flynn asked, panicked, looking up at the sky.

“That’s what me and my friends saved your ass from. You’re welcome,” Barry replied. He found he sincerely meant it. “You have a few minutes, so get yourself somewhere safe. Hopefully there won’t be too much damage down here,” he added, backing up.

Flynn turned and ran, as did Delman and the others, and Barry and Davenport did the same, back into the _Starblaster_. Davenport headed for the wheel.

“I’d say buckle up, but it doesn’t matter that much!” Davenport called back to them. “Just hold on to something!”

Barry grabbed the bar next to the window and closed his eyes, breathing deeply and trusting that their captain would fly them safely out like always.

“Do I need to go back down there and kick his ass?”

Barry opened his eyes to see Lup in front of him. He smiled at her, the mounting fear he felt dissipating a little. She looked actually willing to do it.

“No, I don’t think he deserves that and the Hunger.”

“He’ll be fine,” she said.

“I think so.”

They both fell silent, concentrating on not being thrown around by Davenport’s maneuvers. The anxiety and fear gripped his heart once more, so he turned to Lup again.

“Lup.”

“Yeah?”

He breathed in deeply, steadying himself. “Thanks for the suit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bunch of nerds...


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still reading this, know that I love and appreciate you!

Hypothetically speaking, it could have been anyone.

There wasn’t necessarily a reason that the IPRE consisted of the team that it did. Sure, each of them had a skillset that was deemed useful to the mission and was granted a spot on the _Starblaster_ because of it, but odds are that there were others with the same gifts that could have replaced any of them just as easily. Sadly, those theoretical people hadn’t been aboard and had been lost to the Hunger a long time ago, but what if they hadn’t? What would they have been like? What would they have brought to the table? Would things be different now because of them?

“Has anyone ever told you that you think too much?”

Barry turned away from the window to look at Taako. The elf nonchalantly tossed a compass from one hand to another, looking particularly disinterested in Barry’s ramblings. That wasn’t really surprising though; he never looked all that interested in the topics Barry chose to talk about. Or in a lot of other things. But that was honestly just how it was with Taako, and he chose not to take it to heart.

“Well yeah. You have,” he replied wryly. He watched the compass land in Taako’s right hand and immediately launch into the air again. “A lot. Pretty sure you said it yesterday.”

“Did I?” Taako paused, catching the object once more as it fell. “Don’t recall.”

“What don’t you recall?” asked Lup, coming up behind them.

“Why it is that we’re up this early,” Taako whined, tossing the compass over to her.

She caught it easily and then immediately tossed it in the air again, a move Barry didn’t have the hand-eye coordination for. _Cool_. He stopped himself from saying so out loud, but Lup looked over at him anyway and winked. He felt his face heat up and looked away in an effort to hide it. Embarrassingly, he now couldn’t remember what his response to Taako was going to be.

Fortunately, Lup was never at a loss for words. “It’s like, well passed mid-morning, you goofball. And recon adventures are much better with plenty of daylight ahead of us!”

She was right. So far, cycle 15 had been quiet and pretty non-threatening. They hadn’t met anyone in the few days they’d been here and various tests had proved resources safe to consume, but it was always expected that missions away from the _Starblaster_ be done in groups when getting the lay of the land. Especially when there were no locals around to help them out.

“That’s so much adventuring time,” Taako complained again.

“Well, you don’t have to come. We could always just ask Magnus,” Barry told him.

“Nah, he’s coming,” Lup chimed in, excited.

“I’m coming,” Taako echoed. “I’m bored.”

A familiar excuse, as it was his reasoning for doing most things. “That’s fair,” he said, trying not to laugh. “We ready to head out?”

“Hell yeah!” Lup exclaimed, pumping her fist in the air. “Get psyched, Taako!”

“Yeah, yeah.”

~

Really, it could have been any of them.

Barry stood hunched over, hands resting on his knees, trying to catch his breath. The adrenaline was wearing off, leaving a familiar sinking feeling that always followed when this happened. It hurt, it was heartbreaking, every single time and no matter who it was, but there was an accompanying guilt this time around. They weren’t paying attention. _He_ wasn’t paying attention. If he had been, he might have seen something, heard something, and he could have reacted. And then she wouldn’t be…

“Shit,” he whispered to himself as he stood upright again, surveying the area. Wooden spears and other weapons he’d never seen before laid sprawled next to maybe a dozen fallen humanoids. He’d thought there had been more, but who could really tell when you’re being ambushed? It was only obvious they’d been outnumbered. But magic missiles and fireballs will win out against someone with a wooden stick every time.

He tried not to focus on the smoky patches that the spells left behind, not really wanting to see the damage they’d inflicted, necessary though it was. Instead he looked over at Taako, not too far off, holding something in his hands. He approached quietly, not knowing what to say. What do you say?

Without looking at him, Taako held out the long wooden stick, and Barry took it and turned it over, inspecting.

“That’s how they got her,” Taako said flatly, still not looking at him. “Blow dart gun.”

“Yeah, I…I guess it was poisoned. She got a few good fireballs in before she…before.”

“Yeah. Before.”

Barry shivered; this place was starting to creep him out. They needed to leave and head back to the ship. There were probably more of them nearby, and he didn’t think he could handle another round. But he wasn’t sure how to voice those concerns. Nor was he feeling brave enough to try.

He glanced out of the corner of his eye at Taako, who stared off into the distance at seemingly nothing. Motionless. He had a hard time reading Taako at the best of times, and this was certainly not that. What was he supposed to do?

Indecision kept him silent, and after a few moments, the stillness felt like a palpable weight on his shoulders, oppressive and heavy. It combined with the feeling of loss in his heart, threatening to crush him, and he opened his mouth to speak, say anything, to find some relief, when Taako beat him to it.

“Let’s go.”  


~

As was habit when they lost someone, they had a memorial on the _Starblaster_ that evening, which mostly consisted of quietly drowning their sorrows with whatever drink was strongest, which was currently something they’d picked up from last cycle that smelled like it couldn’t possibly taste good. Barry took a swig and immediately regretted it as it burned the whole way down. He coughed violently, and Magnus wacked him on the back, which only served to knock the wind out of him. He gave him a thumbs up anyway, and Magnus, satisfied that he’d helped, gave a small smile in return.

Merle waddled over to stand on the other side of Magnus and took a long pull from his own drink. “It’s weird being here for this,” he said quietly over the top of his glass. He peaked up at Magnus. “They’re normally for me.”

Right. Merle was clearly on a mission to die in the most creative ways possible, and he’d definitely succeeded in more than half the cycles they’d been through. But he’d never been killed by anyone. Not like Lup. Eyes watery, Barry peered down into his own glass.

She’d been fine. They’d been walking for a while, keeping track of their directions with the compass, talking and laughing about Magnus’s embarrassment from last cycle. How was he supposed to know that fist bumps meant something totally different to the folks of that world? He’d sure taken a hell of a long time to figure it out!

Barry remembered that Lup had turned around to tell him something, but couldn’t remember what because all he could remember was being distracted by her smile and the way the light peering from the trees made her hair look. But that moment was short lived, as the smile was replaced by a grimace of pain as her hand flew to the back of her neck and they all turned towards the sound of shouts coming from the trees beyond them.

“Sorry we lost you so early, Lup,” Davenport’s voice pulled Barry from his memories. The captain raised his glass, “We’ll miss you. Taako, are you…do you want to say anything?” he asked hesistantly, looking over at the elf.

They all turned and looked at Taako, who stood stone faced, holding a bottle that still looked full. His expression didn’t change, and like back in the forest before, his gaze fixated on nothing in particular, looking passed all of them.

“See you next cycle.”

And with that, he turned and headed up the stairs towards the deck of the ship.

Taako. Barry had been wallowing in his own sorrow, but he couldn’t fathom how Taako must be feeling. What could he possibly say to him? Was there anything he could do? The rest of them stood awkwardly in place, just as unsure. Barry put his glass down and with no plan in mind, headed in the direction the elf had gone.

Taako stood looking over the rails, making no move to acknowledge him as Barry came to stand quietly beside him. Not knowing how to break the silence, Barry simply stood and observed the world they currently lived, taking it all in. It didn’t seem like much here in the dark, but smoke out over the horizon made him think that maybe there was a fire somewhere miles away. Maybe it was made by the same group that the attackers from earlier had come from. The thought scared him a little.

“She wanted to practice magic this cycle.”

Barry cut his eyes over to Taako, not wanting to focus his attention too much and spook him out of talking. Maybe he just needed someone to listen. “Yeah?”

“Kept going on about it. ‘We gotta get better, Taako. Soon I’ll cast a fireball as big as your head, Taako.’ Show off.”

Barry allowed himself a small chuckle. Lup’s magic was impressive already, as it should be with all the time she spent on it. A number of cycles concentrated on hardly anything else. “With or without the hat on?”

“You don’t have to do this,” Taako mumbled.

“Do what?” Barry asked, turning towards him.

“Get me to talk. Cheer me up. Whatever it is you’re trying to do.”

“I’m not trying to do anything specifically. I just don’t want you to feel alone, bud. This sucks. It always sucks, but you—”

“This sucks?” Taako interjected heatedly.

Oh shit. “No, no, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that it’s an awful feeling and it’s not like you can really describe-”

Taako finally turned to look at him, eyes flashing with anger. “You don’t know what it feels like,” he spat out, angry but controlled. “You can’t. It’s different.”

He wasn’t wrong of course; Lup was probably his best friend, but there was no way he could possibly compare that to the relationship between the twins. He would never even try.

With Taako’s glare burning through him and making him too nervous to explain himself, he held his hands up in surrender instead. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to imply that I did. I only meant to come up and tell you that you aren’t alone, we’re all here, and if there’s anything I can do-”

“You can leave me the fuck alone, how about that?”

Oh god, he majorly screwed this up. But he couldn’t think of a way to fix it, not now with Taako this upset. Maybe he’d try again later, when the hurt wasn’t so fresh. He took a step backwards, hands still up, trying to diffuse the situation. “Yeah, fine, that’s…yeah. Sorry, Taako, I was just…sorry.”

He heard him mumble something unintelligible as he turned and headed back the way he came, feeling guilty and defeated.

~

The moonlight that shone from the small window in his room gave him a little visibility as he sat up in bed. He ran a hand through his hair, mind still foggy from sleep and trying to conjure back the pictures from the dream he’d been having, most of the details fuzzy now save for a familiar laugh and a bright smile aimed in his direction. The thought that he should just lay back down and find that smile again was chased away by another knock on the door that woke him up in the first place. Barry stumbled out of bed and clumsily opened the door to find Taako standing there, his IPRE robe draped around him.

“Taako? What are you doing here?” he asked, rubbing his eyes and stifling a yawn. “What time is it?”

“I figured out what you can do to help me.”

Now he was awake. “Definitely, yeah, name it.”

“You can help me take out the rest of those assholes who attacked us.”

Awake and not at all ready for this. “What, you mean now?” he asked, gesturing to the warm robe.

“Good a time as any.”

He couldn’t risk a repeat of the scene from earlier, so he hesitated, choosing his words carefully. “Taako, are you sure about this? Do we really want to just go and take them all out?”

“Look, Barry, they did the same to Lup,” Taako replied, a hint of anger in his voice, but this time not at him. “And they didn’t seem all that willing to chat earlier, so my guess is that we’d face them again sooner or later. We’re making it sooner.”

That was reasonable. Still though, the middle of the night didn’t seem like the best time for this to happen. They didn’t even really know where to find them, how many there were, or whether they had better weapons than they’d brought that afternoon.

At Barry’s indecision, Taako sighed. “The way I see it, there’s two options. Either you come and help me end this right now and we probably both make it back in one piece. Or,” he continued darkly, his eyes dangerous. “I go alone and face them myself. And more than likely, I don’t come back.”

The underlying message was clear: Taako needed to go, but he also needed someone to drag him back. Barry studied him a moment. His determination was obvious; he would go whether Barry came or not. And because Barry couldn’t let his friend go off on a suicide mission, he couldn’t pick any other answer.

“Option one it is.”

~

This cycle was dragging.

It probably had something to do with the fact that they’d already found the Light. They actually found it at the camp that he and Taako infiltrated a few months back, so that was a mission he couldn’t spend his time on. Obviously, he studied it when he could, but even that task could become tedious after a while. Especially when you were doing it by yourself. Normally, he had help. But that help wasn’t here now.

He didn’t really realize how much time he spent with Lup until she was gone, how many hours and days consisted of working alongside her, chatting about nothing in particular. Clearly it was a lot, and without her, the days passed slowly and his work was boring. More often than not, distracted by his own thoughts, he stared at the Light for long periods of time, making no headway at all. She’d probably make fun of him, if she knew. _You gonna science this shit or not, Science Man? Hop to it_.

“Barry, are you alright?”

He turned to find Lucretia standing there, looking mildly concerned. He suddenly became aware of the fact that he’d been unconsciously carding his fingers through his own hair for who knows how long, and self consciously dropped his hand back down to his lap. “Um, yeah, why do you ask?”

“It’s just that you haven’t moved in quite a while, and I thought maybe the Light had you hypnotized or something.”

So far that hadn’t been a symptom of spending time with it, thought there were occasions when one of them would get a strong need to hold it, to possess it. But then they’d put it up and out of sight. “Nope, nothing like that. Just…thinking I guess.”

“Thinking,” Lucretia repeated, then she smiled. “But not about the thing you’ve been staring at for ten minutes.”

“Right,” Barry replied sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Perhaps you should take a break?”

“Probably.”

“And if you don’t have anything specific to do…”

Barry chuckled. “What can I do for you?”

She smiled widely again and excitedly flipped open her notebook and stopped on a certain page. “You mentioned a few days ago that you’d been studying a certain plant in your spare time?”

He had been, only because it looked similar to one from home that had healing properties and he thought they could use it. But it turned out that it was similar in looks only. “I did, yes,” he told her, unsure why she was asking.

“Do you think you could find more?”

“I mean, yes,” he said, scratching his head. “But they’re basically useless.”

“Functionally, maybe,” she replied shyly.

So she just liked the aesthetic. He couldn’t help but smile. Who was he to deprive their Lucretia of something nice? “I can get you some,” he promised.

She thanked him sincerely and he went on his way. The plants weren’t that hard to find, just a few miles deep into the woods. He studied them a moment; funny how something simple to him held more meaning for Lucretia. But looking at them now, he could see their appeal.

As he gathered as many as he could and turned to go back, a flash of light through the trees caught his attention. He hesitated, unsure if investigating on his own was a wise idea, but then headed in that direction when he saw another flash, curiosity moving him forward.

Fortunately, there was nothing to fear, as he spotted Taako in a clearing as he approached. He saw him move his lips and then produce a spell that shot away from him, briefly illuminating the area. After a moment, he reached up and adjusted his hat.

“If you ‘re gonna bring a guy flowers,” he said, startling Barry, “you don’t just stand there and peep on his magic skills.”

Barry looked down at the flowers he forgot he was holding, feeling only a little embarrassed to have been called out. “Well, maybe you do if you think they’re not his style,” Barry joked as he came closer.

Taako smirked. “And what’s my style?” he asked, gripping the front of his hat.

“Uh…unique?”

“I was looking for fabulous, but I’ll accept that.”

“Alright,” Barry chuckled, then they both fell uncomfortably silent.

They hadn’t actually spoken much since that night a few months ago. When the deed was done and they’d returned to the ship as the sun was just beginning to rise, Barry had tried to communicate once more just how sorry he was, both for the day’s events and their misunderstanding, but Taako had stopped him short.

“Barry, just…thank you.”

And he’d immediately ducked inside his room straight after. It wasn’t much, but Barry had felt that there was more communicated in those few words than he personally could have spoken aloud, so he climbed back into his own bed and tried to forget that the whole day had ever happened.

He could say now that things were normal, but that wasn’t really the case. Taako wasn’t really himself, not that Barry could blame him at all; he, too, missed Lup immensely every day. But Taako was also, more often than not, alone. Barry was sure that it wasn’t because he preferred to be.

“So,” he began awkwardly, breaking the silence. “What are you doing out here?”

Taako made a face and held his hand up, producing a small flame in his palm. “Magic,” he replied slowly. The “duh” was implied.

“Well, obviously, but why are you all the way out here I mean?”

“It’s quiet,” Taako replied, as the flame in his hand extinguished.

“Do you…need it to be?” Barry asked hesitantly.

Taako rolled his eyes. “It’s not like I own the place. Set up a tent, make yourself at home.” He turned away and held his hand out again, producing another flame.

Barry smiled to himself; he’d take that as an invitation. He sidled up next to him and bent down to drop the plants gently on the ground.

“Damn, don’t ruin my flowers,” Taako grumbled, casting the flame across the field.

~

The Light was giving him nothing.

Probably because he wasn’t trying all that hard. Maybe he should feel bad about that, but at least he had the damn thing and the Hunger wouldn’t get to consume a whole other world in about 6 months.

Barry sighed. What did it even want with this thing? Maybe he could figure that out if he could just fucking—

“You should really ask it out to dinner instead of staring at it like that,” Taako quipped as he sat down across from him, making him jump.

Barry rubbed his eyes; he had been staring a little too hard. “I don’t think that would help anything, honestly.”

“Well, what’s the game plan, here?” Taako asked, sounding vaguely interested.

“Taako, why are you here?” Barry asked, head cocked in confusion.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you owned this table.” He crossed his arms and looked away. “My bad.”

“No, no, it’s fine!” Barry assured him hurriedly. “Stay. I just meant…what are you doing? Do you need something?”

“Must I need something?”

“No?”

Taako sighed dramatically. “Do you always give Lup this much trouble when she helps you?”

Wait. Taako wanted to help? “You want to help?”

“Is that so out of the realm of possibility?” He finally turned to look at him again, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table. “I probably can’t do much, but you don’t look like you are either, so I don’t think I’ll do that much damage.”

Barry laughed. “Fair enough. But I would like to actually accomplish something.”

“Better get started then.”

For the first time in a while, Barry felt motivated to try.

~

Off.

If asked to sum up the cycle in a word, that’s the one Barry would have chosen. He couldn’t necessarily categorize it as “bad”; they’d definitely had way worse. But it definitely wasn’t good, either. It never was when they lost someone. That combined with no scientific progress on his part in a world in which the only people they’d met were hostiles made everything seem…off. He’d count his blessings though; off was better than bad. And at least he was still alive with his team. Minus Lup.

And Merle.

“Why is his handwriting so damn terrible?” Taako grumbled, holding wrinkled sheets of paper in each hand.

“Whatever happened to respecting the dead?” Barry asked him, squinting at another page in front of him.

Taako tossed the papers on the table. “We respected him yesterday. Today, I’m stuck trying to decipher the oh-so-secret notes he kept all year long, just in case they might be _useful_ or _important_. But from what I can make out, it’s probably just a diary, and I don’t want to know Merle’s private thoughts on a day to day basis, thanks very much.”

“I don’t know about all that,” Barry replied as he continued studying his page.

“All he had to do was not kick the bucket for another month.”

Distracted, Barry hummed in response, and Taako fell silent. Barry didn’t really think Merle’s pages held any great secrets, but this felt like deciphering a code, and that felt intellectually stimulating on some level. Or at least a way to pass the time.

“I’m so over losing people.”

Barry did look up at that. Taako stared off to the side, not looking particularly upset, just…deflated. Which was never how Taako was meant to look.

“I definitely hear that,” he replied, hoping Taako would continue.

“I mean they always come back, so I guess it’s whatever.”

“Of course not. It’s hard continuously losing people you care about.”

Taako turned to face him. “Well, in a month this round will be behind us, and they’ll be back.”

“Lup will be back,” Barry encouraged, the thought filling him with a warm affection.

“Right,” Taako nodded. And suddenly, the deflated look was gone. “Then I can finally retire my lab coat.”

Well, the vulnerability was nice for the second that it lasted.

~

Darkness sucked.

The welcoming light of the _Starblaster_ was a hell of a lot better, even if it did come at the price of being pretty disorientingly pulled back to that same familiar spot for the sixteenth time now. But hey, still way better than endless stretches of darkness.

 Another pull and there was darkness again, but only because it was hard to see when you’re face is smooshed against your brother’s IPRE robe.

“Hey Taako? You’re kinda smothering me,” Lup informed him, muffled.

“Don’t fucking die and I won’t have to smother you,” Taako replied quietly, loud enough for only her to hear.

“That makes no sense, but fine!”

Taako gave her one last airway-blocking squeeze before releasing her, and Lup stepped back to take in a lungful of air.

“A little smelly,” she said, making a face at him.

“Nice try, like I wouldn’t walk onto a ship the first day of a mission smelling like a dream.”

“Right, what the hell was I thinking?”

“Glad to have you back again, Lup, Merle,” Davenport called from the front.

“Aw damn, Merle!” Lup exclaimed, turning to face the dwarf. “Not again.”

“Excuse me if I didn’t know that I was allergic to a berry.”

“I told you not to eat it. Twice.”

“Twice?” Lup asked with a laugh, looking at Barry.

He nodded, then gave her a small wave. “Hey, Lup.”

That nerd. She felt the familiar fondness and smiled as she reached over to pat the top of his head affectionately. “What’s up, Barry? Do anything genius without me?”

“Hardly,” he told her, ignoring his messy hair to push up his glasses. “Pretty slow going, actually.”

“He was borderline useless,” Taako chimed in. “Even with my help.”

“Your what now?”

“You heard me,” Taako said. “I helped.”

“No way.” Lup looked to Barry for confirmation.

“He was there,” Barry told her, giving Taako the side-eye.

“Damn right I was. Otherwise you would have sat around and moped all year.”

Barry looked embarrassed. “I wasn’t moping,” he mumbled.

Taako turned to look at her. “He was moping.”

Lup laughed. Taako was probably being over dramatic, but she was sure that if Taako had been there for Barry, then the reverse was also true. Of course Barry would, and she was so grateful for that. Taako did make it through the year in one piece, after all.

She’d try to think of a way to thank him later. There were probably bigger things to focus on for now, like trying to figure out how survivable this new world they’d be nosediving into any minute would be.

Which really, she was cool with.

“No need to mope, Barry, I’ll always come back,” Lup said with a wink.

She was always down for anything as long as she was with her favorite people. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been so excited to get to Lup! And even more excited for the chapter after this, which takes place in a relatively important cycle...  
> Hopefully I'll have that out soon!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be the first to admit that I had a hard time picturing cycle 17's world layout, but that didn't stop me from trying to describe it lol. Maybe I'll fix it later?   
> Either way, hope you enjoy!

She hadn’t seen Barry all day.

It wasn’t that Lup was worried about him; there were plenty of days that their paths just didn’t cross for whatever reason. Today she had been out scavenging and looting the ruined areas of the city with Taako while Barry did... whatever he did when she wasn’t around. Probably sciencing the shit out of something. It was his job after all, and while she definitely got a kick out of working with him, he obviously wasn’t going to stop just because she wasn’t helping him out.  

But on those days, she missed him.

Well, there was really no reason to sit around missing him if she could just do something about it. She hopped up from her spot at the _Starblaster’s_ cafeteria table and looked down at the hunched over blob that resembled her brother. Running around scavenging took a lot of out the guy. She poked his arm.

“I’m going for a walk.”

Taako gave some sort of muffled garbled response, and she got nothing intelligible out of it except for “effort”.

She gave him a smile he couldn’t see and a pat on the back. “I’m not asking you to go, I’m just telling you.”

A noise that sounded like a question. She was feeling restless now for some reason. “Just gonna go talk to Barry.”

Taako moved and turned his head, peeking up at her. After a moment, he shifted back, hiding his face once more. Another mumble.

“Love you too,” she laughed, sing song, as she turned and left the room.

Now to find that nerd.

He probably wasn’t that far. They’d given up on finding the Light here months ago, and after seventeen years of knowing him, she knew he didn’t tend to stray too far from the ship if he wasn’t looking for it. And if he did, he’d take someone else. Normally her. At this point, it just made sense.

Paying no attention as she headed for the _Starblaster’s_ exit, she rounded the corner and bumped straight into Merle, knocking him over. At least Lucretia was there to catch him.

“Shit, I’m sorry Merle!” Lup exclaimed, reaching out to offer him a hand.

He took it. “Geez, where’s the fire?” he asked, rubbing his head a little.

“No fires,” she promised, still apologetic. “I was just thinking. Speaking of, have either of you seen Barry around here?”

Lucretia shook her head. “I’m pretty sure he’s still out working. Merle and I have been just outside the _Starblaster_ for a while now, so we would have seen him.” She held up a light blue journal for Lup to see, excitement evident. “We’ve been going over some of the stories that the robots have told us about this world and their history, it’s really fascinating.”

“I bet it’s kick ass, Lucretia dear, and I want to hear all about it soon.” Lup smiled. “Right now, I’m off to find our science man.”

“Try not to run over any bots while you’re at it,” Merle quipped.

“I’ll do my best,” she promised.

As she continued on her way, Lup smiled to herself. She was grateful for the friendship she had with Barry. No doubt, she’d definitely say the same about everyone else in the IPRE; they were all pretty rad in their own ways. But it had taken a hell of a lot longer to get to any sort of relationship beyond formal colleagues with Barry than it had with some of the others, which sort of made sense. Barry kept to himself a lot, especially in the first few years of their journey.

Actually, that wasn’t really fair or accurate; Barry was always there. Lup often watched and she could tell that he was always engaged with what was happening around him, it was more like he kept his thoughts to himself. He didn’t always speak up, even if he had something to say. Understandable; there were people much louder than him who did a fair share of talking. Herself included, she could admit. That was no one’s fault.

She could also admit, however, that the teasing probably contributed to his reserved nature, and she could take some responsibility for that one. While she never meant to be cruel, she loved to tease, and she sure did a shit ton of that to Barry. As did everyone else, but she didn’t think anyone got such a kick out of the way he blushed and stumbled over his replies like she did. It was sort of adorable, she thought, but probably not from his perspective. She had, after all, called him a nerd that first day at the IPRE conference all those years ago. A little over the top and definitely unnecessary, and looking back, probably influenced how he seemed to tip toe around his words when she was nearby. Unfortunate, but she definitely tried to make up for it, which only made him blush and stammer more, which encouraged her, and on and on the pattern went.

The turning point, as far as she could tell, was back when she found him crying during that fucking awful fifth cycle. She definitely didn’t think less of the guy for having a breakdown (hell, if she didn’t have Taako around, she might have had one herself), but it completely broke her heart to see him that way. She was glad she was there, though, and happier still that he trusted her enough to let her be.

That night changed something about their relationship, and it was definitely for the better. Lup still teased and Barry still turned the color of his IPRE robe, but it didn’t feel uncomfortable anymore. It felt good-natured, even if Barry still had moments when he didn’t say much of anything back. That was just Barry, and she could appreciate that. But for all the moments he was silent, there were just as many where he wasn’t. As it turned out, Barry liked to talk when given the chance, especially if the subject was science related. He knew a lot of shit, and what he didn’t know, he was eager to find out. His enthusiasm rubbed off on her, and she quickly got involved in hypothesizing and running tests and hypothesizing some more. The two of them learned about whole societies that way, and figured out the Hunger’s deal, too. Who knew being a science nerd was so cool?

They didn’t just talk science though; they talked about everything else too. As a good science nerd, he knew how to ask questions, and Lup was more than willing to give answers. She liked telling him about her life, and she also liked learning about his. They talked about the worlds they’d been in, the people they’d met, the days they’d had. Maybe it wasn’t exactly special, but she treasured his friendship nonetheless.

“Hey Lup!”

Lup looked up to find Magnus coming towards her. “Magnus, my dude! What’s up?”

Magnus stopped in front of her. “Just headed back to the _Starblaster_ to eat. Was down a tier finishing up that robot arm for the ship,” he told her, pointing his thumb over his shoulder back towards the way he came. “Barry’s still down there, I think.”

“Awesome, that’s who I was looking for!”

“Well then you’re in luck. I’ll see you in a bit.” He held his hand up over his head.

She held hers up as well and jumped a bit to reach his, making a satisfying smack. “See ya!”

Magnus chuckled, then continued to trek back up to the ship as Lup headed down.

After seventeen years, the IPRE were more than just her fellow crew members. The seven of them were the only constants in this crazy life they led, and Lup considered them to be more her friends than her colleagues. She would go so far as to say that she loved and cared about all of them, which she never thought would be the case when she and Taako signed themselves up for this whole adventure. It had never been all that difficult for her to fit in with other people back in their home world though, so the fact that she got along so well with the five other people in the ship she wasn’t related to didn’t necessarily surprise her. Like she said, they were all rad.

It was just somehow different with Barry. She liked the moments he was quiet just as much as the moments he wasn’t. She liked his capacity to care about literally every living soul he came across. She liked the work they did together, tiring though it was at times. There was just…something about Barry.

Something.

Well, who really cared what it was? Analysis was for nerdy stuff, not friendships.

Now down a tier, Lup stopped and surveyed the area. Most of the buildings here were still standing, but they were showing signs of decay. Vines crawled in and around them and some of them looked to be crumbling in places. Everything was still. It was kind of cool, honestly, and made scavenging with Taako feel like some kind of adventure. But that wasn’t her mission at the moment.

Barry probably wasn’t far. She hesitated a brief moment before heading towards the left side of the dilapidated town, not knowing if she was going the right direction but feeling drawn towards it anyway. She walked for a few minutes passed rows of houses, being careful not to trip over debris, when she suddenly heard a familiar voice not too far off.

 _Score_. Giving herself a mental high five, she walked past another building and into what looked like an old marketplace. Shops were arranged in a wide circle, giving plenty of room for past inhabitants to mingle, and a non-functioning fountain in the middle. And sitting on that fountain’s edge, next to an unfamiliar-looking robot, was Barry.

Lup didn’t remember feeling tense before, but she let out a breath and felt herself relax upon seeing him. She felt kind of silly about it, but shook off the feeling as she neared, listening to Barry as he talked at the robot.

“Look, you aren’t being all that helpful,” he chastised, gesticulating with what appeared to be a screwdriver in his hand. “And if I’m out here trying my best despite having no clue how to fix this issue, then the least you could do is just, you know, not do that.”

“What are they doing?” Lup interjected by way of announcing herself.

Barry turned quickly towards her, only slightly startled, and smiled as he pushed his glasses back up. “Oh, hey Lup. I’m trying to fix them, a hinge in their gears is loose, but every time I start making progress, they keep—Shit!” Barry jolted, pulling his hand away. “Shocking me!” He turned toward the robot. “Stop that.”

Lup raised a hand to her mouth, trying to hide her amusement. “Maybe they aren’t doing it on purpose?”

“Well, they’re getting an awful lot of entertainment out of it for that to be the case.”

The robot did, in fact, look pleased with itself, as much as a robot could look. The screen displaying the eyes look squinted in delight, and it made continuous beeping sounds that sounded like it might be laughing.

“Give up, maybe?” she suggested.

“I’m about to,” Barry replied, looking pointedly at the robot, who stopped beeping immediately. He sighed, and stuck the screwdriver back in.

Lup stifled another chuckle, and knelt down on the other side of the robot.

“So, what brings you here?” Barry asked without looking up, concentrating on his task.

Lup hesitated, suddenly self-conscious for no real reason. She didn’t really have a need to be here beyond seeing Barry, but admitting that sounded stupid. Thankfully, she suddenly remembered something else she wanted to tell him.

“Taako and I found this sort of weird energy back down at the lowest tier we can get to while we were out scavenging today. So we asked the bots about it and apparently, it’s coming from this place called Underton.”

“Oh yeah?” Barry asked, interested.

“Yeah, and we talked to Davenport about it, and he said that we should probably make our way down there and figure out what it is. Maybe we can take it with us, so that whatever it is doesn’t get swallowed up by the Hunger when it comes next week. No clue what it is or what it does, but definitely don’t want the Hunger to have it.”

Barry nodded. “I definitely agree with that. But you said it was passed the lowest tier that isn’t covered with water, right?”

“Right.”

“So…how would we get to it?” Barry asked nervously.

“Swimming down to it, I guess,” Lup laughed. “Taako was talking about using the Water Breathing spell, so apparently, we’re all gonna sprout gills and swim down there!”

Barry didn’t laugh with her. “Maybe someone should stay with the _Starblaster_?” he asked.

She laughed again. “I don’t think that’s really necessary. Besides, who’d want to stay behind from that awesome field trip?”

He looked up at her then back down quickly. “I mean, I will.”

“Aw, really? But why?” Lup pouted, disappointed.

“It’s just that I don’t—I mean, I just think someone should stay in case there’s a problem, you know?” Barry stuttered out. “Someone has to pilot the ship out of here.”

“I mean, I guess,” Lup said, cocking her head to the side. “As long as you’re sure you’re fine with staying.”

“Mhm, yeah, definitely,” he replied, sounding suspiciously nonchalant.

Lup wasn’t sure what that was about, but decided not to press the issue. It probably was a good idea for someone to stay behind anyway.

Barry jolted again, dropping the screwdriver on the ground. “What the hell?!”

The robot beeped in laughter again. Lup snorted, and then covered her mouth when Barry looked at her.

“You’re just as bad as they are, you know.”

“Hey, I didn’t shock you,” she replied innocently.

He picked up the screwdriver again and pointed it at the robot. “Last warning, my friend. I’ll just leave you to deal with your problem by yourself if you do it again, alright?”

The robot let out a quick beep and then fell silent, and Barry sighed and went to work once more. The three of them sat in silence, the only sounds coming from Barry’s work.

Lup broke the silence after a moment. “Oh, so while Taako and I were out, guess what I found?”

“What did you find?” Barry asked with amusement.

“Another gun. It was sick as hell.”

Barry chuckled. “Was it, now?”

“Hell yeah! Added it to the collection, obviously.”

“Of course. Never know when things like that might come in h—holy shit! Damn it!” Barry threw his hands up in the air as the robot beeped loudly. “Hey, this isn’t funny!”

Contrary to his words, the robot continued its noisy beeping, and Lup was unable to help herself this time. She leaned backwards and laughed louder than the robot, so hard her sides hurt.

“Actually, Barry,” she howled between laughs. “It sort of is!”

After a moment, Barry laughed, as well. “Maybe a little.”

Lup wiped a tear from her cheek, trying to steady herself. “Are you alright?” she asked, slightly apologetic.

“Truthfully, nothing really hurt but my pride.”

“I think you gave that up when you gave them a third chance.”

This time, Barry was the one to laugh hysterically. “That’s probably right!” he cackled.

She watched as Barry, red faced, pushed his glasses up once more as he laughed. A normal habit, but her heart suddenly skipped a beat, and Lup stopped laughing immediately, stopped moving altogether. The gesture, familiar though it was, made her feel something completely unfamiliar.

No, not entirely unfamiliar. She recognized the hitch in her breath, the quickening of her heart, as something that probably happened before, a lifetime ago. But here, now, as she sat watching Barry completely lose his shit, she could hardly concentrate on anything else but the overly warm, fuzzy feeling that she could feel quickly spreading outwards from her chest.

Holy shit.

Barry got a hold of himself and looked over at her, and then suddenly seemed concerned. “Lup? Are you okay?”

She had no idea what her face looked like, but she quickly tried to fix her expression to something normal, so that maybe he’d stop looking at her long enough for the fire she hoped wasn’t entirely evident on her face to die down. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” she lied. “Super fine.”

She didn’t think she sounded entirely convincing, but the answer seemed to satisfy him anyway. He looked up at the sky. “It’s getting dark, I think we should probably head back.” He looked down at the robot. “You can come and see if some other brave soul will fix you.”

The robot beeped happily, and the three set off in silence, comfortable for all except Lup.

She was quiet, but she felt like each step she took screamed that something was different, that something had changed, but that was stupid. With the fire gone from her face, surely none of the feelings she was currently being bombarded with were obvious to anyone but herself. She was sure she needed to keep it that way.

Barry was her friend, her science buddy. Her colleague.

Who she might be in love with.

And she didn’t know what the fuck to do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, what do you do? Pine???  
> Yes.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adding "mutual pining" to the tags of a fic should be in one of those "oddly satisfying" videos you see on youtube.

In hindsight, she may have been a bit dramatic.

That wasn’t how Lup would generally describe herself; she could think of plenty of other things that fit her way better. Outspoken? Maybe, in a cool way. Outgoing? Absolutely. Confident? Hell yeah. Awesome? Always.

Hardly ever dramatic; that was Taako’s thing. But still, she could be. Occasionally.

About…some things.

Like that whole thing about being in love with Barry Bluejeans?

Dramatic as hell.

Beads of sweat slid down her forehead as she raced forward, occasionally kicking up loose dirt behind her as she ran. Panting, she reached up to wipe some of the sweat away, despite knowing how useless the effort was. Running around a hot desert in the afternoon heat wasn’t really a dry activity, nor was it a smart one. But sometimes you just gotta run your frustrations away.

Frustrated. That’s what she was.

Because okay, sure, she had feelings for Barry. Clearly. But was she in love with him? Of course not! That was ridiculous. That was crazy. That was…

Dramatic.

It was just a crush or something. No big deal. Nothing earth shattering, nothing life altering, nothing to freak the fuck out over. Just a crush. She’d had crushes before, she could deal with it. Except she didn’t really know how, not in this case. She knew how she would normally do it: get it out of her system. Make a move, act on it, get over it and get out. But she couldn’t exactly do that now, could she?

She worked with Barry. Every day. And not only that, but she would as long as the cycles continued. And it wasn’t like anyone knew how to stop them, so she was looking at forever, here. So if she did try and get it out of her system, there would be no escaping any resulting awkwardness for the rest of eternity.

There was also the fact that Barry wasn’t just some dude she had a crush on. He was her friend. Arguably her best friend, aside from Taako. She couldn’t imagine any sort of life without him at this point, and definitely didn’t want to try. And she absolutely didn’t want to mess anything up between them, either by acting impulsively or by treating him any differently. He wouldn’t want that either. Neither of them ever came right out and said so, but she knew that she was just as important to him as he was to her. Not in the same way, of course. Barry didn’t think of her as anything but a friend.

Which was fine, she was cool with that. Totally cool. At some point, this whole crush thing would go away, and everything would be back to normal.

Admittedly, things were a little less than that now. In the few months since they’d escaped from Jaden-Province and found themselves in this desert town, Lup hadn’t exactly been spending as much time with Barry. She wasn’t really avoiding him, definitely not, they saw each other every day. No, it was just that the amount of quality Lup and Barry time was often cut short by the fact that she kept getting…distracted. By him.

For as long as she could remember, Lup had thought Barry was more than a little cute. Big, goofy science nerd with an insatiable quest for information who blushed and stammered his way through most conversations? Come on, who wouldn’t find him adorable? She definitely did, and she was pretty open about thinking so.

And now? She still thought so. But she didn’t just think he was cute. She thought he was _cute_. Barry fucking Bluejeans made her heart stutter and, occasionally, made _her_ nervous over incredibly minor things. She really hated not being able to say anything, and having those feelings at all made her frustrated as hell, in more ways than one. With all that pent-up energy, she needed an outlet, and running seemed to do the trick. Hey, at least it was healthy. And exhausting. Super inconvenient that her dumb feelings had to start now, when the only constructive thing she could do was run laps around a desert. Next cycle better have a swimming pool.

She slowed down to a walk as she neared the _Starblaster_ , trying to slow her breathing. Sweat continued to drip down her forehead, and she was acutely aware of the hair that had fallen loose from her ponytail and now brushed her shoulders, making her itchy. God, this heat was annoying. Maybe she should just chop some of her hair off, give herself a style that didn’t add to the oppressive feeling she got every time she stepped outside.

Or, she could just get a grip and stop going for runs every time Barry smiled at her.

Yeah, that was a good idea, too.

With no one in sight, Lup made her way to the kitchen. She found a glass and filled it only halfway up before impatience got the best of her and she downed whatever she had. Shit, she was thirsty. She was halfway through another glass when Taako came into the room.

“Damn, you look a little damp there,” he said, giving her a once over.

Lup made a face at him as she filled up her cup again. “Hello to you, too.”

“Go on another run, did you?” he asked, coming up beside her and grabbing a glass as well.

She watched him fill it up. “What gave that away?”

“Well, you definitely don’t smell like you just took a shower.”

Ignoring the comment, Lup chugged the water as fast as she could. When she finished, Taako handed her his glass, and she gratefully took that one, as well. He said nothing, just studied her as she drank it, and when she emptied it, she set it down between them.

“What’s with the face?” she asked. “Got something on your mind?”

“I was gonna ask you the same thing,” he responded.

“I mean, I’m fine. Why are you asking?”

Taako continued to stare at her curiously. “That doesn’t really answer my question, Lup.”

“Okay then, there’s nothing on my mind,” she insisted. “Again, why are you asking?”

“I don’t know, you just seem a little…off.”

She tried to keep her expression as neutral as possible, hoping not to give him any indication that he might just be right. “Don’t feel off,” she said with a shrug. “Don’t think I’ve been acting off, either.”

“I mean, you don’t normally go running in a million-degree weather.”

“It’s also not normally a million degrees,” she laughed.

He didn’t. “Lup-”

“Taako, I promise I’m fine! Just picked up a hobby, is all. A girl can have hobbies, can’t she?”

Taako fell silent a moment, expression searching as he looked at her. Then he sighed. “Sure, but does it have to involve the possibility of you kicking the bucket from heat exhaustion or something?”

She smiled. “What if I promised to only go out in the evening when it’s slightly less than a million degrees? Would that make you feel better?”

“Yeah, probably.”

“I can do that,” she said, patting him on the shoulder. “You worry too much, babe.”

“’Scuse me for trying to make sure you live,” he replied with a huff.

Lup softened at that. She put her arm around him and leaned her head on his shoulder. “Poor choice of words. I think I meant thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he mumbled, but he rested his head on top of hers, and she knew she was forgiven.

They stayed like that in silence, enjoying the comfort for a moment, but Lup couldn’t help the prick of guilt she felt. She hated not being completely truthful with Taako. Normally, the two had no secrets, there was no need, but she didn’t feel like sharing this with him. Or anyone else. The IPRE was basically a weird little family by circumstance, but they were, first and foremost, a group on a mission, and she wasn’t sure how acceptable romantic relationships between them were. Not that she was interested in that. She wasn’t.

And as for Taako? Why bother him with something neither of them could change? Nah, she’d keep this to herself. After all, it wasn’t a big deal.

She nuzzled into him a little. “I should go shower.”

“Mhm, I was about to say,” Taako said, giving her a small shove with his shoulder. “Still kinda smell.”

“Rude,” she gasped in mock offense, wrapping both arms around him.

 He made no move to resist. “Gross.”

~

“What do you know about necromancy?”

Lup turned to stare at Barry, surprised at the sudden question. A moment ago, they’d been talking about what supplies they were going to bring back to the ship, which was hardly connected. “Pretty much nothing,” she told him, putting the scarf she’d been looking at back on the stand where she found it. She gave the attendant at the stall a smile, and then turned back to Barry. “It’s like, dark magic, right?”

“Essentially, that’s what it’s referred to as, yes. It’s the sect of magic dealing with power over death.”

“Does sound pretty dark, then.”

Barry hummed in agreement, but then fell silent, rubbing the back of his neck. His nervous tic. Clearly, he wanted to talk about this.

Lup smiled. “What about it? Why the sudden interest?”

“I guess I wouldn’t really say it’s a sudden interest,” he confessed, not entirely meeting her gaze. “I just haven’t really mentioned it before.”

“Go on,” she prompted.

“Just something that’s been in the back of my mind for a few cycles now. I mean, power over death seems like some far-fetched, creepy idea, right? But then again, we’ve basically had that for eighteen years now. We can die all we want, but we come back as soon as the year is up.”

“That’s true,” Lup agreed, intrigued now.

“We just don’t have control over it. I’m just curious what we could do if we did.”

This sounded like research, and she was so down for something cool to science the shit out of. “Now you’ve got me curious.”

Barry chuckled. “Well, like I said, it’s only been a passing interest for a while now, but I think it might be worth looking into. It’s not as if I don’t have the time.”

“Hell yeah, go for it!” She couldn’t help her excitement. Even if he was just looking for basic information now, at some point down the road, she’d probably be involved. And she did so love to be involved. For now, there was one more thing she needed to know. “Do you know where you can start?”

Barry rubbed the back of his neck again. “Well…”

“You do!”

“I guess I did hear about another town a few miles from here that supposedly has a shop whose owner dabbles in necromancy. They might have some sort of literature.”

“And you want to go there, right?”

“Whenever we have the time…”

“Barry,” she teased, drawing out his name.

“Fine, you caught me. I would really like to go there right this very second.” He finally made eye contact with her. “Please?”

Shit, how could she resist even if she wanted to? “Duh, of course we’re going!” She ignored the way her stomach seemed to be doing flip flops and turned him around by the shoulders, gently shoving him forwards. “What are we still here for? Get a move on!”

“Yes ma’am,” Barry said, laughing again.

~

It was really hard to concentrate.

She was trying, she really was, but it was hard when it was just so fucking hot. It probably didn’t help that she was willingly sitting outside in the sun, but the _Starblaster_ somehow felt just as stifling, so what was the point? She could be outside if she wanted to; the heat could bite her.

There was something else, though, besides the heat that kept distracting her. Someone, actually.

A ways off, Barry sat in a wooden lounge chair, deeply engrossed in a huge book. He’d had his nose in that book for the past few weeks, ever since they found it in the neighboring town, and still didn’t seem halfway through it. Unlike herself, the heat didn’t seem to be bothering him; no, he looked pretty comfortable. Lup watched him adjust the wide hat that he was wearing to keep the sun from his face and then reach over to grab the fruity drink that was sitting next to him and take a small sip of it. Taako had made those for the crew not too long ago, and she had downed hers quickly, but Barry didn’t do anything all that fast. He took his time when he enjoyed things.

Ugh.

“Anyway, I was thinking that I’d shave my hair into a mohawk and die it purple.”

“Yep,” Lup responded, absentmindedly.

“Oh my god, Lup, you’re not even listening to me,” Taako whined.

She quickly turned from Barry to her brother across the table, embarrassed. “What? Yes, I am!”

Taako scoffed. “Then what was I talking about?”

“Uh…giving yourself a radically different hairstyle?” she asked, knowing that it definitely hadn’t been the real subject.

“Like I ever would,” Taako said, stroking his braided hair. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing, I just wasn’t listening.”

“Then why are the tips of your ears red?”

She reached up to cover them, as if that would disprove what he’d already seen. “They are not.”

“They so are.” He leaned forward, eyeing her seriously. “Look, you’ve been acting weird ever since we got here. And you keep telling me it’s nothing, but it’s not nothing, and you and I both know that.”

“It’s nothing,” Lup sighed, “important.”

“But important enough that you don’t want to tell me.”

It wasn’t a question, and Lup felt guilty once again. “I wouldn’t even go so far as to say that.”

“You don’t have to tell me what it is, Lup,” he assured her, despite the hurt in his eyes. “I just don’t want to hear that nothing is up when it’s clear that something is, alright? But I’ll stop asking you about it.”

Lup leaned her head back, squinting irritably at the hot sun for a moment, then leaned forward and hid her face in her hands. What even was the point in keeping anything from Taako? She’d tell him absolutely anything, why not this? Especially when _this_ was not! A big! Deal!

“I think I have a tiny little crush on Barry,” she confessed quickly from behind her hands.

A beat of silence, and then Taako spoke. “I’m sorry.”

Lup groaned and let her hands fall. “I said, I think I have a-”

“No, no, I heard you,” he interrupted, smirking. “I just meant I’m sorry you have a thing for the IPRE’s very own fantasy Bill Nye the Science Guy.”

“Shut up! You like Barry!”

“Yeah, natch, but apparently not as much as you,” Taako responded, sing song.

Lup groaned and hid her face in her hands again. “Remind me never to tell you anything ever again.”

“Will do,” he said, clearly amused. “So, when’s the wedding?”

She immediately looked up again. “Never! It’s just a crush, okay? It’s not anything to get excited about, it’s not a big deal.” She pointed a finger at him as threateningly as she could. “And for the love of all the gods that there possibly could be, don’t you ever say anything to him about it.”

“Oh no, this is your thing, Lulu. I’ll stay out of it completely.” He made finger guns at her. “Trust.”

“Wow, thanks so much,” she deadpanned.

Taako just giggled in response, and she slumped back in her seat, pouting. She wasn’t sure what she expected, but it could have been worse. At least now, in some small way, it was off her chest.

As she tuned out her brother, she found herself sneaking another glance over at Barry who, none the wiser, flipped another page of his book.

~

There really didn’t seem to be a need for this impromptu crew meeting.

Lup shuffled her feet impatiently and tried not to zone out thinking about how she could be taking advantage of the evening hours by running. But clearly Davenport wanted to capitalize on the fact that everyone was around and not doing anything all that important just to get an update, even if none of them really had anything important to share.

“No one in my congregation has any idea what the hell I’m talking about when I ask if they’ve seen a big glowing Light,” Merle reported. “But some of them have told me they’d be willing to go out and help look for it if I asked.”

“Oh yeah, how is Merle’s Church of Pan 2.0 doing?” Magnus asked him.

Merle beamed. “Pretty great, actually! Everyone’s pretty committed, and it’s nice to have people to teach again.”

Lup wasn’t sure why it had taken him this long to start up another church like he had in the Mushroom Kingdom; he was clearly charismatic enough to get people involved. Maybe because he was just too busy dying.

“And they’re all real generous, which doesn’t hurt,” he added.

“Please do thank them for donating those supplies to us,” Lucretia requested. “We would’ve had a harder time trading for such high-quality goods with what we had from Jaden-Province.”

“Have already, but sure.”

Magnus raised his hand. “If Merle’s church dudes wanna go exploring for the Light, I’ll go too.”

“Didn’t you die last time you went with Merle’s ‘church dudes’ to chase after that thing?” Taako snickered.

“Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?”

“We’ll keep that in mind, Magnus, thank you,” Davenport interrupted hurriedly. He then turned to Barry. “Bluejeans, have you heard anything?”

Barry’s face turned slightly red at the sudden attention. “Oh. I, um, no,” he replied awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ve been…distracted?”

Lup could definitely relate.

Davenport gave him a small smile. “I was only asking. Anyway,” he continued, turning to address everyone. “We still have a little over half a year left here, so we still have time. I just wanted to see where we’re at.”

And with that, he dismissed them and the team scattered to go about their business. Lup glanced out the window and noted the darkening sky, feeling suddenly irritated over the lost running opportunity. Damn it, she really needed it today. Maybe if she got up really early tomorrow—

“You alright, Lup?”

She turned to find Barry looking at her with mild concern. “Always, Barold,” she replied with a smile, hoping it masked the impatience she felt. “Why?”

“I don’t know, you just didn’t say anything during the meeting. Didn’t heckle Cap’n Port even once.”

“Oh shit, do you think he missed it?” she joked.

“Possibly,” he chuckled. Then he sobered. “So you’re fine?”

“Definitely. Think I’m just tired.”

 It wasn’t really a lie. She was, in fact, tired of her own nonsense.

Barry smiled, seemingly satisfied. “Good. Because, well, I didn’t really want to add to it if anything was wrong, but I was going to ask you if we could take a rain check on using the telescope to study the sky tonight? I know we had tentative plans, and I honestly hate cancelling, I really do, but I’m trying to finish that book, and I’m almost done with it. Well, halfway, at least. I think. The one on necromancy, did I mention that? I don’t think I did. It’s the necromancy book I borrowed. I mean, I really want to get through it because, well, for one it’s rather fascinating, and also I don’t want to keep it from that guy too long, you know? He might—”

“Take a breath there, Barry,” Lup interrupted him, giggling. “I’m not mad. The sky will still be there after you finish that thing, so go read your heart out. But,” she added, “you better fill me in on every single detail when you’re done.”

“Of course,” he replied. “I’m taking copious notes.”

God, why was that so cute? She hoped that the warmth suddenly spreading from her chest wasn’t as blaringly obvious on her cheeks as she felt it was. “Hell yeah, can’t wait!”

He chuckled, thankfully unaware. “Same here.”

And with that, he was off, and with nothing else to do, Lup wandered towards the kitchen. She found Taako there, as she’d hoped she would, stirring something in a bowl.

“Whatcha making?”

“Don’t know yet,” he replied, looking up at her. “Where’d your boyfriend go?”

Lup rolled her eyes. “Barry had shit to do.”

Taako grabbed some sort of spice and added it to his bowl. “You know what I don’t get?” he asked with a smirk.

“Oh please, do tell,” Lup sighed, leaning against the counter.

“Why Barry?  I mean, you could have a crush on anyone.”

“Like who?”

“I don’t know. Magnus maybe?”

Lup raised an eyebrow. “Would you prefer that?”

“Oh gods, no. I’m just saying, Magnus is like, a big tough dude. Or, he thinks he is, at least. That sounds like something you’d be into.”

“Really?” Lup snorted. “Why’s that?”

“Isn’t that the dream? Strong dude carrying you around? Magnus could like, sling you over his shoulder or something. Think Barry could do that?”

Lup made a show of pretending to picture that scenario. “Damn, I sure hope so,” she sighed dreamily.

“Too real!” Taako exclaimed, holding his hands up. “Didn’t actually wanna know, thanks.”

“You shouldn’t have asked, then,” she laughed, pushing herself off the counter and heading back out the door. “Have fun with that mental image.”

“You have fun with it,” Taako replied.

“Good one,” she called back over her shoulder, despite the fact that she could feel her cheeks grow hotter.

It occurred to her that Taako wasn’t necessarily wrong. She could remember having a thing for tough guys, way back when. But that clearly wasn’t something she was into now.

Now she got excited about sharing copious notes about necromancy with the biggest science nerd she’d ever met.  

~

Was it getting hotter or was it just her?

Lup leaned over the railing of the ship’s deck as she stared across the dry land, feeling restless. No one else seemed that offended by the heat, so maybe it was just her. Either way, it was insufferable and she was over it. But she had made it this far without combusting, so there was no reason to think she couldn’t keep soldiering on. She just needed to distract herself, which couldn’t be all that difficult. It never was.

The first step was to stop moping. Lup gave herself a mental shake as she turned from the railing and went back down inside the ship. As she ambled down the hall, she spotted Lucretia walking hurriedly and ran to catch up to her.

“Lucretia dear,” Lup greeted, “where’re you off to?”

Lucretia turned at the sound of her name, looking preoccupied. “Oh, Lup, hello. I’m sorry, I’m in a bit of a hurry. I need to get Merle some ice.”

“He ok?” Lup asked, worried.

“I’m sure he will be. A couple members of his church brought him back here saying he fainted. He must have gotten too hot or something.”

“Do you need help?”

“Actually, yes, if you don’t mind. I left him in the infirmary, if you could go and watch over him until I get there, that would be helpful. I won’t be too long.”

“Of course, no problem.”

Lucretia thanked her and Lup made her way to the infirmary where she found Merle lying on a bed, not totally unconscious.

“What’s up, old man?” Lup said gently, pulling up a stool.

“S’ hot,” Merle replied, eyes closed.

“You can say that again.”

“Hot.”

She stifled a giggle, unsure whether or not he meant to be funny. Her best guess was not so much.

Merle fell silent again, and Lup followed suit, unsure what else to do. She stared at the clock on the wall, and wondered how long Lucretia would be.

"Am I gonna die?”

Now Lup did allow herself a small chuckle. “Don’t think so this time.”

“What don’t you think?” Lucretia asked, coming into the room with a tray.

“He was asking if he was gonna croak.” Lup answered.

“Oh dear, not today, Merle,” the woman said. She then gave a small smile. “I am terribly sorry to deliver the news.”

 Lup laughed a little louder at that. Lucretia didn’t often try to be funny, but Lup found it adorable when she did.

Lucretia set the tray down on the counter and picked up a bag of ice off of it and a rag. She wrapped the bag and then sat down next to Lup as she rested it on Merle’s forehead, holding it in place. “Is it too cold?” she asked him.

“Feel’s good,” he mumbled.

Lucretia smiled again and then turned to Lup. “There is a cup of tea on the tray for you, if you would like some. I was later than I meant to be because I was making it. My apologies.”

“You’re a gem and should be sorry for nothing,” Lup assured her with a wink as she grabbed the cup. She took a sip. “It’s awesome, thanks!”

“Thank you for your help.”

The two sat in silence, Lup sipping her tea and Lucretia tending to Merle. After a few minutes, Lucretia turned to her again.

“How are you doing, Lup?”

Lup took a long sip of her tea, thinking over her answer. “Could be better, could be worse,” she finally said.

“Oh?”

She nodded. “Heat’s getting to me a little.”

“That does seem to be going around.” Lucretia adjusted the bag of ice for emphasis.

“I guess I could definitely be worse,” Lup replied sheepishly.

“There is always that possibility. But that doesn’t mean you can’t express your feelings if something is going on.”

“Is that your way of asking if I’m okay?” Lup asked with a chuckle.

“Not necessarily.”

“No?”

“No, mostly because you tend to speak your mind no matter the circumstance, so I would assume that if you had something to say, you would say it.”

Normally she did. Lately, though, the thing that was on her mind the most was something that she wanted to keep to herself as much as possible. She was still waiting for this whole crush on Barry thing to disappear, and talking about it made it seem like a bigger deal than it was. And it was hardly any sort of deal at all.

Lup laughed. “You saying I talk too much?”

“Never too much, Lup.” Lucretia smiled at her sincerely. “Never too much.”

~

How thick was that necromancy book?

Lup sighed as she watched Taako’s magic missile crash into a sand dune, making the darkness glow a little brighter than it already was in the moonlight as sand flew in all directions. She hadn’t seen much of Barry all week, but last she saw him, he’d said he was almost done reading and was excited to tell her everything he’d been learning. That was yesterday morning.

Taako tipped the front of his hat and whistled. “See that one, Lup?”

“Rad,” she replied, attempting to muster up some enthusiasm.

It clearly didn’t work. “No need to sound so impressed.”

“I’m sorry, I guess I’m just not in the mood.”

“I can see that. We can call it a night, if you want.”

Lup wiped a bead of sweat from her forehead. “We did just get here, though.”

“Yeah, but no point in being out here if you don’t want to be.”

By way of an answer, Lup extended her arm and produced a fireball in her hand, searching for the perfect sand dune to aim it at.

“Probably wouldn’t be so grumpy if Barry hadn’t been a hermit all week,” Taako joked.

Lup groaned in frustration and turned and tossed the fireball just passed her brother. “Well now I’m leaving.”

She turned and stalked back towards the _Starblaster_ off in the distance, hearing Taako’s footsteps as he trailed after her.

“Lup,” Taako called, sing-song, “where you going?”

She didn’t respond as she continued walking.

“Lup, I didn’t mean to imply that your boyfriend was ignoring you,” he giggled.

She rolled her eyes and stopped in her tracks, turning to face her brother. “Oh my god, Taako, please.”

He stopped in front of her. “What?” he asked, smiling innocently. “You know, I still don’t get it.”

“Get what, exactly?”

“What it is about Barry.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, irritated.

“I mean, he’s like, not at all your type.”

“So?”

“So, what gives?”

“I don’t know, Taako,” Lup snapped, louder than she meant to. “Is that actually something anyone can explain? It’s not the easiest thing to do! I could just list things off about him, like how he’s sweet, and quiet, and how hard he works to figure things out. And how he’s funny.”

Taako cocked his head. “You think he’s funny?” he asked.

“I guess! I sure laugh a lot when I’m around him! He’s a huge-ass nerd and he gets embarrassed so easily, it’s ridiculously cute, and he has the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met. And he doesn’t seem to own a single pair of pants that isn’t jeans. How does that happen?”

“I don’t—”

“And,” Lup interrupted, on a roll now. “Every time we solve some sort of cosmic mystery after hours and hours of work, he always looks like he’s on cloud nine! Just so damn happy about it, and it makes me happy just looking at him. And even before I liked him, it made me happy just to be around him. So I don’t know what it is about Barry Bluejeans, but apparently it’s something!”

She took a deep breath, deflated. “But I guess lately it’s not the same because this stupid crush is distracting me. I can’t just enjoy being around him like I usually do, because I’m too busy trying not to say or do something dumb. And for some reason that’s really fucking hard? Like, I know that he doesn’t have feelings for me, which I’m tota-lly—”

Lup felt the lump in her throat and heard the crack in her voice, and snapped her mouth shut immediately. She stared up at Taako who she knew from his expression had heard it, too. Her face flushed, and she cleared her throat.

“I-I’m totally cool w-with—”

She felt the first tear hit her cheek at the same moment as Taako reached out and pulled her close. Pressed up against his chest, she felt more tears fall as Taako rubbed her back soothingly.

“Lup, hey, I’m sorry” he said, gently and sincerely. “I was teasing.”

Lup sniffed. “It’s not because of you,” she told him.

“I really didn’t know you felt that strongly about him.”

“It’s alright,” she replied, taking a shaky breath. “Neither did I.”

Neither spoke again as he continued to hold her while her tears subsided. After a moment, Lup let out a watery little laugh.

“Shit, I’m sorry for being such a mess.”

“I’m sorry for being an ass.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed. “You weren’t trying to be.”

Taako squeezed her back. “It’s gonna be alright, Lup.”

“I know. It’s just a crush. It’ll go away.”

“You…sure it’s just a crush?” he asked hesitantly.

Lup sighed shakily. “Nope.”

“Then—”

“Shhh,” she whispered, looking up at him. “Don’t say it.”

A long moment passed while he stared down at her. Then he gave her a small smile. “You got it.”

~

“All in all, necromancy sounds useful, but I can definitely understand why it’s regarded as a rather taboo subject. It’s definitely dark, no doubt about that.”

Lup looked up from her notes and watched him adjust the telescope he was setting up. “Still cool as hell, though.” She looked back down and found the line she’d left off on. “Most of it, at least. This lich thing sounds pretty spooky.”

 Barry bent to peer through the telescope. “Binding your soul to magic? Definitely.”

She flipped the page back and forth, scanning. “Doesn’t say how that happens.”

“I know,” Barry groaned, looking back down at her. “You’d think whoever wrote that book would have spent a little more time on the subject with how long they’d already made it, but I guess not. And I tried to ask the shop owner, but he refused to talk about it, so that’s a dead end.”

“Maybe that’s for the best?”

“Perhaps.”

Lup could tell he wasn’t entirely convinced that was true, but he didn’t say as much, so she let the subject drop.

“Well, now you have some cool new shit to look into when you get the opportunity. Maybe next cycle is full of necromancers. Or at least more books.”

Barry chuckled. “One can hope.” He then paused and looked down at the ground, nervous. “Hey, I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted lately.”

Distracted? If anyone had been distracted, it had been her. “What do you mean? You haven’t been at all!”

“I’m just saying,” he replied, sitting down next to her, “I tend to get engrossed in things to an extreme. And I feel like I put this particular subject ahead of everything else, which wasn’t my intention.”

“I didn’t think it was, Barry. And I don’t think you did that, either.”

“If you say so,” he said, looking embarrassed.

“For real, Barold,” she smiled, “you’re good.”

He blushed as he returned her smile, and she felt an urge to reach over and rub his head affectionately. But she didn’t. Instead, she looked up and pretended to be distracted by the night sky.

Lup couldn’t help the small nag of guilt she felt over Barry’s own worry that he’d been distant; she knew that she’d been the distant one. Distant and irritable, and that just wasn’t her. But she was done with all of that. She didn’t have time for it, and it was exhausting. Lying to herself was exhausting. Apparently, you can’t run away from your feelings, who knew?

You can refuse to label them, though. She wouldn’t let Taako, and she wouldn’t do it herself. Feelings were complicated little shits, and there was no point agonizing over trying to figure them out.  So fuck it, she liked Barry. More than she ever really planned to.

A small breeze whispered by, making her hair tickle her cheek, and Lup let out a relieved sigh. Maybe she’d like Barry for a cycle or two, maybe she’d like him for twenty. Maybe it would suck sometimes. Either way, she’d learn how to deal. She’d be fine.

“Are you good?” Barry asked her, looking up at the sky as well.

“Who, me? Please, you forget who you’re talking to.”

She looked over at him and gave him a playful shove, then stuck out her hand.

“I’m Lup. I’m awesome.”

Barry took it and gave it a shake as he laughed. “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fbi agent assigned to me might be mildly concerned by how much I googled necromancy and liches. It's fine. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading! And for the comments that have been left! I enjoy those way too much lol. Also, I did want to say that I'm currently in the process of moving in a couple of weeks, so if it takes me a little longer than normal to get the next chapter out, I apologize!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a good thing I never claimed to have an update schedule!

Surely by now, nothing would surprise him anymore.

A cynical thought, honestly; who wouldn’t be surprised by worlds vastly different from your own? But that wasn’t at all how Barry meant it. He found himself amazed by _something_ during each and every cycle, even if there was nothing particularly exciting about the world they found themselves in. No, he just thought that maybe after a full eighteen years of this, the novelty of it all would wear off, that maybe when faced with something completely new, he wouldn’t be so…well, surprised that it was happening, if that made any sense at all.

No, of course it didn’t. Best not to attempt to articulate that thought out loud.

At any rate, Barry was vaguely disappointed to find that cycle nineteen didn’t seem to be inhabited by anyone, despite the fact that the IPRE had seen quite a few western looking towns as they’d flown down on the _Starblaster_. Cautious treks through a couple of them hadn’t brought anyone out to meet them either, despite all of them looking like they’d been recently occupied.

“Must be abandoned,” Davenport had said as they all made their way back to the ship.

“Or everyone mysteriously kicked it for some reason,” Taako replied, sounding unconcerned, but his eyes darted from side to side as they walked, uneasy.

“Or something came and got them,” Magnus added, trying equally as hard to hide his uneasiness.

Merle looked between the two as they walked. “Gee thanks, that’s real helpful.”   

“I really don’t think we need to borrow trouble just yet,” Davenport admonished them. “It won’t help anything.”

“I’m sure we will proceed as we always do,” Lucretia said, glancing at Barry.

Barry nodded. “Of course. When we get back, I’ll start running the usual tests and we can probably rule out some the possibilities.”

He felt someone bump against his other side and turned to find Lup smiling up at him. “Count me in!”

“Obviously,” he smiled back.

She smiled a bit wider, satisfied, and said nothing else as she fell into step beside him. When they arrived back to the _Starblaster_ , the two set about their work as quickly as they could. As the day wore on and afternoon stretched to evening, the test results proved no immediate threat to the crew’s wellbeing, which they reported to Davenport.

“Well, that takes care of quite a few concerns,” the captain said, stroking his beard. “Doesn’t really tell us what happened to the people here.”

“One step at a time, Cap’n Port,” Lup said, stretching her arms up. “Pretty sure that won’t be a mystery for too long. And in the meantime, we know none of us will kick it from drinking water or some shit.” She pantomimed lowering a pair of sunglasses onto her face and then made finger guns at him. “You’re welcome.”

Barry snorted and then covered his mouth, immediately embarrassed, but the noise apparently went unnoticed as Davenport just blinked up at Lup.

“Thank you both for your work, as always,” he said sincerely.

Amazing how Lup could get away with saying anything.

“Happy to help,” Barry replied as he rubbed the back of his neck.

They all turned at the sound of Merle coming down the steps from the ship’s deck, a peculiar look on his face.

“Merle, what’s up?” Magnus called from across the room. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something.”

Merle opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again, shaking his head a little. He looked over at Magnus and cocked his head. “I…did?”

“You did what?” Magnus chuckled.

“Actually more like twenty? Or thirty, I didn’t count.”

Barry took a step towards him, interested now. “Didn’t count what, bud?”

“The ghosts.”

The whole crew turned to look at Merle, who still looked a bit out of it, confused into silence. Lucretia spoke up first.

“Merle, at the risk of being redundant-”

“I was just standing on deck minding my own business,” Merle interrupted, rounding on Lucretia, “and all of the sudden a bunch of ghost people popped up down below out of nowhere!”

At this, they all fell silent again for a moment as they stared at Merle, processing. And then they all moved at once as they ran towards the windows. Looking out, Barry could see quite a few of the beings. They looked like people, but a shimmering, dullish gray, and see-through.

“That’s new,” Taako commented from his spot a few windows down.

Barry felt a little jolt of excitement at the prospect of meeting beings that appeared to be ghosts. If they turned out to be friendly, of course. So far they seemed to be. At least they hadn’t started attacking yet. But Taako was right; this was something new, something they hadn’t seen before. And it also occurred to him that these people might possibly be liches, and that was definitely something he was eager to learn more about.

“I suppose we should stop gawking and introduce ourselves,” Davenport suggested, adjusting his IPRE robe. “Everyone keep your wits about you.”

“We’ve got this Cap’n Port,” Magnus answered, trying his best to look as intimidating as possible.

The gnome nodded as he opened the door and stepped out, with Barry and the rest quickly following suit. A few gasps emanated from the crowd as they did, the ghosts murmuring among themselves.

Davenport cleared his throat. “My apologies, we didn’t mean to alarm you or intrude. We just wanted to introduce ourselves. My name is Davenport.”

The crowd grew silent again, and one of them walked towards the captain, though Barry noted that the ghost’s feet didn’t seem to actually touch the ground. “No need to be sorry, my friend, we’ve known you were here all day. Name’s Roe.”

Roe stuck his hand out towards Davenport, who hesitantly reached out as if he wasn’t sure how the exchange would work. But somehow it did, as his hand was energetically shaken up and down by the other man. Davenport looked taken aback by this, but not one to forget himself, continued with the pleasantries.

“It’s a pleasure, Roe. Uh, what do you mean you’ve known we were here?”

“You walked all over town, didn’t you?”

“Well, yes but we didn’t see anyone.”

“Only drawback of being a Shade. We more or less cease to exist during the daytime hours. If the sun’s out we just kind of stop, if that makes sense.”

“Sure, absolutely,” replied Davenport amicably, although Barry was sure that the captain was just as confused as he was. His curiosity was piqued, of course, but now probably wasn’t the best time for that curiosity, though.

Unfortunately, not everyone had the same tact. “Damn, how’d that happen?” Magnus asked.

For this, he got Taako’s elbow in his ribs and a quick look from Davenport, but Roe and a few other Shades gave amused laughs.

“I’m sure you don’t want a history lesson right now,” Roe chuckled. “But suffice it to say that’s pretty much how it’s always been.”

Barry felt a small wave of disappointment at that piece of news. To his right, Lup caught his eye and leaned closer. “Doesn’t seem like a lich thing,” she whispered, clearly thinking the same as he was.

He gave a small shake of his head and shrugged in response. No, no lich business here, which was unfortunate. But there was a whole group of people to learn about and learn from, and the disappointment quickly fizzled out and was replaced by a growing excitement and a hunger to learn.

And a pleasant surprise that he had the chance to experience it all.

~

“I’m starting to think that we might need to rethink our sleeping habits,” Lucretia said from across the table.

“What do you mean?”  Barry asked, trying to stifle a yawn.

 “Well I, for one, am exhausted. I don’t think I can speak for the rest of you, but,” she laughed, looking down the wooden bar table, “you all look about as tired as I feel. Magnus, you’re falling asleep in your drink.”

Next to her, Magnus picked his head up off his glass. “Wha- no I’m not,” he sputtered, blinking quickly. “I’ve just had too much.”

“You’ve had one drink in an hour,” Lucretia replied with amusement. “That isn’t really your normal. You can drink any of us under the table. And Merle,” she added. “is asleep.”

Barry peered around Lup to see that she was, in fact, correct. Lup poked the dwarf, but he didn’t move. Barry chuckled and then stifled another yawn.

“And you,” said Lucretia, turning to him, “have not stopped yawning for fifteen minutes.”

“Sorry, I guess I’m just-” he wasn’t able to stop the yawn this time from cutting him off.

“Exhausted?” Lucretia asked.

Barry felt a small amount of embarrassment when his friends responded in kind. “Yeah,” he answered sheepishly.

“Guess Taako and Cap’n Port had the right idea turning in early,” Lup yawned. “Too bad they’re missing out.”

“That brings me back to my point. If we started sleeping in the day, then we wouldn’t miss out on interacting with the Shades at night.”

Barry couldn’t argue with that; staying awake all day and well into the night definitely wasn’t healthy or sustainable. They’d been here a little over a week and hadn’t gotten to spend as much quality time as they’d wanted with the Shades, but at least it had been informative. The Shades were incredibly welcoming and more than willing to share about themselves and hear from the IPRE as well.

As far as Barry understood it, the Shades weren’t exactly dead nor were they alive. They just sort of…existed, but only in the dark hours, as Roe had said. And in those hours, it seemed like a non-stop party, with plenty of eating and drinking, despite not seeming to actually need sustenance. That one Barry hadn’t figured out how they managed, and it seemed rude to ask, so he’d refrained. At least it benefitted him and his friends. That is, when they were awake enough to enjoy it.

“Falling asleep in a bar is a little embarrassing,” Barry replied by way of agreement.

“Sweet!” Lup cheered. “We’re going nocturnal!”

~

The whole “going nocturnal” thing took them a few weeks to accomplish. It involved a lot of weirdly timed naps and feeling vaguely out of it for a bit, but it wasn’t like it was the hardest thing they’d ever had to do. Didn’t even make it in Lup’s top ten.

Honestly, she kinda dug it. Night time here had a cool vibe to it. Could’ve just been because the Shades liked to live it up when they were awake, or maybe it was just something about the world in general she liked. She could at least say that being here didn’t feel like boiling in a hot tub in hell like last cycle. That was probably it, actually. This cycle felt like a breath of fresh air compared to the last one, and that was mostly because she was determined not to let herself get all worked up over her little crush. No reason to be dramatic about it.

“Ow! You trying to pull my hair out or something?”

Speaking of dramatic.

Lup looked at her brother’s disgruntled face in the mirror. “I didn’t pull, you moved, goofus.”

“Well if I did, it’s because you’re taking too long,” Taako whined. “I’m bored.”

“Excuse you, braiding is art and you are the canvas on which I’m creating a masterpiece. And you asked me to do it.” She used her free hand to flick his ear. “So hold still. I’m almost done anyway.”

Taako stuck his tongue out at her reflection but complied, making a show of being as still as possible. Lup rolled her eyes good naturedly and continued her work. After a few minutes of silence, during which not a single hair was pulled thanks to her being the best, she reached around to give him a smaller mirror to hold.

“Tell me I’m awesome.”

He took a moment to primp in the mirror before he spoke “You’re awesome. Amazing, even,” he replied, not putting the mirror down.

“Oh, I know,” she said, scooting off his bed. “I’ll leave you two alone.”

“Where you going?”

“Barry had some sort of science thing he wanted to do,” she told him, pretending to be super engrossed in picking up her brush from his bed. She peaked at him out of the corner of her eye. “I was gonna meet up with him.”

“Hmm, sounds nerdy,” he replied casually, setting the mirror down and grabbing his hat. “Have fun with that.”

She smiled and headed out the door. “Thanks, babe!” she called behind her.

Lup knew she didn’t have a reason to be weird about Barry in front of Taako. After her little meltdown last cycle, they’d basically come to an unspoken agreement never to reference her feelings for Barry unless she decided she wanted to talk about it. And she didn’t, like, at all. So there was nothing to worry about except for her own awkwardness. Which she was working on, she really was. At least she wasn’t literally running herself ragged over it anymore. At least, not all the time. Now it was only occasionally.

What? She was working on it.

~

“Another round!”

“Slow down there, sailor,” Taako admonished over the cheers of a group of Shades. “That was like your fifth one.”

“Only five?” Magnus chuckled. “Damn, I’m behind.”

“Well, I’m not gonna get this one,” Taako replied.

“I’ll do it!” shouted one of the Shades.

“Thanks Cybil!” Magnus called after her.

Barry watched the Shade as she floated off to the bar and then turned back to Magnus. “Was she one of the ones that went with you?”

“Yeah,” Magnus replied. “She’s fun. Everyone was really cool, actually.”

“Was it super weird when they’d just disappear on you when the sun came up?” Lup asked.

“Definitely weird,” he told her. “I mean I was asleep too most of that time, but it was still kinda creepy being all of the sudden alone in the middle of nowhere. It did make me double time it at night to get to the Light faster.”

“And for that,” Davenport interjected, “we thank you.”

Lup clapped him on the back. “Two months is a long time without you, my man.”

“You will have to tell me about everything later,” Lucretia told him excitedly.

Magnus chuckled. “You’re welcome, same here, and I will,” he replied.

Cybil came back with Magnus’s beer. “Number six!” she cheered. “Oh! Des is going to play!”

The rest of the Shades from Magnus’s search party all squealed in delight and the IPRE all turned to watch them scramble to the small stage at the back of the bar that housed a piano.

“Do they ever get tired?” Taako asked.

“I don’t think so,” Davenport said. “And for that I envy them. Speaking of which, it’s about that time, so I’ll be heading out.”

As they bid him goodnight watched him go, Magnus took a swig of his beer. “Must be nice. Party all the time and don’t age.”

“We don’t age,” Taako reminded him.

“Yeah, but that’s different,” Lup broke in. “We’re at least capable. Or, I mean, we were.”

Barry turned away from the group of Shades by the piano and faced his friends. “It’s an interesting thing, isn’t it? We change so much every cycle, learn new skills and get better at old ones, but we don’t ever change physically. But I can’t say I miss it.”

“Why’s that?” Lup asked.

“Well, I never really enjoyed birthdays to begin with, but if I were still ageing, I would have turned sixty-two last week. Forty-two is quite old enough, thanks.”

Magnus almost knocked over his cup. “Holy fuck! You’re old!”

Taako doubled over in his seat in laughter while Lup and Lucretia tried to suppress theirs. Barry felt himself blush. “Yes, I know,” he mumbled.

“It’s only a number, Barry,” Lucretia told him kindly.

“Nice of you to say, Luce” he replied. He looked at her and Magnus. “How old are you two again?”

“Twenty,” Lucretia said.

Magnus raised his hand. “Nineteen.”

Barry sighed. “Gods, I’m old.”

“You’re like our dad,” Magnus smiled. “Papa Bluejeans.”

Taako lost it again. “Papa Bluejeans!” he cried amidst his laughter, wiping a few tears away. “I love it!”

Barry scrubbed at his face with his hands. He felt Lup punch his arm lightly. “We won’t let that one stick,” she promised.

He chuckled. “Appreciate that.”

“Is forty-two really that old?” Lup asked, looking genuinely curious.

“I guess not, just sounds it. Middle-aged and all that.”

“If it helps, Taako and I are two hundred and three.”

Barry scratched his head. “That’s not even close to half the lifespan of an elf, right?”

“Nope!” Taako interjected from his seat. “Still young and thriving, baby!”

They all laughed at that and the conversation turned to other subjects, but Barry was distracted by the Shades at the piano clapping as a song was finished. The Shade gave a theatrical bow, and then continued to play a different song, and the voices of his friends were drowned out as Barry listened.

~

The sun was rising, and the Shades in the bar had disappeared. As the IPRE started filing out, Barry hung back and made his way to the piano.

He sat down at the bench, which creaked under his weight but felt sturdy enough, and lifted the lid. He stared at the keys for a moment and then played a single note. It sounded much louder than he expected it to in the quiet room. This was silly.

“Beethoven, is that you?” Lup asked, startling him and making him bump a few keys, the noise reverberating around the room. “Sorry,” she giggled, sitting down next to him.

“Oh, n-no, that’s okay,” he stuttered, feeling as if he’d been caught doing something weird. “I was just…”

“Playing the piano?” she supplied, interested. “I didn’t know you could.”

“Not sure if I can. It’s pretty much been a lifetime since I’ve tried.”

Lup smiled. “So try and we’ll see.”

Well if Lup was asking, he couldn’t possibly refuse. He took a moment, hands hovering over the keys, to dig deep into his memory, and then began to play.

He was rusty. It wasn’t the prettiest version of the song nor was it the smoothest, but he could at least recognize it as a song he’d once been familiar with. Halfway through, he trailed off, forgetting the rest.

Lup clapped. “That was rad! Didn’t know you were such a prodigy,” she teased.

“Hardly,” he snorted.

“When did you learn to play like that?”

“When I was really young, probably around elementary school. My parents wanted me to play, my mom especially. Not sure why that was. But she insisted on it, and I had lessons multiple times a week for quite a number of years.”

“Did you like it?”

“I think it’s beautiful. I like listening to it being played, but I didn’t really like my free time being spent practicing it constantly. So eventually, I gave it up.”

“Ah,” Lup smiled. “and how did your mom feel about that?”

“Disappointed, I’m sure, but she never really said anything. It was also around that time that I got into science and, became, well, just a younger version of me now, so that was probably an extra disappointment,” he chuckled.

“Disappointed?” Lup asked incredulously. “By you, the brilliant science officer of the IPRE? I can’t imagine.”

“I didn’t have as many credentials behind my name at that point,” he laughed again.

She nudged him playfully. “Just Barry Bluejeans, the cutest science nerd.”

He felt himself blush again. “Something like that, I guess.”

Lup giggled and he turned to face the piano again. As he rubbed the back of his neck, he concentrated on willing the blush from his face. As if that ever worked.

Surely by now, he would have stopped being so awkward around Lup. He really couldn’t explain it; she just had that effect on him, even after all these years. They were close, she was his best friend, and yet she could still leave him a blushing stammering mess sometimes. Actually, his theory for that was that he just wasn’t capable of keeping up with her. They were friends by mere chance, and if the IPRE hadn’t been stuck in this cyclical journey for nearly twenty years, he assumed that they would have completed their mission a long time ago and parted ways, and he and Lup would never have kept in contact. Not that he wanted that. Not at all, and it hurt to even imagine a Lup-shaped hole in his life, but it was realistic. That was just what happened between people like him and her. Of everyone he’d ever run across, Lup was still the most amazing, the most charismatic, the coolest person he’d ever had the pleasure of knowing. And he was…well, he was just Barry. She was, by far, way too cool for him. Barry was grateful she hadn’t figured that out yet.

He hoped she never did.

“Play something else,” Lup requested, interrupting his thoughts before he made himself too despondent over it.

Instead of answering, he made a show of dramatically straightening in his seat and lifting his hands above the keys, then cleared his throat loudly. Lup giggled again, and the sound chased away the last remaining dark clouds of negativity in his heart, and he began to play again. The song was different than the last, a happy little tune of which he remembered very little. But Lup clapped when he stopped after a few moments anyway.

“Can I try?” she asked.

“Be my guest,” he replied, scooting over to give her more room.

Lup took a moment to run her hands over the keys, not saying anything. Then she smiled to herself and began to play. It was the same song he’d played a moment ago, just a little rougher than his version. But not by much.

“Shit, can you play too?” he asked when she stopped in the same place as he had.

“Nah, I just watched you really closely.” She winked at him.

“Figures,” he sighed, leaning back a little. “Is there anything you can’t do?”

“What can I say? I have mad skills.”

Barry tried to laugh, but was interrupted by an unexpected yawn instead. A rather embarrassingly long one at that. Lup did the same in response.

He rubbed his eyes. “Probably time to head back.”

“Seems like it,” she replied. “Thanks for playing for me!”

“Of course,” he said, smiling down at her. “Anytime.”

~

As they drowsily made their way back to the _Starblaster_ , Lup fought the urge to peak up at Barry every couple of feet.

She didn’t know he could play. How did she not know that? How had that never come up? And why couldn’t she stop thinking about it? And why did it make him even cuter than he already was?!

 _Get a grip._ It’s not like she didn’t know Barry was talented as hell. He was cool, he’d always been cool. She’d known that for years. This didn’t need to drive her crazy, right? Right?

Damn it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up, this got long!

_Almost there, almost there, almost there._

Panting, Barry tried to focus on Magnus’s back ahead of him as he ran towards the _Starblaster_ and not the dark tendrils of the Hunger as it rained down all around them. In his peripheral, one streaked by, speckles of green and blue mixing into the black momentarily pulling his attention away from the man just ahead of him. The thought that if it weren’t for its destructive and world-shattering power, the Hunger might actually be beautiful entered his mind briefly before being overshadowed by fear once again, and he continued his inward chant to himself as he surged forward.

_Almost there, almost there, almost there._

The twentieth time they’d had to escape the Hunger and it was just as terrifying as the first. Knowing what to expect didn’t make it better. It would have been easier if they’d been near the ship and ready to go, but they hadn’t been. They’d been a few miles out, trying to get some much needed supplies, and had run into _them_ again. The Fenrir, the furry, snarling beasts they’d had to deal with all year long. Thankfully, they’d fought off most of them and slowed down the rest. But he could still hear their nightmarish howls and snarls behind him, so clearly they were catching up again.

_Almost there, almost there, almost—_

Barry yelped as a shimmering tendril crashed into the ground directly in front of him, cracking the ground. He tried to dodge around it but tripped over his own feet, crashing into the dirt himself. It scraped his palms and Barry hissed in pain before looking up to see Magnus still running, unaware that his friend had fallen.

He needed to get up; the ship was just across the field, he could make it. He didn’t want to die with freedom just out of reach. Barry pushed to his knees, but before he could get to his feet, a sound behind him made his blood run cold, and he turned around to face it.

A growling Fenrir stood before him, clearly unconcerned with the world ending around it, ready to pounce. Barry sat frozen, scarcely daring to breathe as he stared at the beast and forgot every spell he knew. This was it, then. Maybe it would be quick. Hopefully he wouldn’t remember all the painful details of his death later when-

The Fenrir sprung forward at the same time as a figure slid in front of Barry, casting a spell that knocked the beast out of the air. It landed on the ground a few feet away, unmoving. Barry looked up as the figure turned towards him.

“For fuck’s sake, Barold!” Taako shouted over the sounds of the apocalypse. “Move your ass!”

Barry felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Lup standing behind him. She grabbed his hand and pulled him up, and the three of them took off towards the ship.

He was wheezing by the time they hurtled through the door and fell to his knees, trying to catch his breath. The doors immediately closed behind him and the ship took off.

“Cutting it a little close,” Davenport called from his chair up front.

“It’s not like-we were having-a goodbye party-with the Fenrir,” Taako retorted, panting. “And you-could have just-left us.”

Instead of responding, the captain pulled levers on the console in front of him, pushing the _Starblaster_ faster and faster, dodging tendrils shot down from the sky.

When he finally turned to speak, it was strained. “Only if I know I can’t help it.”

Taako stared after Davenport, even after the gnome turned back around and continued to resolutely guide the ship to safety. The elf opened his mouth to speak again, but Lup’s hand on his shoulder stopped him, and Taako instead took off his hat and found a seat.

Barry continued trying his best to breathe, still hunched over on the floor. He didn’t feel the need to move; what was really the point when he’d be reset in just a few minutes?

“Barry, I’m sorry,” Magnus said, crouching down beside him, guilt etched onto his features. “I didn’t know you weren’t behind me. I would have come back! I would have—”

“Magnus,” Barry interrupted him, “it’s not your fault, bud. You didn’t know.”

“I should have though! If I had been paying more attention, then maybe—”

The rest of Magnus’s sentence was cut off as white light snaked around both of them, and Barry felt that uncomfortable tug, that rearranging of his very being that was familiar after all these years. Before he knew it, he was once again magically on the other side of the room, staring at the back of Magnus. As per his inexplicable routine, he quickly glanced in the direction of the twins, who were giving each other the once over, as was their completely understandable routine.

“Close one,” Davenport sighed heavily from up front, then glanced behind him. “Glad to have you back, Lucre—”

“Lucretia, I’m so sorry,” Magnus interrupted, turning to face the chronicler, visibly upset. “I didn’t know—I mean, I tried to get to you, but the Fenrir, there were so many of them that I—”

“There were too many, Magnus, it couldn’t be helped,” Lucretia replied, hugging herself. “Besides, I made my own choice back there. It wasn’t you.”

Barry shivered a little, remembering the day a few months ago that Magnus had come home alone and told the rest of them about the choice Lucretia had made. Magnus had gone out with her on her way to write about some sort of interesting phenomena, and the two had gotten lost and found themselves on a cliff with no idea how to get back. To get his bearings, Magnus had climbed a tree to see if he could spot anything familiar while Lucretia waited down below, and he hadn’t noticed the Fenrir stalking towards Lucretia until they had already surrounded her. He only saw them and called out to her as he began to shimmy down, but by then it was too late. Lucretia turned to find herself trapped by about half a dozen of them, and she couldn’t possibly take them all out at the same time with the spells she knew. Magnus found a couple surrounding his tree as well and couldn’t immediately come to her rescue. He promised to get to her, but Lucretia knew the Fenrir wouldn’t wait for him. She’d looked behind her, then turned back to tell him to stay safe, and disappeared over the edge.

The story had made Barry sick when he heard it then, but he couldn’t imagine what that had been like for her. She was clearly still troubled by it now, which made sense. For her, that was something that had happened just moments before, not months ago.

Magnus moved from his spot to stand before her. “I could have made it,” he told her quietly, hanging his head.

Lucretia sighed shakily but gave him a small smile, not yet recovered but attempting to hide it. “You couldn’t. But it is not on you. I don’t remember much after I went over. It must have been quick.”

Magnus wrapped her in a hug, which she clumsily returned with a few pats on his back. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m fine now,” Lucretia promised.

Lup went over and joined the hug from behind Lucretia, and the three of them stayed that way for a moment until Davenport spoke, calling their attention. “That doesn’t look too bad.”

They all found a spot to look out at the world that would be their home for the year. Barry found himself pleasantly surprised as he stared out the window at shining blue water surrounding what looked like an island beach.  Not far off from that beach was another, and then just miles and miles of water as far as he could see. As they flew over the second beach, he couldn’t see any inhabitants, humanoid or otherwise. Not too bad seemed to be an understatement; this place actually looked nice. He tried not to get his hopes up too quickly, though; there could always be a catch. Invisible creatures that would kill them immediately, perhaps. Or acid rain. Or any number of nightmare scenarios.

They’d seen plenty of them, after all.

~

Sometimes, a beach is just a beach. The first couple of days revealed no horrors and perfectly safe places to set up shop in. It seemed easy, which was always disconcerting at first, but Barry wasn’t going to spend too much time worrying over the gift in front of him.

And apparently, this world just wanted to keep on giving. They’d seen the Light fall and spent the day chasing it down. They’d found it on another smaller beach about a day’s ride away from the first beach they’d seen. Merle had volunteered to retrieve it and done so fairly quickly, so that was one less thing to worry about.

Except Barry was worried about it. Well, not so much worried as...distracted. He sensed that they all were. Distracted by it. After Merle had put it down and they’d finished applauding him and clapping him on the back, the group fell weirdly silent and simply stared at it.

It was calling him. Or all of them, most likely…but no it was calling him. Barry tried to think of something else, but nothing else seemed all that important in comparison. He wanted to take it somewhere to study it more. What if someone else took it first? That wasn’t fair; he spent the most time with it. He knew it best. If anyone was going to have it, it would be him. It was practically his. His…his…

_Mine._

The step forward he tried to take was stopped short by a hand on his shoulder. Blinking quickly, he looked up to see Magnus, whose expression looked just as hazy as he felt himself. At least he wasn’t alone in his susceptibility to the Light’s occasional energy that demanded possession.

But then again, he realized dejectedly, Magnus hadn’t been weak enough to fall for it.

“Is anyone else feeling real creeped out?” Merle asked, breaking the silence. “Or is it just me?”

 “Someone should…do something with it,” Lucretia answered hesitantly, not offering herself as volunteer. Barry didn’t either. Murmurs of assent filled the room, but no one made a move to act.

After a moment, Merle cleared his throat. “I guess I’ve got this?”

The dwarf took off his robe and went over to throw the garment over the Light. With it out of sight, the tension in the room immediately subsided, and Merle turned to give them all quizzical glances. “Huh,” he chuckled.

“Just put it somewhere safe and out of sight, Merle” Davenport instructed wearily.

“You got it, boss.”

As Merle left the room, Barry attempted to shake off his guilt over his weak will. He chalked it up to his lack of time around the Light for the past couple of years. Surely that was understandable, right?

“So, where are we going now, Cap’n Port?” Lup asked.

“Yeah,” Taako agreed. “What’s our plan here?”

Davenport looked thoughtful a moment, stroking his mustache. Then he smiled. “Come to think of it, I do have a course of action to propose. And all things considered, I believe it’s a rather good one.”

~

Mental health year.

That had been Cap’n Port’s suggestion. No studying the Light, no experiments, no stressful work at all. Just relax, take it easy. So basically, a vacation.

Lup was so down for a vacation.

She couldn’t think of a better place for it. Or a better time, really. Not that she was burnt out, of course not. She could handle anything. But last cycle had been rough, what with the whole being on constant guard watching for Fenrir and shit. Those things were terrifying and hard to beat back.

It wasn’t just the Fenrir, though. There was some sort of weird atmosphere between the seven of them, a sort of tension that made them all talk around problems or misinterpret something said by another. It was hard to describe, but it was there, hanging over their heads and making everyone act a little off at times. And shit, it was understandable, right? The cycles, the constant dangers, the Hunger. It would stress anyone out. But even that wasn’t exactly it. Lup could pinpoint when the tension started, and it was from back at the end of cycle seventeen. Back when they’d almost destroyed Jaden-Province for their own goals. They hadn’t, but they almost did. It had been a test of their combined strength and humanity that they weren’t quite prepared for, and it shook them up a little. So if they could use this time to move past that almost tragedy, why not take it?

And if she had time to move past…other things, that was good, too.

“Come on, Taako, please? It’s not like you’re busy.”

“’Shuse you,” Taako replied around a mouthful of macaron. He made a face, then swallowed thickly. “Who said I’m not?”

“Stuffing your face really doesn’t count as being busy,” Lup smirked as she reached for a macaron off his plate.

“Uh, first of all, just for that you don’t get one,” he replied, holding the plate out of her reach. “And second, that’s not my day plan. I’m going surfing.”

“Is that what you’re calling it?” she asked, eyeing the plate.

“Why not? I invented it, I get to name it.”

“Sounds weird.”

“You’re weird.”

“And you’re off topic,” she said. She clasped her hands together and smiled as sweetly as possible. “Please? It won’t take that long.”

“Probably longer than you think. I’m amazingly talented at many things but I’m not great at cutting hair, Lup.”

“Well, I’m not asking you to cut it. What else is your transmutation magic good for?”

“Oh,” Taako said simply, staring at her. “Well, I mean…I guess.”

“Yeah! So just do your thing and make me look rad,” Lup urged energetically.

He continued to stare for a moment, then cocked his head. “Is this you being weird again? Is this a cry for help that I need to intervene with in some way?”

“A cry for-no, what?” Lup stammered. “That’s ridiculous, I’m fine. I mean, great. I’m great,” she repeated, eying him seriously.

“Okay, fine, sorry I brought it up,” he replied, holding his hands up apologetically.

“’S fine,” she said. “Really though, I’m just bored. Had the same haircut for twenty-one years. Need a change, you know?”

If that need for change came from the frustration of not being able to change a few other things she had no control over, that was no biggie. And Taako didn’t need to know about it.

“Fair enough,” Taako smiled, seemingly convinced. “So what are you thinking?”

Lup waved her hand. “Oh, I don’t know. Do your worst.”

“You got nothing? I don’t want you to completely hate it.”

“Eh, if I do, in ten months it goes back to this,” she replied, pointing to the locks at her shoulder “But I’m positive I won’t hate it,” she added fondly. “Your transmutation skills have never once let me down.”

At this, Taako smiled fondly back. Then he pushed the plate of macarons towards her.

Lup let out a squeal and grabbed one. “Thanks!” She immediately stuffed it into her mouth.

He chuckled. “Ready?”

She nodded and gave a thumbs up as she continued to munch on her macaron.

“Here goes, then.”

~

“Pretty sure you were putting that stuff on the last time I walked by, Barry.”

Barry paused in rubbing sunscreen on his arm and looked up at Merle, who looked amused. “Was I? Well, I’m sure it’s fine. I don’t want to fry.”

“Trust me,” Merle chuckled, “you have plenty.” He pointed to his nose meaningfully.

Barry reached up to his own and felt a dab of sunscreen there he hadn’t rubbed in yet. “Thanks,” he said, slightly embarrassed.

Merle chuckled again and moved on, whistling as he went. Barry tossed the sunscreen aside and dug his toes into the sand, sighing. Grateful though he was for a year where there were no daily threats to his life, he still felt like he needed something to occupy his time, some sort of purpose. But since Davenport had all but forbade him to study the Light, or do any other type of significant research for that matter, he had been having a difficult time finding ways to spend his days.

The sound of laughter pulled his attention from the sand at his feet and down the beach to the water, where Lucretia and Davenport were floating along, no doubt enjoying being kept cool by the ocean. It looked refreshing. And fun.

If only…

“Geronimo!”

He jumped as Taako raced by, not quite so gracefully kicking up sand, and crashed into the water with equal measure. He flipped onto his back and floated a moment before turning over and diving under, resurfacing elsewhere.

“Kinda looks like a dying fish.”

Barry chuckled and, with a semi-witty response ready, looked up at Lup and forgot what it was. She stood there in a blue bathing suit, towel under her arm, and for a brief moment his eyes lingered on places the suit wasn’t. And in the next on where it was. Then finally to her face, which made him feel far less creepy but no less distracted as he could immediately tell that it wasn’t exactly the same as he’d last seen a few hours ago. Mainly, that it was no longer framed by her hair.

Lup seemed to notice. “Like it?” she asked, using her free hand to run her hand through it.

Or, over it. One side was shaved and the other was not, but still shorter than it had been. It was definitely different, but it suited her. She looked cool.

He found himself nodding dumbly instead of telling her any of that, which didn’t feel like an appropriate response at all. “Yeah,” he finally managed, sounding weirdly hoarse all the sudden. He coughed awkwardly. “Yeah, I really do.”

This seemed to satisfy her anyway and she gave him a lopsided grin. “Thanks!” She set her towel down beside him. “I’m heading out to swim, wanna come?” she asked eagerly.

Anxiety pooled in his chest, his heart beat faster. He dug his toes further into the sand. “O-oh, no I don’t…nah, you go ahead. I’ll just…watch from here. Don’t want to burn, you know?” he finished, rubbing the back of his neck.

The eagerness vanished and so did the grin as it was replaced by the smallest of frowns that disappeared just as quickly into something more neutral, but he noticed it all the same. “Oh, cool. Have fun with that.” 

Disappointed. He’d disappointed Lup.

He watched her walk away without another word, feeling supremely guilty that he’d turned her down without a good excuse. She would think he just couldn’t be bothered, but that wasn’t true at all; he wanted to, but he couldn’t. Like, he really couldn’t. He didn’t know how to swim.

Really, of all the things he lacked in, not knowing how to swim was the most embarrassing. It was such a normal activity, even small children could do it. And then here he was, more or less in his 40’s, completely incapable. It sounded utterly ridiculous to say out loud; he had no desire to tell his friends. Especially Lup.

Sighing, he leaned against the umbrella he sat under and watched the four down in the water. Taako splashed Lup who, after wiping the water from her face, splashed him back. The water fight continued until it got too close to Lucretia and Davenport, the latter of which spluttered and turned to face them. Barry couldn’t hear what Davenport said, but it must not have been too serious, as the twins laughed and simply moved a little further away. Gods, it really did look nice out there. He really wished he could learn. Maybe he could just…ask?

Barry groaned and hung his head. Yeah, he was going to do it. It was either he suffer through the embarrassment of having to ask and the process of learning, or continue to make excuses for not enjoying time with his friends. He chose the former. Now, it was just a matter of deciding who to ask.

Perhaps Magnus. Magnus was good at anything exercise related, he’d be a great teacher. And he would probably find some entertainment in helping him. Yes, Magnus would be the perfect choice. Barry looked down the beach where he’d last seen the man and found him there still, standing against a large boulder. The security officer bounced from side to side, seeming to prepare for something. Then, he peaked around the boulder at Merle, who was headed Magnus’s way. Magnus shuffled back into his spot.

“Oh dear,” Barry said aloud to himself. He knew what Magnus was doing.

Sure enough, as he suspected, once Merle came close enough, Magnus jumped out from behind the rock and shouted, way too loudly, “MAGNUS!”

Merle yelped and fell backwards into the sand. After a moment, when the shock wore off, he scowled and yelled what Barry assumed to be a string of obscenities at the younger man. This did not seem to phase him as he offered a hand to Merle and pulled him to his feet, laughing, and turned to practically skip away. This was the pastime Magnus had come up with to entertain himself this year: scare the shit out of everyone. Sometimes in elaborate ways, and other times through hijinks such as that. Oftentimes by yelling his own name at unsuspecting people.

So…maybe not Magnus. Clearly he was busy dealing with his own things. Barry looked out to the water again and found himself watching Taako, who had apparently found the board he liked to ride waves on, sitting still. After a moment, he paddled forward on the board towards a steadily growing wave of clear water and then stood up. Barry held his breath as the wave descended, but instead of going under, Taako caught the wave and stayed upright, gliding along the water towards the beach. The water settled again and Taako dived forward off the board, resurfacing again a moment later. He looked happier than Barry had seen him in a while. It was contagious. And suddenly, Barry knew who he wanted to teach him.

~

Taako stood and listened while Barry rambled. He waited all day to ask in order to pluck up his courage, but of course it only served to make him more nervous when he finally found him alone on the _Starblaster’s_ deck that evening. He stumbled through his request, hoping that when he was done explaining himself, Taako wouldn’t laugh, but to his surprise, the elf only answered him sincerely.

“Yeah, man, of course. We can start tomorrow after my early morning surf, if you want.”

“Oh, that’s…yeah that would be great!” Barry replied, a little taken aback.

“Done deal then. Surprised you didn’t come to me sooner. I’m a champion in the water, after all,” Taako said with a toss of his hair.

“For sure, I can tell,” Barry chuckled. Then movement by the stairs caught his eye, and he looked around Taako just in time to see Magnus’s head duck back down at the staircase. “Don’t look now,” he added, voice lower, “but Magnus is hiding down there.”

Taako rolled his eyes. “I swear something is wrong with that guy.”

“I think he’s fine, honestly,” Barry said. “He’s just…being Magnus.”

“He’s being a lot is what he is,” Taako muttered, ears laying flat in irritation. Then they perked up again as he smirked, eyes glinting with mischief, and all at once he disappeared.

Barry’s eyes grew wide in surprise before realizing with amusement that Taako had cast Blink. He hid a laugh behind his hand and watched the entrance of the staircase. After a moment, Magnus poked his head up again and that was when Taako reappeared.

“MAGNUS!”.

“AH!”

~

“Damn, if only every cycle was this easy,” Lup sighed with contentment as she lounged on her beach towel, enjoying the sun.

“That would be preferable,” Lucretia answered from beside her. “But we can at least appreciate it while we can. We still have plenty of time.”

Eight months, four days, and seven hours, to be exact, but who was counting Lup thought wryly. “I’ll be spoiled by the end of it,” she replied aloud. “Probably just forget how to do anything useful.”

“I doubt that,” Lucretia said with a small laugh.

The sound of a groaning Merle made Lup sit up again. The dwarf wandered up to them, holding his stomach.

“Merle, are you alright?” Lucretia asked, concerned.

“Do we have any meds for stomach aches?”

“I am sure we do in sick bay. We stocked up on plenty of medications two cycles ago.”

“Great. Think I’m dying.”

“I doubt that,” she responded, expression skeptical.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be digging through trash, Merle,” Lup chimed in. “Probably picked something up.”

“’S not trash, it’s beach treasure. And I’m doing something nice, making you all gifts.” He groaned again.

Lup made a face, but elected not to argue. “Either way, go get yourself your meds.”

“Fine,” Merle grumbled walking away. “Don’t like my gifts, huh? No one gets the concept of homemade anymore…”

They watched him go, and then Lup turned to Lucretia. “He gave me a shower cap made from a dead jellyfish.”

Lucretia scrunched up her nose. “Oh dear.”

“Yeah, pretty gross, right?” She paused then, looking back in the direction Merle had gone. “He’s never died from a silly stomach ache, has he?”

“No, he hasn’t,” Lucretia responded automatically.

Lup turned back to look at her. “Well you sound super sure of that,” she laughed.

“I am,” Lucretia assured her soberly. “I suppose it’s because I write everything down. I don’t forget anything.”

“Ever?”

“No.”

“Even the bad parts?”

Lucretia sighed deeply. “Especially not the bad parts.”

Lup put a hand on her shoulder. “That must be really hard.”

“Sometimes. But it’s my job.” She gave a small smile then and picked up her open notebook beside her, running her hand along the page. “Besides, with all the bad, I also always remember the good, and that helps quite a bit.”

Lup smiled at that. “Can I see?”

She closed the book quickly. “Oh, this isn’t for notes. It’s for something else. And it’s a secret for now.”

“For now?” Lup repeated, interested. “So…when will it not be?”

Lucretia laughed. “When it’s ready.”

~

“Seriously, Taako, if you want to quit I wouldn’t blame you at all. I’m clearly not getting any better at it.”

“Quit? Absolutely not! I told you I’d help you, and I swear by the hat on my head that by the end of this year, you’ll be swimming like a pro.” Taako paused then, studying him. “Unless you actually want to quit?”

“No, no, definitely not,” Barry assured him. “I just didn’t want to be a pain in your ass.”

“Please, who are you talking to? I’d tell you if you were.”

Barry laughed. “I know.”

Taako smiled. “So no worries. Oh, here,” he continued, holding his hand out to Barry. “Take these, and bring them tomorrow. Hopefully they’ll help with all the water getting in your ears. I think that’s distracting you.”

Barry took the ear plugs out of Taako’s hand. “Gotcha. Thanks for making ‘em.”

“All good.”

And with that, Taako headed towards the kitchen and Barry headed towards his room. He got to the corridor that housed all of the IPRE’s bedrooms, then paused when he heard a thump. Then another, followed by a muffled swear coming from Lup’s room. Slightly concerned, he knocked on her door.

“Hey, uh, Lup? You okay?”

A beat of silence, and then she answered. “Mostly?” A few seconds of scuffling and then she opened the door, hair looking slightly disheveled. “I’m just making a mess,” she continued, brushing her side bangs out of her face.

“Oh,” he replied simply, trying to resist the urge to rudely look around her room.

“Yeah, lost my earrings. The ones I bought a few cycles back. Eighteen, I think?” She held the door open wider and stepped back into the room. Barry caught it. “Anyway, I saw them just yesterday, but now of course they’re gone, and I tried to look behind my bed and started knocking shit over, which is probably what you heard.”

 He stared at his own hand on the door. “Yeah.”

“Pretty sure it isn’t there. Might be behind the desk.” She looked over at him. “You can shut that.”

Was she done talking to him then? “Oh…okay.” His hand slid slowly down, the door inching shut.

“Can you help me move it?”

The door stopped. “Help you?”

“Mhm, it’s heavy. Oh, are you busy? I can get Magnus.”

He was halfway there before the door clicked shut. “No, no, I got it.”

“Cool, just grab that side.”

Barry did as he was asked, and together they shifted the wooden desk away from the wall.

“Ah, shit, not there.”

“Doesn’t seem like it.”

“Well then, what the hell? Lup asked, running a hand through her hair. “I’ll check the drawers, I guess.”

“Yeah…okay.”

She looked while he stood aside, feeling awkward. It wasn’t exactly like he wasn’t supposed to be there, but in the twenty-one years of being aboard the ship, he never had been. He hadn’t really been in anyone else’s room either; there wasn’t a reason.

He glanced around the room. Same bed, dresser, desk, and tiny little closet. Of course, that made sense. But while his room held more science materials, books, and the like, Lup had more…odds and ends. Not junk, but definitely things that made it seem like she lived there. Magic books, items she’d found in previous cycles. Fashion accessories. He picked the ear plugs out of his pocket and began to absentmindedly twirl them around in his hand.

“I figure if I wear them,” Lup said, “then Merle won’t be tempted to make me any out of trash he finds on the ground.”

Barry snorted. “Right.”

“Has he given you anything?” she asked, opening up a new drawer.

“Not yet.”

“Lucky. If you see him with a dead jellyfish, run.”

 “Will do,” he laughed again. He looked down then as one of the ear plugs in his hand slipped from his grasp and onto the floor, rolling under Lup’s bed. “Shit.”

He knelt down to peer under, finding the small item easily. As he reached for it, he cut his eyes to the side and noticed a pair of shoes that seemed way too big for Lup. A man’s shoes. Next to it was another pair, and then two more. A distant memory needled at his mind. Then he noticed the mud caked on them, and all at once remembered with great amusement where he knew them from.

“Oh my god, Lup,” he giggled, grabbing one and sitting up. “I’m sorry, but do you still have the shoes from the night we left home? The one’s you and Taako stole from those guys in that bar?”

“Hey, we won those fair and square,” Lup replied as she turned around, smiling broadly. “What was I gonna do? Throw them away?”

“Yes?” he answered, still laughing. “But how do you have all four pairs? Didn’t Taako take a few?”

“The one in your hand was in Taako’s room last week before I stole it back.”

Barry cackled. Taako and Lup had been playing a game of keep away among themselves for over two decades. It was absolutely hysterical. Lup joined in, and as his laughter subsided and he got control of himself, he wiped away a few tears.

“That’s just so damn funny I’m-I don’t even know what to say,” he beamed, feeling incredibly light all of the sudden.

Lup giggled again and turned back to her task. Barry sat on the edge of her bed, holding the shoe.

“I didn’t really think we’d keep it up this long,” she told him, rifling through her drawer. “Actually, we sort of forgot all about the shoes the first couple of years, but after we got the hang of the cycles we started the game.”

Barry heard her explaining it, but her voice became background noise as he stared at the shoe in his hand. Silly as it was, the shoe and the memory attached to it filled him with a great sense of affection for his friend, and the whisper of another feeling, one that he felt often but couldn’t quite put a name to. A longing of sorts, but he didn’t know what for. Surely not for the past; he was much happier in his relationship with her now than he was then, when she was just the cool colleague and he was a stuttering nerd that couldn’t keep up. He didn’t know what it _was_ for, but it hardly mattered.

Lup had stopped talking, and the goofy smile he was wearing fell as he looked up and noticed her staring at him. Her lips pursed in a thin line as her eyes scanned the bed from the headboard to where he sat at the end of it.

“What’s—”

“I um,” she interrupted, “really need to go…run.”

“Oh, yeah sure!” He bent down to put the shoe back. “Did you find the earrings?”

“No…but maybe it’s not here? In my room? Kitchen maybe. But…” She turned to look out her window, and then looked back at him. “Need to get my steps in before it gets dark.”

It seemed like there was plenty of daylight left, but who was he to argue? “Yeah, I gotcha,” he said, moving to leave. “I’ll just catch you later then.”

“Uh huh!” she replied enthusiastically as the door shut behind him.

~

Taako tossed him a towel and sat down in the sand, wrapping his own around his shoulders. “See, what did I tell you? You’re swimming like a pro. Probably could keep up with Magnus.” He paused then, toweling his hair off. “Actually,” he continued, “maybe not Magnus. But everyone else, for sure.”

Barry sat down next to him, tired from an evening of exercise, but proud that he’d made such progress in his goal for the cycle. “Only took me all year,” he chuckled.

“S’ fine,” the elf replied. “Perfect year to go for it. It was fun.”

Barry tried not to seem too shocked by that admission, choosing instead to be grateful for Taako’s patience and support. “Yeah,” he agreed, smiling, “it was.”

The two fell silent for a few minutes, staring out at the small waves running up the beach. They only had a few weeks left in the cycle, and Barry wasn’t at all ready to leave the safety of this beach world for something unknown and potentially dangerous. But he didn’t feel like he had squandered his time. Maybe he didn’t exactly do his job, but he felt like he’d accomplished something and bettered himself, and that didn’t feel like a waste.

“Taako, I really hope you know how grateful I am for your help this year.”

“Course I do,” Taako replied, glancing at him. “No big deal.”

“No, I mean, I know it wasn’t for you, but it was for me. I couldn’t swim and it was something I really hated not being able to do. Just, you know, not being able to hang out with everyone in the water without looking like a complete idiot out there, you know?”

Taako cocked his head. “No one would think you looked like an idiot, Barry. Who are the rest of us to judge?  And anyway, we’re your friends.”

“No, I mean, I know that,” he told him, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s just…I don’t like embarrassing myself in front of…” He felt his face go red as he stumbled through his words. “People, I guess? Or, I guess I mean, looking silly in front of like, Lup, for example.”

“In front of Lup?” Taako asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Or everyone. But yeah, mostly Lup. I just…I care about her opinion a lot, and I don’t really want her to, um, see me like that? Do you get what I mean?”

Taako studied him, looking like he was trying to crack a code of some sort, and then all at once appeared to break it. “Oh.Yeah, of course, I get it. It’s totally understandable, Barry. And I hope you don’t think I resent you for it. Because I definitely don’t. In this crazy life we’re living, we should hang on to what we have, because we lose so much all the time, you know? We’ll lose more for sure, but the one thing we know we got is time. And that’s good for you, you know? I don’t think anyone who’s ever been in love with someone has ever had so much time to figure it all out.”

In love with-?

Wait.

No, that’s not what he was-

What?

“I’m not-I mean, that’s not what I was…um.”

Words were failing, his thoughts racing as he tried to sort through the meaning of what Taako was telling him. He cared deeply for Lup, obviously, _of course_ , but was he in love with her? “In love is…that’s quite a-I’ve only known her for twenty…one years. Wow…shit I…”

“Barry.”

“I…”

Taako put a hand on his shoulder. “Barry…” He then gave him the smallest but most sincere smile he’d ever seen him wear. “You have all the time in the world, okay?”

Barry could only blink at him in response, and with nothing left to say, Taako squeezed his shoulder and stood. He dusted himself off and gave Barry one last meaningful glance and then headed back. Barry watched him go, mind reeling, world shifting off its axis. He felt dizzy as it spun, and after a few minutes he stood up slowly and made his way back home as well.

Was he in love with Lup? He loved her, obviously; he loved everyone in the IPRE. They were his family, his friends, the only permanent fixtures in his life that he could always count on. But it never occurred to him that he loved Lup differently. Or, that maybe he did. Did he?

In a daze, he wandered into the ship and made his way to his bedroom. He passed Davenport’s room and Lucretia’s on the other side. Then there was Taako’s and across from his was…

He stared at Lup’s door, unmoving, trying and failing to gather his thoughts. He’d never been in love with anyone. How was he to know if he was?

“Oh hey, I’m not home!”

Barry turned to see Lup coming down the hall, smiling at him. His heart beat a little quicker and he felt himself grow a little hotter, a little more off-kilter as the axis wobbled. He hummed a response, unable to come up with anything else.

“You good?” she asked, coming to stand next to him. “You look like something’s up.”

He blinked, trying to right himself. “What? No, nothing’s up. Was going to turn in early and I got distracted.”

She nodded, accepting his excuse. “Sounds good. I’m gonna swim with Lucretia for a while. It’s nice out tonight.”

“Guess there aren’t that many chances left. Gotta take them while you can.”

“My thought exactly,” she smiled. Then she reached up to lightly punch him in the shoulder. “Anyway, get some rest, Barry. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Night,” he replied, turning to go. He rubbed his shoulder, and then stopped mid step to turn back again. “Hey Lup?”

Lup paused in her doorway. “Hm?”

“Do you wanna swim tomorrow?”

“Oh hell yeah!” she cheered, beaming. “Let’s do it!”

Warmth flooded his heart then, happy that she was happy, and longing for tomorrow to come quickly followed. Longing for another moment, another second with his friend.

Longing for Lup.

Barry’s world stopped spinning, axis clicking into place once more. He suddenly realized nothing was different. It had pretty much always been this way. He’d felt like this for as long as he could remember.

“Cool,” he replied, a little breathless. What were once mere whispers of feelings now sang out their existence in his heart. Affection and longing, yearning and…

“Night then!”

And…

 _Barry you idiot._ “Night.”

Love.

Of course he was in love with her. Of course! How on earth had he not known that? It was as obvious as it could be.

When Lup’s door shut, he found his way to his own room, leaning back against the door as it closed. Eyes shut, he sighed heavily, tired with the full impact of all of his feelings at once. After a few minutes, his thoughts quieted again, the longing and love tucking themselves back into their respective corners of his heart. He felt them all the same, but they no longer overwhelmed him. They were permanent fixtures, after all.

_Well, what are you going to do about them?_

The stray thought surprised him, because he knew exactly what the answer was: absolutely nothing. What else could he possibly do?

Tell her?

~

“Yeah, fuck the Hunger honestly,” Taako declared. “Someone call it up and tell it our date next week is cancelled.”

Lup laughed at her brother, then raised her hand in the air. “Agreed! But actually, if I could talk to the Hunger, I’d say way more than that.”

“Same here,” Merle chimed in.

“No point worrying about that now,” Davenport told them. “We’ll enjoy our last beach hurrah while we can.”

“Here, here,” Magnus said, mouth full. “Thanks for the stew, Taako!”

“It’s not…” Lup gave him a look and he sighed. “You’re welcome.”

From her spot on a log, Lucretia put her journal down. “I um, have something to show you all,” she told them, sounding slightly nervous. “I need to go get it from my room, so no one go anywhere until I get back.”

Lup clapped her hands, excited. “Is it that secret thing we talked about?”

Magnus gasped. “What secret thing?”

“You make it sound more exciting than it is,” Lucretia giggled. “But yes. Be right back.”

“What secret thing?” Magnus repeated, louder, practically tossing his bowl down as he jumped up from his spot.

Davenport cleared his throat. “Magnus, can you gather a bit more firewood? Merle, can you go with him?”

The two did as they were asked, Magnus visibly vibrating with excitement. Lup went to stand next to Barry, who was still eating his food. “How is it?”

“Taako made it, so amazing, of course,” he answered her between bites.

“I helped,” she pointed out.

“Oh so that’s why,” he chuckled.

She grinned, and the two fell silent again as Barry ate. After a moment she spoke again. “What’s one reason you’re excited for next cycle?”

Barry took a bite of his food, considering. “Getting to do science again,” he finally said.

Lup laughed. “Oh yeah! Science ban will be up.”

“All science, all the time.”

“We’ll science the shit out of everything.”

“Absolutely everything,” he replied, smiling.

Merle walked by then, a small bundle of wood in his arms, and dumped them in the fire pit. Lup didn’t think it was enough for the night. She turned to the dwarf. “Didn’t Magnus go with you?” she asked him.

Merle looked around. “Uh, yes?”

“Where did he—”

“MAGNUS!”

Lup turned to see Magnus jump out from behind Barry. Startled, Barry knocked his head forward and his glasses slipped off his face. Lup reached out and caught them before they hit the ground.

“Fucking hell, Magnus,” Taako fussed. “You’re going to give me a heart attack and I’m gonna die and find a way to haunt your ass.”

Magnus simply laughed and dumped his firewood, unconcerned. Lup sighed, steadying her own nerves and handed Barry’s glasses out to him. “Dropped these,” she said.

Barry reached out and took them, and when their fingers met, he peaked up at her, blushing profusely. “Thanks,” he murmured.

 _What the hell, Barry?_ She forced herself to let go of the glasses, letting her hand fall back down. Now she was nervous all over again. She turned back to the fire, hoping to hide the fact that she was turning red herself.

Thankfully, Lucretia chose that moment to return, holding what looked like a large rectangular canvas in her arms. “Okay, so it isn’t much, but I’ve been working on it almost all year. And I just wanted to show it to you all. It isn’t perfect though.”

“I’m on the edge of my seat here, Luce!” Lup cried, stoked as hell.

“Alright,” she replied, turning the canvas over.

It was a picture of the seven of them, all huddled together in their IPRE robes, smiling like they didn’t have a care in the world. Davenport and Merle stood side by side up front, and Lucretia, Magnus, Barry, Taako, and herself stood behind them.

“You made that?” Merle asked, impressed.

“I painted it,” she replied.

“It looks so real!” Magnus exclaimed.

“Thank you,” Lucretia smiled. “I just wanted…I thought perhaps we could hang it on the wall somewhere. So that when we find times are harder than we would like them to be, we remember the times that are much better.”

Lup covered her mouth as a small cry escaped her. “Put that down, Luce,” she told her, “I’m gonna hug you.”

Lucretia did as she was asked and Lup went to her, and then felt five other bodies following suit. She heard Davenport sniff.

“We’ll put it by the entrance,” he promised.

~

Later that night, tired but with a full heart, Lup sat on Taako’s bed.

“Next cycle will be fine,” she said.

“I think so,” he replied.

“We’ll survive at least.”

He chuckled dryly. “One way or another.”

“You’re fine, right?” she asked him. “You’ve seemed sort of distracted lately.”

“Me? Nah, all good. Just, you know, thinking about the future.”

“Sounds deep. Wanna talk about it?”

“It’s not really all that important. Just…cycle stuff.”

Lup considered calling him out on his obvious lie, but if he didn’t feel like talking about it right now, she wasn’t going to force it out of him. “If you say so.” She hopped off his bed. “Well, I’m off to bed. Night,” she called, sing song.

Taako didn’t respond until she was halfway out the door. “Hey Lup?”

She poked her head back in. “Yeah?”

He studied her a moment, seeming to be searching for something, then shrugged. “Nothing. Just wanted to say I love you.”

“That all?” she chuckled.

He smiled at her fondly. “It’s all I have.”

Lup couldn’t help but return it. “All I need. Love you too!”

She left then, and paused just outside her own door to spare a glance in the direction of Barry’s room before heading inside her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just need to quickly acknowledge that the last conversation between Taako and Barry, though not copied verbatim, is directly from the podcast. But it's such a good moment I wanted to include it :) Hope that works!
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many apologies for not updating in so long! I wasn't aware that having a full time Adult Job (™) would leave me without a lot of writing time. Who knew?

_Tell her._

Stupid idea.

And not the intriguing kind of stupid, the kind where you think there might not be any harm in following up on the idea. The fun sort of stupid. Science, after all, was more or less built on the testing of stupid ideas to solve problems, and Barry had had no shortage of those in his life. Especially not in the past twenty-two cycles, where knowledge he’d gained from his previous life didn’t pertain to the challenges he and his friends faced on the regular now. It used to make him sweat with anxiety when he was asked to come up with an answer with nothing to go on, but he’d since gotten over that. Years of doing it out of necessity made him a bit bolder, and now he did it for entertainment, for the spectacle. For the simple reason that he’d never tried it before and what was the worst that could happen?

Like the time back in cycle twelve when he got bored and wondered aloud in front of Magnus what would happen if you put the Light in the oven and, well, baked it. Someone else might have cautioned him against it, but Magnus was immediately on board and practically begging him to do it. So he did.

They found out when they regenerated at the start of cycle thirteen that the Light had exploded and vaporized them, which was arguably the worst outcome they could have faced. And that the kitchen smelled like burnt toast the rest of that cycle. Taako promptly told them that he was of the opinion that the latter was the worst that could have happened, and that they could leave his kitchen out of their stupidity, thanks. They agreed wholeheartedly.

As he wasn’t a huge fan of dying, Barry was a lot more careful when it came to his stupid ideas.

 _Tell her_.

But that didn’t mean he didn’t still have them.

“Ya know, I think I might be slightly allergic to dogs.”

Barry looked over at Merle, who was simultaneously rubbing his eyes and petting the puppy in his lap. The puppy spun in circles as the dwarf rubbed the fluffy, brown fur on its back, and then finally sat down as Merle stroked it long ears, sighing contentedly. Merle sniffed loudly.

“Maybe you shouldn’t let him sit in your lap, then?” Barry suggested.

“No!” Merle gasped turning to Barry. “Why not? He’s cute.” He turned back to the puppy in his lap, giving his ear another tug before sniffling again.

“Because you’re allergic.”

“Will it kill me?”

Barry gave him the once over before responding. “There is that possibility, but it doesn’t seem like an immediate threat.”

“Good enough for me,” Merle cooed down at the puppy. “Someone will fix me up before I beef it anyway. Yes they will. Yes they will!”

Watching Merle’s display of overt affection felt embarrassing, so Barry instead turned his attention down the grassy hill to the large group of twenty or thirty dogs of all sizes bounding around Taako, who was holding a ball above his head. Taako took a small step forward and pulled his arm back, causing the dogs to immediately cease their bounding and stand at attention. The elf didn’t move to follow through, and after a moment, one of the dogs yipped excitedly. Beside him, Lup gently shoved her brother in the shoulder, and as Taako finally threw the ball, the dogs scattered in all directions. A few tripped over each other in their haste to chase the toy, and Barry could tell all the way from his spot how much this tickled Lup, who leaned against her brother and visibly shook with laughter. Barry felt a smile spread on his face as he watched.

 _Tell her_.

Stupid. Really, it would have been pathetic if he’d entertained the idea for long, but he hadn’t. In fact, he wouldn’t even classify it as an idea; it was more of an intrusive thought, born from the shock of realizing that he was in love with his best friend. But there in his room after that realization on the beach, he dismissed the thought immediately after it crossed his mind. Because it was stupid. So stupid, for multiple reasons.

None of which, of course, had anything to do with Lup. Barry was not embarrassed that he loved her. In fact, it made perfect sense to him that he did. Lup was stunning. It wasn’t just that she was beautiful, though she was that. But it was also the fact that she was self-assured, she was clever, she was daring. She was quick witted and compassionate. She was…well, she was Lup. He had always admired her for everything she was, and it was easy to see how that admiration could have morphed into something else.

No, his reasoning had nothing to do with her, but everything to do with himself. Barry knew who he was, and had long ago accepted his own quirks and oddities that made up his nature. A passive observer of life whose anxious tendencies held him back through the first forty-odd years of his life, a man whose greatest adventure came about completely by accident when he stepped foot on the Starblaster twenty-two cycles ago. Overly emotional but hardly capable of expressing what he felt, choosing instead to follow the lead of those around him. Out of shape and plain looking. A boring nerd who found connecting with others difficult (it had taken him a handful of cycles to finally befriend the rest of the IPRE after all), though he cared a great deal.

In short, Lup was Lup and Barry was Barry. He’d seen and experienced many unbelievable things in the past two decades, but he couldn’t fathom any sort of world in which the two of them together made a bit of sense. It was already some sort of miracle that they were as close as they were, and he was blessed to be able to think of her as his best friend. Anything more than that was asking too much. It was almost greedy to even wish for something beyond friendship with her.

But oh, did his heart wish for it anyway.

And maybe, if their situation wasn’t what it was, if he was different and somehow worthy, if there was some possibility that she loved him back…

Except that it was, he wasn’t, and she didn’t. And that was fine. He would not spend time wallowing in his feelings or entertaining fanciful notions that telling her was in any way a good idea. There was only one outcome to that scenario, and he would be a horrible friend to make his feelings Lup’s problem. So he would keep them to himself, tucked away in the deepest corners of his heart to stay. Presumably forever.

They hadn’t fizzled out yet, after all.

Running steps behind him caught his attention and he looked up just in time to see Magnus racing by Merle and himself, careening unsteadily down the hill.

“PUPPIES!”

The little dog in the dwarf’s lap gave a quick bark and then jumped up to chase after Magnus in just as graceful of a fashion, briefly faceplanting in the grass before bounding back up and continuing on down the hill at breakneck speeds. Beside him, Merle violently sneezed.

“Fine, dog, I see where your loyalties lie,” he sniffed.

“It doesn’t seem to be any offence to you, if it helps,” Barry offered, pointing down at the other dogs who immediately abandoned the twins in favor of circling around Magnus, who seemed just as excited as they were, if not more, clapping his hands and jumping up and down as the dogs carried on around him. Taako tossed him the ball as he strode on by with Lup in tow back up the hill, and Magnus immediately ran off with it as the dogs took after him, barking happily.

“What are they even saying?” Merle asked.

“Roughly translated,” Barry began, “something like ‘it’s the Big Guy, oh yay, the Big Guy’.”

“Over and over again?”

“Excitement seems to just take over normal communication when Magnus is around. I mean, their language is simple in general but it gets way simpler when he’s involved.”

“I think that goes both ways,” Taako chimed in as he crested the hill. “What?” he added when Lup shouldered him. “I just meant he loves them. A lot.”

“Is that jealousy I hear?” Lup asked, teasing.

“Please,” he snorted.

“They do, though,” Barry interjected. “Love him, I mean. Well, however much dogs can love, I guess.”

“I don’t think it’d be all that different,” Lup said, looking down at him.

He very much begged to differ, but he certainly didn’t want to say so. “Maybe, maybe not,” he replied simply, looking back at her. She looked away first after a moment, her gaze drifting back down the hill. Magnus had abandoned the ball and had taken to just sprinting away from the pack who gladly followed after him, barking gleefully as they ran.

Unfortunate for the dogs if Lup was right. He sort of hoped she wasn’t.

~

“Think we should ask them if they know anything about the Light or where to look for it?” Taako asked, tossing the ball up and catching it before it hit the ground.

“I don’t know if they’d understand, but we could try,” Barry replied. “They might be able to help us look for it. Dogs are good at hunting, right?”

Taako hummed in affirmation as he laid down in the grass, tossing the ball up once more.

“Bet we could figure out how to ask,” Lup spoke up from beside her brother, her hand pausing on the back of the large dog in front of her that she had been petting. The dog lifted its head and turned to look at her with a sigh, and she began to stroke its gray fur once more. “Can’t be that hard. Been there, done that.”

It was true. This world, affectionately dubbed Puppy Land by Magnus, reminded him a lot of the Animal Kingdom from back in cycle 1. Completely devoid of people and inhabited strictly by animals. This time, only dogs, hence the name. And just like back then, Barry, Lup, and Taako had taken it upon themselves to learn how to communicate with the dogs. It was a much simpler language than the Animal’s language from cycle 1, and it had only taken them the last two months to completely crack it. They needed ten or eleven back then.

This cycle was different for other reasons though, too. For one, they were used to it now, this life they led. Back then, they were fragile and lost. Inexperienced. They didn’t know shit about anything, let alone that they wouldn’t be living amongst those Animals for longer than 365 days.

Barry watched Taako toss the ball from one hand to the other now. The ball whipped from left to right as he threw it quicker and quicker, until he tossed it to the left and missed it. With a huff, the elf rolled over to grab it and cut his eyes side to side, making sure no one noticed his blunder. When he made eye contact with Barry, he looked pointedly at the ball like this was definitely not _his_ fault. Barry only smiled to confirm he believed it, and Taako, satisfied, fell back into the grass and continued his game once more.

Maybe they were still lost, but they were at least lost together, attempting to save worlds as a group. Collectively trying to figure it all out, whatever _it_ was exactly. Sure, they were a team when they started, but not the team that they had become. The kind they needed to be. Barry definitely didn’t miss those days, the ones filled with not knowing exactly where he stood with everyone, let alone the twins in front of him. It had been awkward, to say the least, working with them so closely and knowing he was definitely on the outside looking in when it came to them. He knew that was far from the case now.

His gaze slid to Lup who sat still stroking the dog that was nearly in her lap. She looked deep in thought about something, absentmindedly running her hands through the thick fur on the dog’s head, a small smile on her face. He felt his heart skip.

Looking back now, it had probably been inevitable that he’d fall in love with her. He remembered being drawn to her even before they ever left their home world. She just…intrigued him. Although that clearly hadn’t been the case on her part. She’d called him a nerd that day on the IPRE’s stage, and not in the lighthearted way he’d grown accustomed to. He obviously didn’t hold that against her, not anymore; he wasn’t sure if he ever had. After all, it was true. But he had changed in some ways. They’d changed, and the rocky start they had no longer mattered when compared to what their relationship had become.

He realized too late that he was staring when Lup looked up at him. He also realized he’d been running his hand through his own hair, and stopped immediately. Lup grinned.

“What?”

He could feel himself blush as his hand dropped, but he quickly found an excuse for his rudeness. “Dog’s cute.”

Lup’s eyes lit up as she gave a little squeal. “He is!” She leaned down and nuzzled her cheek against the dog’s head, which it seemed alright with. “So soft,” she cooed.

As he watched her snuggle the dog, it occurred to him that their relationship had changed even in the past handful of cycles. It wasn’t anything significant. In fact, he hadn’t noticed it at all until now it, was so subtle: Lup hardly ever touched him. This barely seemed worthy of noticing at all, but Lup was a pretty tactile person. In most interactions she had, she found some way to touch the person she was talking to. A hug, a high five, a pat on the back, something. To be fair, it wasn’t that she didn’t touch him at all; his arm was never safe from a punch or two. But he could remember how often she used to lean on his shoulder or mess up his hair.

Barry stared down at the hand that he’d dropped to rest on his knee. Lup was still touchy feely with others, like Taako, Magnus, and Lucretia. What happened that made her stop having that sort of contact with him? Maybe he did something? No, that definitely wasn’t the case; there would have been other signs that he’d have picked up on much sooner if it was. Perhaps she had just decided they weren’t the type of friends who had a lot of contact. And maybe, for his sake, that was actually a good thing. It wasn’t like he needed that from Lup, and far be it for him to intrude on her boundaries.

Lup had always set the pace. He was happy to follow.

“Look’s very soft,” he replied as he looked back up at her with a grin of his own.

 Taako was suddenly on his feet, ball tossed on the grass beside him. “I,” he sighed loudly “am heading home.”

“Well damn, wait up a second,” Lup scolded him, disrupting the dog as she scrambled to stand as well. “We’ll come with.”

“Didn’t want to interrupt,” Taako replied, stretching his arms above his head. He smiled crookedly at nothing in particular, then chuckled. “The dog, I mean.”

Lup looked at the dog who had already found himself a spot that seemed just as comfortable. “Pretty sure he’s alright. Besides, got shit to do. Right, Barold?” she finished, reaching out a hand.

He let her help him up, and internally chastised himself for missing her hand in his as soon as it left. He ran his through his hair again. “We should get started on translating,” he agreed.

“I see how it is. Leave me in the kitchen all by my lonesome.”

Lup rolled her eyes good naturedly at her brother. “Like you don’t love it.”

“True. More glory for me.”

“Plus, I don’t think you need my help to make mac and cheese.”

“Excuse you, it’s fancier than that.”

“Fine, you’ve got your fancy mac and cheese handled. But Barry over here,” she nodded over at him, dropping her voice to a stage whisper, “he needs, like, a lot of help.”

“Hey!”

“Oh,” Taako snickered. “woof.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anyone still reading, thank you so much <3 Despite the fact that I'm suffering from a lack of time (and to be honest, motivation) lately, I love writing this story, and will definitely see it through to the end, however long that takes!


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